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Original poster

Dh works all the time - Ruining my maternity

332 replies

joao2570 · 29/11/2023 07:37

My dh runs a business and at the moment, it needs a lot of attention.

But I need a lot of attention too. 8 days ago I had our second baby, and we have a 1 year old too. We've had issues latching which are just resolving and my one year old has been a bit tearful and clingy.

My dh has not taken 2 weeks paternity leave. His reasoning is he just can't. He said he would do the minimum an hour or so a day but it's been lots more. I've been crying every day because I'm so exhausted and hormonal and I feel exhausted after 2 mins with my one year old.

It's turning into lots of hours here or there that I am alone with both children. Today my 1 year old is at nursery, so dh only had to have him a couple of hours in the morning. He's slept upstairs while I've been up all night with the newborn.

Our one year old woke up early and dh left him to cry and woke up me and newborn. On top of that he wants me to have both for an hour this morning so he can work before he takes 1 year old to nursery.

Im exhausted. I only get his help for 2 weeks and I haven't even got that. I'm ready to leave him as I feel work always comes first. I have 2 little children and I don't want them to feel like this either. When my first was born, he did the same thing. I'm still not over it as I was just left on my own looking after a baby while he worked in the other room and expected me to make him lunch!

I'm not asking for much, just the 2 weeks paternity leave so I can heal and be a good mum to my children. Aibu for just wanting my partner to not work and prioritise us for 2 weeks? I feel like he's ruining my maternity both times with this.

OP posts:
Chipsahoyagain · 29/11/2023 07:49

I'm ready to leave him as I feel work always comes first. I have 2 little children and I don't want them to feel like this either. When my first was born, he did the same thing.

Yabu for having another when this was a problem you knew about beforehand. B it anyway too late, he needs to be firmly told that he is failing in being a parent. How does he think you can cope with a brand new baby and a 1 year old. This is not acceptable. Do you have any family that could help in the interim? Can you afford to hire a temp nanny or something? I have a one year old and it's impossible to get much done let alone care for a brand new baby.

BeeDavis · 29/11/2023 07:47

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smilesup · 29/11/2023 07:44

I would be livid too.
If he is unable to organise his business so that he can have 2 weeks off to look after his family at such an important time he is shite at running a business.
Selfish man, I'm sorry you are going through this. Do you have someone else who can help now (and then deal with.Mr Important another time.

DinkyDonkey2018 · 29/11/2023 07:43

Will your husband taking 2 weeks off impact you all financially? Will work calm down soon so he can take some time off? Is there a family member you can lean on for help?

YouveGotAFastCar · 29/11/2023 07:43

Can you afford for him to not work for two weeks?

On the face of it; you’re not being unreasonable at all, but there’s a cost of living crisis and it’s a heavy load to be the sole breadwinner and business owner, so you’ve got no guaranteed pay. It’s one of the reasons I’ve taken a full time job between children - with my first, I spent a lot of time that I should have just been enjoying him worrying about money and clients, and I went back to work in week three.

If he did this the first time too, had you talked to him about how you wanted things to be different this time? Did he agree? Has something changed?

Newbie1011 · 29/11/2023 07:42

He is very very unreasonable not to take the two weeks, I’m so sorry OP. I would be furious too. He sounds like he is being very uncaring, can you talk to him calmly about how seriously let down you feel and how much you need him to be there for you while you recover from the birth?
My DH is a workaholic too and he drives me mad with it but he would never not take the two weeks, it’s so standard these days, what industry is your DP in?

aswarmofmidges · 29/11/2023 07:38

Have you got a mum or mil you could stay with

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