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Original poster

Husband left kids alone at home

509 replies

OhDamnYourEyes · 25/11/2023 00:32

I just came back home after a night out with friends, which was arranged a week ago. Husband was going to be home with the kids (8 & 11), put them to bed etc.

Yesterday he asked what time I was likely to be back, as a friend had asked him to go out for a drink. I said that I wasn’t sure, but not until fairly late. As a joke I said ‘you won’t just go out and leave them, will you’ and he laughted and said ‘of course not’.

Fast forward to tonight, I come home at 23:45, kids asleep, he’s not here. When I call him, he’s at his friends house (ca. 15 mins away) for a drink.

We had recently discussed starting to leave them home alone for short periods every now and then, and once went out together to a birthday nearby from 8-10.30pm (we couldn’t get a babysitter and gave them a phone to call us if they needed to). I did however say that I feel they are actually a bit to young for this, and that while I think it’s ok to go to the shops for an hour in the daytime and leave them, I don’t feel comfortable doing so at night.

I had a massive go at him over the phone, told him that he’s irresponsible and that I don’t want to see him. What would you do?

OP posts:
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MrsCocoaJones1 · 25/11/2023 01:09

Yeah I mean for me this is an absolute leave the bastard situation but given that you’ve done it before I’m not sure where this leaves you 🤷🏻‍♀️

hoobanoobie · 25/11/2023 01:09

You're fucking ridiculous and responsible for how this has played out. You took the complete piss leaving them like that and set a precedent for him to do so.
Give yourself a serious fucking shake.
The pair are you are completely stupid and irresponsible. You deserve what you're getting here. Your poor kids. Do spend some time pondering what could have happened, you should've done that well before now.
What next when you want some time off? I don’t believe that you'll actually learn from this.

Nofilteritwonthelp · 25/11/2023 01:07

I think that's too young, but don't understand why you had a go at him when you've done it yourself

monsteramunch · 25/11/2023 01:07

OhDamnYourEyes · 25/11/2023 01:03

Junbean, he said he put them to bed at 9 and then went out at 10. I don’t think he would have told them that he was planning to go out.

I couldn't be in a relationship with someone so fucking selfish.

He went out to drink knowing his kids could wake up to an empty home with no adults, with no warning. He doesn't give a shit about how horribly scary that would be for them. Let alone about the risks it causes.

I couldn't even look at him tbh.

Loubelle70 · 25/11/2023 01:07

OhDamnYourEyes · 25/11/2023 01:03

Junbean, he said he put them to bed at 9 and then went out at 10. I don’t think he would have told them that he was planning to go out.

Sorry OP. Ive got to unfollow thread. Its giving me panic attack!!!. What if those kids woke up... frightened no one was in?..omg. what if house was broken into whilst kids were alone... thinking dad was about?. Theyre asleep and there's a fire. No adult. I gotta go OP. Youve a problem...this means u cant leave husband with kids alone now...babysitter or nothing.

Nonimai · 25/11/2023 01:05

You were wrong previously. You set a dangerous precedent. You know this and have moved on. The current facts are that he has put his fun‘ before the safety and security of your children. He has disrespected you and proved himself a completely irresponsible father. For me, and I suspect a lot on here, putting my children in danger is not something you get to do twice. He would be gone. I wouldn’t let him back in the house. For good. Done.

JamieKnows · 25/11/2023 01:04

My god. You left them home alone? Why? Just take them to the party or don't go. Now your husband has fucked off out and they're on their own after midnight. Poor kids

takemehomecountryroads · 25/11/2023 01:04

OhDamnYourEyes · 25/11/2023 00:47

They we’re 8 and 11 on the occasion we left them for 2.5hrs in the evening, it was a couple of months ago. They watched a film and we checked in with them via call/text every 20 mins, then came home and put them to bed. We did check if they were ok with it or feeling worried about it and they were fine, otherwise we wouldn’t have done it. But I agree, they are do young and I haven’t agreed to it since when husband has suggested similar.

Wow. Parents of the year.

Original poster
OhDamnYourEyes · 25/11/2023 01:03

Junbean, he said he put them to bed at 9 and then went out at 10. I don’t think he would have told them that he was planning to go out.

OP posts:
Canisaysomething · 25/11/2023 01:03

Get a babysitter like everyone else who wants to go out but has primary school age kids.

MrsCocoaJones1 · 25/11/2023 01:00

I live in a “nice” area and let me tell you, burglaries and car thefts are absolutely sky rocketing.

MrsCocoaJones1 · 25/11/2023 00:59

A magically safe area where the houses are fireproof and impenetrable? That kind of safe area?

