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Original poster

Husband left kids alone at home

509 replies

OhDamnYourEyes · 25/11/2023 00:32

I just came back home after a night out with friends, which was arranged a week ago. Husband was going to be home with the kids (8 & 11), put them to bed etc.

Yesterday he asked what time I was likely to be back, as a friend had asked him to go out for a drink. I said that I wasn’t sure, but not until fairly late. As a joke I said ‘you won’t just go out and leave them, will you’ and he laughted and said ‘of course not’.

Fast forward to tonight, I come home at 23:45, kids asleep, he’s not here. When I call him, he’s at his friends house (ca. 15 mins away) for a drink.

We had recently discussed starting to leave them home alone for short periods every now and then, and once went out together to a birthday nearby from 8-10.30pm (we couldn’t get a babysitter and gave them a phone to call us if they needed to). I did however say that I feel they are actually a bit to young for this, and that while I think it’s ok to go to the shops for an hour in the daytime and leave them, I don’t feel comfortable doing so at night.

I had a massive go at him over the phone, told him that he’s irresponsible and that I don’t want to see him. What would you do?

OP posts:
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7
Boysnana · 27/11/2023 09:59

Seriously ?? You choose drinking over the safety and nurturing of your children.

Sign them over to someone else if you cant be arsed... before either something happens or they get taken. Talk about willfully neglect. Ffs. Absolute clowns the both of you

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 27/11/2023 08:01

DonnaBanana · 27/11/2023 00:19

Only one word is needed here: Maddy

I will never leave my kids alone. They will need to be adults before I do that.

So the first time they will be in a house alone will be at university potentially? You need to build up to them being able to live/travel away from home potentially at 18 so need to be starting a few years before that.

Calliopespa · 27/11/2023 07:46

pam290358 · 26/11/2023 23:29

My point is that OP tried it once, wasn’t comfortable with it, and agreed with her DH not to do it again until they were older. OP goes on a night out and DH leaves the children alone, but people are piling on her !!

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Yes I agree.

BusyMum47 · 27/11/2023 06:59

OhDamnYourEyes · 25/11/2023 01:03

Junbean, he said he put them to bed at 9 and then went out at 10. I don’t think he would have told them that he was planning to go out.

So if they'd have woken up &/or had a problem etc, they'd have had no idea where he was or how to get hold of him?! That's out & out child neglect. I'd have a very hard time forgiving that/him.

MyopicBunny · 27/11/2023 06:52

DonnaBanana · 27/11/2023 00:19

Only one word is needed here: Maddy

I will never leave my kids alone. They will need to be adults before I do that.

I think you mean Madeleine? Even though increasingly, people are questioning whether she was even abducted in the first place.

Orangello · 27/11/2023 05:53

I will never leave my kids alone. They will need to be adults before I do that.

You will get a babysitter for a 17 year old?

Anyotherdude · 27/11/2023 01:50

I don’t think my DP’s were wrong leaving me to look after my 5-year old DSis when I was 11, 50+ years ago - they had brought me up to be sensible and responsible, after all.
There were rules to follow (not to answer the door and strict instructions on bath and bedtime) that I followed happily each week while they went to their evening class.

If anything it made us better siblings, as we bonded over the bedtime stories I read her.
I was also put on the bus on my own each Saturday, aged 7, to go to music lessons, and happily took charge of my DSis and NDN’s DS, aged 6 and 8, when I was 12, during the summer holidays, visiting parks and museums around London, travelling by bus and tube, and taking a picnic with us!
How times have changed…

SillyOldBucket · 27/11/2023 00:47

I would be furious with him. They are too young to be left alone at night. I have twins and at 9 years old although we left them for an hour or two during the day sometimes if we were doing something boring like going to the dump - they were far happier staying at home watching a movie, I would never ever have left them home alone at night not even at 11 years old. By the time they were 10 years old, they were walking home from school and letting themselves in the house and were alone until I got home from work but we never left them alone in the evening until they were 13 or 14.

DonnaBanana · 27/11/2023 00:19

Only one word is needed here: Maddy

I will never leave my kids alone. They will need to be adults before I do that.

Rosscameasdoody · 27/11/2023 00:01

Cucumbersandwich75 · 26/11/2023 23:31

It’s illegal to leave children under 12 alone, even for short periods.

There’s no legal minimum age, but it’s illegal to put them in a dangerous situation.

PuttingDownRoots · 26/11/2023 23:36

Cucumbersandwich75 · 26/11/2023 23:31

It’s illegal to leave children under 12 alone, even for short periods.

