Sister wants £20 limit "per household"

Who the fuck is she to dictate what you give your parents. That’s nothing to do with her.

she can have a 20 limit with you and a 20 limit with her parents. I just can’t understand why she thinks she can dictate a limit for you to give your parents

So they should say that at the start shouldn’t they?

Mental load- FFS.

I wouldn't do what she wants. I'd email her back to say 'I am happy for you and I to do this between us but I want to treat mum and dad at Christmas. If you want to, spend the £20 you'd spend on me on them too so you can spend £20 each on them. I don't mind at all. I will be getting mum and dad what I had already planned.'

I suggested to my sister to stop all presents between us. It had become a fiasco anyway. Far easier just not to bother. OH has agreed the same with his brother.

We have moved over to token gifts between OH and I and for our son, whose now an adult himself. It's all a pointless and expensive waste of time buying random stuff for each other than we could easily just buy ourselves when we want things.

Christmas is for young children, not adults!

This was my thought too! Just spend whatever you want on other people, and stick to £20 for your sister.

I think it's a bit late in the day now to suggest a budget! It's December on Friday! But if I were you @ImTheGoat I would suggest not buying at all after this year. Buying gifts for everyone your are related to needs to stop, it's too stressful. (And expensive.)

My 3 female cousins were disgruntled some years ago when I wanted to stop buying for their 13 children (between them,) but I stuck to my guns and didn't buy. (After over about decade and a half of buying for all their kids!) Especially as the one - who has 7 - never bought for my two. Not even a £2 selection box each. I spent some £100 between the 7. I must have been mad. I was turned into a people pleaser by my dominant and critical mother. It felt so liberating to be able to say 'no, no more.'

Just stop buying gifts for everyone. Just your partner and your children, and maybe your parents. That's it.

I would suggest you and sister stop buying for each others households, release her from that financial pressure and spend the extra and your parents.

Bit of a cheek demanding you limit your parents budget to £10 each but DS still gets a £20 gift 🤣

It’s likely you’ve got the wrong end of the stick and she means between your household and hers. She can’t tell you what to spend on your parents and it’s between them and her if they decide to stick to that budget too.

I think it’s sensible suggestion. This year my sibling and I have agreed to only buy for the DC, though I will still give my parents presents. None of us spend more than £20 on each other anyway, it’s more a token.

some of my family are struggling financially this year so we decided to do secret santa for adults for 20-30 each plus a limit on presents for dc of the same value.

such a relief all around.

Say you got it in the Black Friday sales - 50% off, what a bargain!

This is what we do in our family and TBH it's a game changer and sanity saver.

Each adult gets allocated 1 other adult to buy for:
e.g. I will buy for my dad, someone else buys for my mum, someone buys for my sister etc.
You buy 1 present and set a spending limit e.g. £50 (that's what we do but equally could be £20)
The person you buy for could tell you what they would like or they get a voucher or wine .........

It's honestly a great system. We all have enough 'stuff' already and we get what we want. It actually saves money as you only buy 1 present for someone.

You could always give her some money.

Could you maybe gently suggest to your sister that you/Dh and her don't exchange gifts this year? she is obviously a bit strapped for cash, so you will be doing her a favour.

Tell her you have already bought your parents gifts this year.

Why should OP hide extra presents to her parents just to appease her ds. She can spend what she wants on her DP.
DS is a bit cheeky knowing she gets the better deal. What would be better would be £10 per person but instead she gets more than everyone else.
i would spend what I like on my DP and keep the limit for DS

Just a present from each of you for your mum, maybe your dad, agree no one else perhaps?

It's none of her business what you spend on your parents, just ignore and spend what you see fit.

But it's not that simple is it?

If you give someone a gift, most people will feel obliged to give one back. So it turns into you choosing how they spend their money. Because you've both spent £X and ended up with an item chosen by the other which may be unwanted or unsuitable.

Plus they have to pretend to like whatever you've given them and then either display, wear or use it, or they'll give it to a charity shop, and either way they'll feel guilty about the waste of money/resources and irritated about the extra mental load of dealing with buying gifts and getting rid of unwanted ones.

So while you might think it's a thoughtful, generous gesture, many don't agree and would prefer not to bother at all.

I was half joking, calm down everyone. But think about all the stress, expense, paper, sellotape, bags, that not buying presents (for adults) would do to save your pocket and the planet.

None of our adults do gifts anymore and that's going back years. We are not fighting, no MIL issues, no controlling parents/partners/siblings and so on. We see each other regularly and get along quite well, as most people do. Birthday gifts and celebrations are what we concentrate on, as they are personal to the recipient, and they have centre stage for that one day all to themselves.

Christmas is a bit of a frenzy and sometimes the thought and expense of a gift gets lost in the mayhem, or the appreciation only lasts five minutes, and it's on to the next gift. Just my feeling anyway.

I often feel the bigger and more expensive the gift, the greater the guilt over something.

I would go back and say "sorry, I misread and thought you meant £20 per person, £10 per household isn't going to work for me as I want to get mum a couple of books etc. Not going to go mad but more than happy for you to stick to £20 per household"

Buy 3 for 2

£20 on mum, £20 on dad, sisters free giving you an additional £20 to split between parents for the usual you’d spend, take advantage of discount deals today as cyber Monday.

Just bend the rules slightly essentially and you can keep to budget but also spoil your parents how you want to.

You know you can give your parents gifts at any time don't you?

Means so much more if you give someone a gift when you are not expected to.

Just tell her you’ve already done your Christmas shopping and misunderstood the email.

She has no right to tell you what to give to other people just because she can’t afford to match your gifts. Assume it is between your household and hers and do whatever you want for your parents

😂
If I want to buy people (adults and children alike) gifts I will, and nobody is going to make me feel bad for doing so. All this dictating by people about what others should/shouldn’t do with their money is what is childish.

If we did that here no one would get a gift!

For family and friends we do children only but for our household we are all adults.