Sister wants £20 limit "per household"

Also if my sibling was worried about fiances and I knew they where panicking about gifts I would tell them don't worry about getting me a gift.

Or if I knew they would INSIST on it tell them you are cutting back on clutter and suggest something pretty cheap and consumable that you want... maybe like one of those big toblerones or a body spray that can be got for £3-£4.

Just do the £20 with your sister and buy everyone else what you want.

I think you need to be more sensitive to your sister’s financial situation and keep to the £20 household limit as agreed.

Why should the OP's parents miss out because one of their children is on a low income?

Nothing would stop me treating my mum after everything she's done for me.

You have agreed it so stick to it. Changing your mind after confirming in an email will cause more upset.

A lot of all this uncertainty can be avoided by picking up the phone and speaking to each other or if you live nearby meet in person. Emailing is ridiculous.

But on the matter of presents. She can't expect to have any say about what happens between you and your parents. There's nothing wrong with you spending more on them than she does if you want to and can afford to and likewise there is nothing wrong with her spending less, especially as you say she doesn't have a lot of money and lives alone, so she is paying all household costs from one income.

However, she should be able to be able to choose how to spend her limited disposable income on you and your parents and it is also reasonable to make this known in advance, in case you also want to stick to the same budget so you don't make things awkward by spending more than she does.

Or you could, radically, decide not to exchange gifts at all. Because even at £20, you either risk spending money on things that aren't wanted, or you have to get into the ridiculous charade of sending each other links of what you want as a gift and when you get to that stage, it's totally pointless and you might not bother and just buy the thing yourself.

I second saying you have already bought for your parents.

I never get all this gift giving bullshit... its made so commercial and heartless when people do this.

No gift giving has a budget dictated by others... buy whatever you want and can afford too.

Someone saying 'you must spend £20 each on my 3 kids' or someone saying 'you can only spend £10 on your parents' doesn't matter... they don't control YOUR budget.

I would spend like £15-£20 on family in the past, many of those family members (like male siblings) spent £0 on me and thats absoloutly fine... it never needed discussing. I buy the gifts because I want too.

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I'd say agree with your sister that between you both it is 20 per household. But what you spend on your parents is up to you.

OP, spend whatever you want on your parents. Don't give presents in secret like what other posters have suggested. Suggest to your sister that neither of you should give each other presents this year.

Just do what you want, stick to the the limit for her, but buy what you want to buy for your parents and say you’d already bought parents’ gifts.

or plead ignorance or that you didn’t read the email well enough or forgot.

Reply to her and say you are not willing to limit what you spend on your parents but are happy to forgo gift giving between your household and hers if that makes things easier for her as there is nothing you really need or want.

I'd message and say that you're happy to limit it to £20 between yours and her household but you don't want to do this for others.

Me and my brother have a kind of similar arrangement, we are both fairly skint and so we do presents for each others kids but not each other/our partners, I still buy for my mum & dad as usual, I have no idea how much he budgets for their gifts and he doesn't know what I spend

She can’t dictate what you choose to spend.

Absolutely reasonable for her to set expectations now between you both but not for what you choose to get your parents.

I understand that she may feel the pressure to compete but honestly- you’re all adults. It’s not a competition.

Id just send a clarifying email that you’ve agreed to the limit between you and her but not to the limit between you and your parents as you’ve already bought.

Don’t try and be “sneaky” with it as that will just ensure that this continues to happen when you don’t want it to.

I think you need to be more sensitive to your sister’s financial situation and keep to the £20 household limit as agreed.

You could always cheat a bit by buying your mum a non Christmas gift in the new year “just because “… but right now the most important thing is for your sister not to feel worried about not being able to afford Christmas or feeling bad if she gives everyone smaller gifts this year.

Surely you can give your mum other gifts after Christmas without your sister even knowing, if that’s what you want to do.

But it was your choice to buy presents for individuals. After the first year you should have bought them joint presents.

Maybe you could suggest your DS puts her £20 per household for your parents to you and you buy the presents from both of you - with her adding £20 contribution that she can afford.

As someone who has a sister that ALWAYs has to get the better present, spend more money, advises there's a budget and ignores it. ALWAYS without fail highlights that she is better daughter at all times. It's very tiring and annoying. I refuse to have any part of it.

Can’t you give your parents some of their presents earlier, when she’s not there? Or after she’s left?

That would make her feel a little less like you’re trying to out-do her, whilst ensuring you give what you’d like to.

Maybe she doesn't have much money, give your parents what you want to give them then give your sister £10.

What you spend on your parents is none of her business. If she wants to limit herself to £20 that's up to her.

I'd do it so she doesn't feel bad, but I'd also secretly gift your mum & dad the extra presents and ask them to open when sister isn't around. I'm sure they'll understand. X

I think I'd accidentally-on-purpose misunderstand and just stick to £20 for her gifts.

Get whatever you want to for your parents, it's not her business what you choose to gift them.

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“Happy to do £20 between us yes. Only got your present left to sort now - already got for mum & dad. See you soon!”

Yes. I usually buy joint presents for couples since I know they’ll give me a joint present in return. It’s fairer.