No it isn't. Its illegal to put them in danger, not to leave them alone.

Cucumbersandwich75 · 26/11/2023 23:31

It’s illegal to leave children under 12 alone, even for short periods.

Butterytwigusedforjam · 26/11/2023 23:30

We were left alone during the day at that age, during school holidays when our mum had to work, but never in the evening.

pam290358 · 26/11/2023 23:29

Calliopespa · 26/11/2023 23:20

But it was. That’s what people are referring to. OP has complained about her DH but actually she had already done it on an earlier occasion. I don’t think those circumstances were as bad ( some posters seem to think the differences between the two occasions are irrelevant; both times the children were left unattended by an adult). But that’s why people are saying she has done the same as him. And it’s the lack of appropriate supervision at issue, not having a night out.

Show quote history

My point is that OP tried it once, wasn’t comfortable with it, and agreed with her DH not to do it again until they were older. OP goes on a night out and DH leaves the children alone, but people are piling on her !!

Calliopespa · 26/11/2023 23:20

pam290358 · 26/11/2023 23:11

And you’ve entirely missed the point that it wasn’t the OP who left them alone while she went on a night out. It was her DH.

Show quote history

But it was. That’s what people are referring to. OP has complained about her DH but actually she had already done it on an earlier occasion. I don’t think those circumstances were as bad ( some posters seem to think the differences between the two occasions are irrelevant; both times the children were left unattended by an adult). But that’s why people are saying she has done the same as him. And it’s the lack of appropriate supervision at issue, not having a night out.

Amybelle88 · 26/11/2023 23:12

Canthave2manycats · 25/11/2023 00:37

They are far far too young to be left alone, and you are just as bad as he is if you left them alone to go to a birthday party!!! WTAF is wrong with the both of you???!

What would they do if you had burglars? How would they react if the house went on fire?

You are both utterly irresponsible and if I knew your identity, I would report you to social services!

Couldn't agree more.

My son is about to turn 8 and the thought of leaving him home alone, even with a ten year old, gives me the fear! They just aren't equipped to deal with problems that could arise. Good god.

You're both so incredibly irresponsible my mind is blown.

pam290358 · 26/11/2023 23:11

Calliopespa · 26/11/2023 21:58

I think you have entirely missed the point. Night out with children properly looked after : absolutely fine. Night out leaving children to fend for themselves: not fine.

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And you’ve entirely missed the point that it wasn’t the OP who left them alone while she went on a night out. It was her DH.

LondonLovie · 26/11/2023 23:10

You both seriously need to give your heads a wobble. Leaving your kids at all at that age is utterly irresponsible and selfish

Rosscameasdoody · 26/11/2023 23:09

JFDIYOLO · 25/11/2023 16:06

https://www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

Although there is surprisingly no legal age limit for leaving children alone, nspcc says under 12s are rarely mature enough.

Don't do it again

Don't do it again
She didn’t. He did.

IlikePinaColada84 · 26/11/2023 22:42

SheIsStuck23 · 25/11/2023 00:43

This!!

Jesus Christ OP!

Leaving them alone from 8pm - 10.30pm so you could go to a party is disgusting.

Shame on both of you.

You SERIOUSLY need to think about the potential severity of your actions. I’m horrified.

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Agreed. I have an 8 year old also.

Roo07 · 26/11/2023 22:14

I wouldn’t leave my 8 & 12 year old home alone together. I will leave my 12 year old (nearly 13) by herself but no way would I make her responsible for looking after my 8 year old. Both are very sensible but the 8 year old is just not old enough.

Calliopespa · 26/11/2023 21:58

user1473878824 · 26/11/2023 20:50

Why the FUCK is she unreasonable to have a night out?!?!?!

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I think you have entirely missed the point. Night out with children properly looked after : absolutely fine. Night out leaving children to fend for themselves: not fine.

restingbitchface30 · 26/11/2023 21:47

Anything could happen and at this age they may be too young to know what to do in an emergency. What if someone broke in? A fire started? One of them fell down stairs? Literally a ton of things could happen. They are too young to be left alone for a long period of time.

LaDamaDeElche · 26/11/2023 21:43

Notimeforaname · 25/11/2023 00:35

You're both unreasonable. 8 and 11 is way to young to be leaving alone while you drink or go to parties ffs.

.

Ramalangadingdong · 26/11/2023 21:41

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 26/11/2023 20:51

I doubt OP will be back

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I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t come back either.

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