It is shit when you can’t get a babysitter. It means one of you needs to miss out. And that’s crap. But that’s life with young kids. You don’t just…go anyway and hope for the best. Ffs 🤦🏻‍♀️

Loubelle70 · 25/11/2023 00:56

OhDamnYourEyes · 25/11/2023 00:52

Thanks, Pumpkin. For context, the birthday was 5 mins away from our home in a safe area. But agree with other posters, it’s too young, it did make me feel uncomfortable and I therefore decided not to do it again until they are older.

With respect...a fire (or other nasties) can take hold very quickly...5 minutes? That's if you can get home in that time and if DC are able to contact you.
Like youve said, you wouldn't do it again. We all make mistakes as parents..you havent killed anyone.
Personally...if my kids...oldest has to be around 14 to care for other sibling and only if older one responsible x

User3456 · 25/11/2023 00:53

Not ok, no

Original poster
OhDamnYourEyes · 25/11/2023 00:52

Thanks, Pumpkin. For context, the birthday was 5 mins away from our home in a safe area. But agree with other posters, it’s too young, it did make me feel uncomfortable and I therefore decided not to do it again until they are older.

OP posts:
Loubelle70 · 25/11/2023 00:52

Your husband has a drink problem?.
Saying 'we need to start leaving them a bit at a time' is your husbands excuse to just go out on the piss when he wants. Yes, kids should be left a bit at a time..but not at this age and certainly not 11 year old caring for 8 year old. The dangers give me heart palpitations

SheIsStuck23 · 25/11/2023 00:50

OhDamnYourEyes · 25/11/2023 00:47

They we’re 8 and 11 on the occasion we left them for 2.5hrs in the evening, it was a couple of months ago. They watched a film and we checked in with them via call/text every 20 mins, then came home and put them to bed. We did check if they were ok with it or feeling worried about it and they were fine, otherwise we wouldn’t have done it. But I agree, they are do young and I haven’t agreed to it since when husband has suggested similar.

Absolutely nothing you say is going to justify it.

You can be angry with your DH for going back on his word but you can’t be angry at him for leaving the children alone seeing as you were happy to do it when you wanted to go to a party.

Loubelle70 · 25/11/2023 00:48

Vriddle · 25/11/2023 00:39

You should not leave an 11yo in charge of a younger child. You should not leave either child alone at night, asleep and defenceless.

Your dh is well out of order. But you both set this precedent already.

I agree. Not bashing OP ..eg: if there was a fire that 11 year old needs to get them both out....far too much responsibility. Ptsd..

ScattieHattie1 · 25/11/2023 00:48

Both equally terrible, and yet you were ok to do it when you couldn't get a babysitter. Far too young at 8!

Original poster
OhDamnYourEyes · 25/11/2023 00:47

They we’re 8 and 11 on the occasion we left them for 2.5hrs in the evening, it was a couple of months ago. They watched a film and we checked in with them via call/text every 20 mins, then came home and put them to bed. We did check if they were ok with it or feeling worried about it and they were fine, otherwise we wouldn’t have done it. But I agree, they are do young and I haven’t agreed to it since when husband has suggested similar.

OP posts:
Loubelle70 · 25/11/2023 00:46

No way would i leave them alone. Far too young. Gosh.

Namerequired · 25/11/2023 00:44

Well I was all for saying I would never trust him with the kids again, and he obviously has a drink problem if he thinks it’s ok to leave kids alone to go out for a drink with his friend. Then I read you also thought it was ok when you both wanted to go to a party. So you both can’t be trusted and have a problem. I hope someone reports you soon. You left an 11 yr old babysitting an 8 yr old! This is seriously not ok

Pumpkinspicelattetime · 25/11/2023 00:44

Oh ffs people - the OP knows they were a bit too young previously, that's why she said she wouldn't be comfortable leaving them again after that one time. She doesn't need you all having a massive go at her, she learnt her lesson the first time and expected her husband to as well. Instead, he chose to lie to her and leave the kids alone.

SheIsStuck23 · 25/11/2023 00:43

Canthave2manycats · 25/11/2023 00:37

They are far far too young to be left alone, and you are just as bad as he is if you left them alone to go to a birthday party!!! WTAF is wrong with the both of you???!

What would they do if you had burglars? How would they react if the house went on fire?

You are both utterly irresponsible and if I knew your identity, I would report you to social services!

This!!

Jesus Christ OP!

Leaving them alone from 8pm - 10.30pm so you could go to a party is disgusting.

Shame on both of you.

You SERIOUSLY need to think about the potential severity of your actions. I’m horrified.

junbean · 25/11/2023 00:41

I think the plan you had in place was fine- you know your kids and what they can handle. But him lying and going behind your back is inexcusable. Did he leave before or after they fell asleep? As in, if he left after they fell asleep and they didn't know he was leaving, and they woke up alone, how traumatizing that might be for them, or if they'd gone to a neighbors and the police were called or something. It could get serious. It's also a betrayal of trust in your relationship.

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