Husband left kids alone at home

You both sound way too selfish to be parents ,your children should be your priority , if you cannot go to a party then that is how it is if you cannot get a babysitter .He sounds like utterly selfish dad and you went out sounding like you rather half expected him to go out .Poor kids .

It’s a pity because just shouting and shaming isn’t really exploring the situation at all.

What’s not ok is leaving an 8 and 11 year old during the night on their own as the OP’s DH has done.

If saying that, and taking issue with someone making the sort of points in defence of it that you’ve made, makes me confrontational, then so be it.

I wondered if you had any direct experience of parenting late primary/early secondary children @eastegg and if it was present day or years ago. I think nowadays people are more risk averse and that’s both good and bad. You do seem particularly confrontational about it. It’s ok for people to raise their children differently to you, we need lots of different kinds of people in the world.

Not to mention the fact that if the child raises the alarm in some way e.g. contacting a neighbour, then you could well be knackered legally speaking. And when I say ‘you’ I mean a parent in the situation OP’s DH is in. And if they have an accident and hurt themselves then you’d definitely be knackered legally speaking.

How old my kids are is irrelevant as we’re talking about the situation in the OP, at least that’s what I thought we were talking about.

How dangerous the area is is also pretty irrelevant, as all the things that have been pointed out to you by a pp as things that could go wrong have nothing to do with being in a dangerous area.

Your last question is odd and it’s difficult to tell what you’re getting at but here goes. If you’re saying that a child can have a nightmare and get through it without running to a parent, sure, that might sometimes happen, but if the child does need a parent, and let’s face it most children having a nightmare do want a parent, and they call and search and can’t find them, then I imagine that could be traumatic.

I’d be absolutely furious but quite frankly I can’t imagine my DP ever doing this or us ever having a conversation where we think it’s ok to leave 8 & 11yr olds alone at night. Did the kids know he’d gone? Did they have any way of contacting either one of you if worried or scared? Poor kids. What if they had a nightmare, were sick, etc? I can’t believe a parent would think it’s ok to just go out on the piss 15mins away with the other parent out/also drinking. How long was he going to be out if you hadn’t contacted him?

I know. Totally agree.

It is more dangerous but only because our roads are not, on the whole, pedestrian friendly. My nearest primary school is easily a walkable distance away but even I, as an adult, would be terrified to walk there because of traffic. So will have to chauffeur my son a stupid 2 minute distance that he could otherwise walk in 15 if only our roads were safer.

Our terrible traffic design doesn’t affect how safe it is to be at home without a parent, though.

I also grew up in a country where kids take themselves to and from school from when they start primary at 7yo. And as school finishes earlier than typical office hours those kids will then spend a little bit of time home alone before their parents get back. It is a damn shame my kid won’t be able to enjoy the same independence.

Who would? My 2 DC don't have phones. Nor do I have a tracking device on my phone.

@VioletBeauregardeTheFirst honestly? They’d text or ring. That’s if they hadn’t tracked you first.

@eastegg it's not as bad but because it was bad enough I can't imagine how terrifying it would be for the OP's DC to wake with no one there no matter how loud they shouted or how long they searched.

Well indeed. But JeezWhatNext thinks that a child waking in the night like that and wondering where their parents are is a) very unlikely to happen and b) in any event ‘manageable’ by the child. I suppose in your scenario it’s not quite so bad as your parents were so close and could presumably hear you shout/see you come looking, but in the OP scenario that’s not the case.

Children used to walk to school by themselves, certainly my parents did. Here children walk home from year 5 (so 9/10).

in any case , it it the law : under the age of 12 children are not allowed to be left alone late in the evening .

No it is not.

I was poorly whilst in a static caravan on holiday. I couldn't find my parents anywhere and they were only outside the (closed but not locked) front door having drinks with neighbouring caravans. I was about 8 and still remember the terror and disorientation of not being able to find them because understandably they hadn't thought to tell me they were 'going out' because they (in their eyes) weren't. I would never do the same to my DC.

Why doesn’t our culture have us train kids to walk to school by 5 then? It’s either more dangerous here or we want to protect our children more but then what does that say about the Swiss?

In this situation, he was being unreasonable. He shouldn't have left them.

But you can't really say anything about it without being a hypocrite. He probably thought you'd be fine with it cuusss you are when it suits you 🤷🏼‍♀️😬

What on Earth makes you think that? Parts of the uk have high crime rates but by no means everywhere. People are worried about nightmares not burglars, I think?

Does any country advocate developing their independence by going out at night without telling them first?

@HeavyHeidi That does sound very nice but Switzerland is very different to the UK. It is a dangerous society with dangerous people all over the place

I thought my children all sorts of safety things , but when they were children ( now teenagers ) they are not equipped nor should they be required to behave like adults .
That is our responsibility. as parents : to teach , love and protect them until they are adults . So yes , they should know what to do in case of an emergency, but hopefully an adult will always be present to help .
in any case , it it the law : under the age of 12 children are not allowed to be left alone late in the evening .

I am living in another country and feel like what I think is acceptable (grew up in uk) is not the same as people here.

Certainly very different. I'm in Switzerland - now of course this also depends and I am by no means speaking for all parents. But generally, you would be judged if you said your 11yo is not capable of being home alone for a few hours. This would be seen as you are not giving your child age-appropriate independence and you have not done your job as a parent to prepare them for life. All that is a massive thing, how to start small, what children need to know. You can't just do nothingm never leave them for a minute and then one random day decide that now you're old enough, I'm out!

It's expected that children walk to school by themselves from 4-5 years old (depending on how long and complex the route is). You are expected to work on preparing your children for that from about 2 years old - how to cross, what to do if something happens etc.
Schools send out letters to parents reminding them how important walking to school by themselves is, and you get told off for being an 'elterntaxi' : https://www.tcs.ch/de/testberichte-ratgeber/ratgeber/verkehrserziehung/elterntaxis.php

Now, when you are used to your 5yo managing street traffic several times per day (kids often go home for lunch), possibly public transport - it does not sound so unbelieveable that an 8 or 10 yo could be home alone for a short period of time. Many of my friends have kids that age and as far as I know, we are all comfortable leaving them home alone. (But not late at night and I certainly haven't heard that any of us would sneak out when kids are asleep.)

@eastegg well I can only “do me” really can’t I?

Are your children very young or do you live in a particularly dangerous area?

What do you think happens if you for example wake up having had a nightmare and don’t run to your parents?

Out of interest what is acceptable in your country? I am living in another country and feel like what I think is acceptable (grew up in uk) is not the same as people here.