Husband left kids alone at home

say Whatever you want to say
both times it was the party and/or drinking!
they both agreed it is ok to leave them alone for sometimes- so why wouldn’t he leave them sleeping because it is Ok to leave them as they’ve agreed! They agreed that oh they are too young to be left alone for longer period of times but ok to left for shorter period of times and was it nights or day- no ground rules!
5 minutes- by what? On foot or by car? It is not ok to leave a phone with 11 yo to be in charge of 8yo when you couldn’t get a babysitter but going to a party was much more than important to you- you stay at home even if the birthday party is your sister or mother to take the damn children you decided to have with you!

Ff

They're far too young. But also your husband lied to you. I would be livid.

They're too young to be left at all. It was dangerous the first time you did it but at least you've thought on it and decided not to do it again. His behaviour is absolutely reprehensible.

I agree with PPs that this was normal in the past but really, anything CAN happen. I was the most sensible, steady kid but even I had my off moments and got myself into bother. When I was about 10, I was left home for a couple of hours looking after my younger sister and a friend and her little sister and we were playing ready steady cook. Parents probably thought we'd just mix ingredients into foul concoctions but we had grander plans. I'd just learnt how to make sauté potatoes so thought I'd do that and started a chip pan fire. I don't know what possessed me but my point is, even steady kids can do stupid things.

Luckily I'd been taught how to put a chip pan fire out when the fire brigade did some kind of visit to school or guides or something. I managed to put the fire out and get the younger children and pets outside, but it could have been terrible. My dad came home to find our elderly labrador sitting outside looking depressed with a bunch of kids and a strong smell of smoke on the air. The wall around the hob was all blackened.

So although fires etc are a relatively small risk, they can happen!

There is no way on gods earth I would leave my kids for that long, they are much too young. Your DH is extremely irresponsible and I’d worry about trusting them after this. But you were just as bad. What was your/ his plan if one of them woke up, was ill, someone knocked at the door, or god forbid a fire broke out. A lot can happen in 20 mins- is it really worth it to go out on the piss? Just book a babysitter or don’t bloody well go FFS.

https://www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

Although there is surprisingly no legal age limit for leaving children alone, nspcc says under 12s are rarely mature enough.

Don't do it again

You clearly don’t feel comfortable leaving them alone so make sure you don’t bow to any pressure from your partner to do it again. We all make errors of judgement as parents, and what seems ok to some will seem negligent to others. Some kids will be more confident at being left them others- needs to be considered. Learn from this, have a serious talk with your partner about the potential (albeit grossly exaggerated in some people’s minds!) risks of them being alone and move on.

It's not just leaving them alone but why they are being left.

How so? People are talking about what could happen when you're out and how children can cope. This does not change depending on why you are out, whether it's day drinking or bible study.

Yes! She arranged it a week prior, Dh should have stayed home. Why are pp having a go at the op?

It's not just leaving them alone but why they are being left. For example, today I wanted to go for a meal and few drinks in a pub. DD didn't want to come with us or go out with her friends, asking to be left alone. Even during the day (let's say 12-2) it's inappropriate to leave her for a few drinks. I might leave her while I go to Tesco for 40 mins or similar but not for me to go and have fun. She's 12. Leaving primary school age children at night for a birthday party shouldn't be a thought. Great that OP realised after that it was wrong but most of us know before hand. Her DH is a shit because he specifically said he wouldn't leave them and then did.

I think he was being unreasonable but you both were when you went to a party together and left them home alone. Work around each other, ask family or friends to sit for you or use a babysitter.

Absolutely this. Disgraceful, OP.

I think it's far too young still
I know you get really responsible 12yos but in the eyes of the law and society it isn't acceptable

Op you're getting a lot of strongly worded comments and I think that's understandable
The children are too young however you look at it ,
More so having a 11yo watch a younger sibling

We are so nervous to even pop to do the bins or something and leave our 12yo alone with our toddler -
It's not fair on him either if we ever left them unattended

Having said this , I use to watch my brother regularly whilst one parent went to work and I waited for the other to come home . I was a responsible girl but at the same time it wouldn't be accepted now - quite rightly so

We're planning on leaving our 12 and 10 year old for a couple of hours this evening to go to a local friends birthday drinks. We'll go early snd be home by 10.

Knowing my kids as I do I think they'll be fine, but this thread has made me think.

Oh and for those who think it’s okay - look up the awful story from yesterday where a 7 year old left unattended whilst his mum was at her partner’s, left the house and tragically got hit by a car and died. His mum was convicted for neglect and is serving time in prison. I think he had a phone as well but the bottom line is children around that age are vulnerable and unpredictable. It is not safe at all to
leave them especially at night when they could awaken disorientated and a tragic accident could occur.

I think that more or less echoed my feelings too but I might want the eldest to be more like 15 or 16 if the youngest was much under 10 and it was late night.

@Supergirl1958 the OP doesn't put her social life on hold. But she states she couldn't get a babysitter, so therefore either mother or father doesn't go.

Madeleine McCann was three. And left alone at night in an unlocked room, on holiday in a foreign country. Not remotely the same thing.

Child neglect is still child neglect, whether 8yrs or 3yrs - particularly when it’s to go out and drink with friends. Yes, 3yrs is definitely more vulnerable than 8/11yrs, but neither scenario is right.

I suspect this will happen again and again as for them partying and drinking is much more important than their kids safety!

This is batshit !! Where in any of the OP’s posts does it suggest they're more interested in ‘partying’ than their childrens’ safety ? OP and her DH left them once for 2 hours, nearby and in contact by phone. Then decided they were too young to be left. OP went to a night out and left the children in her DH’s care. No, he shouldn’t have left them even if he was only local at a friends’ house - they’d already agreed to wait until the children were older. But two occasions hardly constitutes ‘partying’ !!

11 is fine at home during the day for an hour or two, when they know how to contact parents if needed. For a late night evening out looking after younger siblings, I'd say 13-14 is OK.

My 17 year old has ASD and definitely could not have been left at 14 because he has really poor risk appraisal, which has improved a lot in the past year-but I still wouldn't leave him in charge of his younger siblings-particularly my 13 year old-unless my 15 yr old DD is in the house as well.

All children are different and for some, being left at 14 is still not appropriate. I think in almost all instances though, under 10 is too young to be left, particularly at night.

Oh don’t be so rude. That’s what she feels comfortable with. Personally I would be fine with a sensible 14 year old but some I know would be inclined to invite friends round, hunt out alcohol etc. It can vary vastly from one 14 year old to another. She’s giving her line in the sand because it was asked. Feel free to give yours if it’s different but don’t insult her 14 year old because he doesn’t slot into your metric.

Even then it’s not ok! Locked or not locked!

there could be so many things go wrong!