Dh works all the time - Ruining my maternity

I haven’t read all the replies but can you not just hire some help in without asking him and see how you go? I recognise there is a cost associated with that but there is also a cost associated with hubby being off work. Best wishes. It’s a hard time. I’m with you. Have had three c sections. Sending hugs.

Sorry, but if he could have planned it better and had 9 months to make a plan for the business, so could she have made a plan for help (before she was postpartum and vulnerable). This is on both of them equally, and honestly to be expected apparently.

Jeez luv, take your anger out on the OP’s husband, or your own.

He’s truly behaving awfully. But also you chose to have a 1 year age gap so you’d better get used to being exhausted.

Well quite. The CEOs of large companies worth many billions with employees in the tens of thousands have holidays. Sure they might be on call, but they take holidays. This man with his sub 100 staff can’t organise himself to take an hour.

He's running a business which employs 50-100 people. So this is utter bullshit. He is not a struggling freelancer building up his client base. He has had 9 months to train someone well enough to manage in his absence for 7 mornings, as a bare minimum.

It's absolutely poor planning and management to suggest he can't possibly take time off.

It is literally two whole babies, one of whom is probably mobile.

No just about it.

Please pay for help. If he has a business of that size you can afford it. Get a doula.

He can’t drop everything or the income for your children and lifestyle disappears.

Things are rarely ideal and I’m so sorry you’re feeling so exhausted.

I hope you get that help in within the next week and that the rest of maternity is much better.

Feel better soon, caesarean is rough too.

Surely with 50-100 employees his business can manage without him so he can take a week or two off for paternity leave? He's likely to have trained someone to take over his role somewhat in case of illness or holiday cover. I get its hard going raising 2 babies but you're married and both decided to have a second child within a year or so of having your first he should chip in and take some parenting responsibilities to give you some support at home too. Tell him how he's making you feel it may just give him a kick up the backside if he realises that he could lose his marriage if things don't change

Some of these replies are utterly shocking. Shame on you.

@joao2570 I feel you, those early days when you're in pain and struggling to walk are really tough. Then the sleep deprivation on top. Your husband is being unfair to not be supporting you through this post-partum period. Try to have a talk with him, and explain how much pain you're in and that although you appreciate he needs to do some work, you really do need him to step up with being a husband and father right now until you've physically healed.

Not exactly in your situation as DH isn’t self employed but works long hours and our flat comes with his job!

Our baby came early so had to shift his time off, then my Dad who’d be diagnosed with cancer just before baby arrived declined quickly and passed away…… DH has pretty much used up any wiggle room/leave he has with Christmas approaching (works in hospitality) and has had an assistant manager move on so is picking up more hours etc!

Its been brutal at times and we have fallen out- shouted, cried, threaten to leave but what has helped me is to just embrace it and realise I’m just in survival mode and as long as we make it through it day all is fine and tomorrow is a new day and we start again!

Im sure your husband probably doesn’t want to be working all the hours but like mine there’s simply nothing he can do!!

Most people are not saying you should just manage on your own but are saying that 2 weeks paternity leave isn't necessarily something you can expect your partner as a self employed person to be able to do.
Do you not have any other options for support from family, friends or paid help?

You say he was like this last time - did you expect it to be different this time? If so, why?

@joao2570 I think you can safely ignore the posters who state or imply that you should be able to manage on your own.

Maybe they had easy deliveries that did no damage, or maybe they do not even have children!

Plus, every person is an individual. You know what sort of help you need. Your husband says he cannot provide that help personally right now, and that may very well be true.

Spend the money required in order to hire the help that you need. If your husband is even a little bit reasonable then he will be grateful that you have sorted it out.

You are being unreasonable for many reasons. This has happened before. Didn't you expect the same to happen with baby number 2? Did you discuss with your partner how unhappy it made you the first time and how you'd like it to be different the second time? Did you consider this before trying to conceive?
Also, having a newborn when your first child is still SO young is bound to be difficult. Was this not a consideration before trying to conceive so soon after your first?
If your partner's business is still in the phase where it needs a lot of attention, could you have postponed the kids until it wasn't?
He could absolutely take 2 weeks paternity leave (this is the bare minimum by the way, many employers offer more than this these days!), but he's choosing not to.
I wouldn't make any rash decisions about your relationship right now. You're still recovering from the birth and any major changes will be even more difficult for you.

Thinking of leaving him because he is focusing on maintaining an income? You’re assumedly on maternity leave or a SHM, in which case the majority of the workload should fall on you around the house and caring for the children. You need to work on your coping mechanisms if you are struggling at this stage as you are in for a shock as they will be even more difficult to manage in a year or so once they are both walking.

It's not standard if you are self-employed and will be relying on an income those weeks that you may not get if you are not working (depending on what type of work he does) That's not to say there couldn't be some form of compromise though

Oh OP I'm sorry I don't have any advice as I was shit at dealing with it but just wanted you to know that you're not alone and being upset and/or annoyed about it is perfectly valid. I went through similar and in fact my entire maternity leave was basically me being around for the kids 24/7 which the husband loved as it meant he could work as much as he wanted to without worrying about his responsibilities. 😬 It's only now that I've gone back to work does he realise what he did and feel guilty for it.

It's literally just two babies...

He needs to pay for you to have help. Completely unreasonable to expect you to do it all by yourself.

Is the business on the brink of collapse?

When you are self-employed you cannot just drop everything for two weeks straight. There is no one to pick up the work and you can lose clients. It really isn’t as simple as some are claiming.

If he is the sole earner, that’s especially important.

Seems that a proper discussion needs to be had. Men rarely intuit what is needed so you need to spell it out. if you are struggling you have to make it clear as chances are he will just think it hormonal.

@joao2570 going to put the cat among the pigeons here!!! when I had my children dads didnt get paternity leave, grandparent or dm didnt move in to help! new mums had to get on with it, no matter how exhausted we felt, and we did get on with it!!!! it all comes right in the end!!! I have even known girls who had twins being left to cope, and a girl who had only 8 months between her two babies (one premature) again no help needed! we all still managed to vacuum, launder and make the tea!

Sending love !

my DH is self employed and we physically can’t afford for him not to work. He went back to work 2 days after I had c section with our second child and we also have an almost 2 year old. He is often out 12-13 hrs a day. It is brutal. That first week/2 weeks was horrendous. Toddler ended up with hand foot n mouth. I obvz had to lift a toddler etc. they say don’t lift for 6 weeks which is totally unrealistic. It does get better. You will manage. Even if someone can help u out one day a week to get some peace ? I find going out and about keeps me sane. I hate being stuck in ! This mat leave is drastically different to DC1 mat leave when he was employed and worked from home due to Covid.