Husband left kids alone at home

I think its fine to leave an 8 an11 year old alone for a couple of hours in the daytime.For some reason it feels worse when they are asleep in bed.However i once rang SS about our tenant who left her terrified 9 yo at home while she went out til late on saturday nights, and was told that that was fine, so i dont know!!

Agree with others. Kids should not be left at those ages even if you were '5 minutes away'.
I wouldn't do it again.

Is this a joke?

The fact you even considered let alone left the kids alone In the first place is actually wild to me.

Only acceptable to start leaving them alone when they are teenagers.

Jesus

I’ve voted YABU purely because you BOTH should never have left them previously when you went to a party. Yes he’s out of order leaving them last night but together you had set a (completely unacceptable) precedent. Not a lot of things shock me on MN these days but this has. Way too little to be left at home while you go partying.

You are both irresponsible

I was home alone a few years ago and a pipe burst in the bathroom- spraying HOT water everywhere. There was quite a flood already by the time I was able to turn the water off (and it was daytime, would have been so much harder at night). It really made me think about my kids as despite living in a safe area and kids being very mature and sensible they would not have know what to do in this situation (would probably panic now at 17 & 15!)

We’ve also had two houses catch fire in our street in the middle of the day. You really need to feel extremely confident about your kids’ ability to handle any kind of emergency before you leave them alone at home. Your DH sounds like he has a drinking problem to be honest, or at the very least is incredibly immature and selfish.

You are both utterly irresponsible. Neglectful parenting. Your poor children.

8 and 11 is just shocking for nighttime and while drinking too daytime still way too much responsibility for a 11 year old.
My 13 year old has only just started being left in the evening for a hour and my best friend lives next door.

Omg your both irresponsible. You don't leave an 11 year old in charge of an 8 year old at any time. Should be ashamed of yourselves.

I can’t believe this is actually real. My eldest is 11 and he is only just beginning to be left for short periods. Today I left him for about 15 minutes while I walked the dog round the block, but I made the 8 year come with me. This was after school so it wasn’t even dark yet. You and your husband are totally irresponsible and I think your husband will do this again now it’s been allowed to happen.

Sorry for the pile-on OP. The thing is kids do panic. My then 10yo rang the police because he couldn't find me in my bed. I was in his brothers room sleeping with him as he was unsettled. Woke to have a phone handed to me by my then mortified 10yo and a lovely lady saying " sorry to wake you as your son has said you are home now he's found you but we just have to check".
Also my youngest is now 11yo and I am just starting to leave him alone for short trips to the local shop, mostly less than an hour etc. He still phones me, but that's ok. Step by step. 8 yo is WAY too young.

Ermm you're both beyond unreasonable. Why would you think that was ok??

You both are very irresponsible and v v unreasonable!
You thought it is ok for leave the children alone when you are 5 minutes away for a party
now your husband thought it is also ok to leave them both sleeping from 10pm-midnight for a drink…

also when he asked you/told you about the drink- why you said jokingly or laughing- you knew he has done this before with you and you didn’t like that- why didn’t you tell him seriously not even to think about it and if he thinks that is more important then F off and I will take care of the kids and not go for a friends meet up drinks etc.

OP likely won't be back.

It sounds like you both have a drinking problem if you can't stand not drinking long enough to supervise your children properly.

This is so true. I got locked out and the locksmith said the same. A “safe” area is probably an attractive target because people may be assumed to have more and be more relaxed because they feel their neighbourhood is safe.

Of course he shouldn't be leaving them... but it sounds like you already did together so he clearly thought it was okay.

They are way to young to be left along, even in the day.

but I can’t say anything much that others haven’t already said.

but I just wanted to add, having a conversation recently with my now 30/26/24 year olds who asked if I remembered going shopping for an hour or so and leaving the eldest then 14 home alone whilst we went out for an hour. Apparently he was upstairs playing PlayStation with his head phones on. I sent one child up to ask if he wanted to come with and I was told no, so five minutes later I called up to say we were off, and left. Apparently he took his headphones off and thought house quiet. Went walk about , empty. He said that was the longest hour of his life, it was late afternoon and coming dark. He had thought child 2 was asking for a go on the game he said no go away as only siblings can 🙄.

point I’m getting at, it doesn’t matter how old a child is, being home alone can be scary.

Some people shouldn't be allowed to be responsible for children at all. Selfish people.

How can you be angry with him when you both left the DC alone fairly recently?

Realising your 8 & 11 yo were too young to be left for 2. 5 AFTER is ridiculous. They shouldn’t have been left at all. I would say you can’t be angry with him for doing the same thing you both done once before but I think it’s more out of guilt than anger. Even to spend an hour at the shops is too much for children of that age. Anything could have happened in the first 2 minutes, let alone hours.

Wow. My youngest is 11 and we have just started leaving her for short spells (e.g. 20 minutes) in broad daylight! At night? And responsible for an 8 year old?! Absolutely not!
And just to reiterate, it's not JUST is that kid old enough to be alone, it's is that kid old enough to also take responsibility for their younger sibling. We're careful enough leaving the 11yo with the almost 16yo on rare occasions!

He's utterly irresponsible, but he's taking his lead from that previous occasion. But given he was also going drinking, arguably he's worse this time!

@Loubelle70Sorry OP. Ive got to unfollow thread. Its giving me panic attack!!!. What if those kids woke up... frightened no one was in?

That's just given me a memory flashback - my Mum and Dad had gone next door but I didn't know that, I just woke up and they weren't there
They can't have been gone long at all (probably minutes just felt longer!) but the feeling when you wake up and they're gone I can still remember about 40 years later!
Can't imagine if they'd actually gone "out" out for drinks, must be so much worse

and once went out together to a birthday nearby from 8-10.30pm (we couldn’t get a babysitter and gave them a phone to call us if they needed to

You’re both irresponsible parents, incapable of making appropriate choices about your children’s safety. I hope they have a responsible adult in their lives looking out for them. If you can’t get a babysitter, you don’t go out.

I can imagine setting it up as they did before, and deciding it wasn't a good idea. Not exactly a situation to clutch your pearls at! I can't imagine not preparing them before leaving though, or letting anyone at all know!

I'd have been raging if it was my DH that did that.
You had a night out, all planned and he pissed off out when looking after his children because just mate asked him out for a drink.
No.
You wait until your night out!
Too young to be left alone.
You have no leg to stand on though, sorry - you've both gone out before for the night leaving them alone?!
You sound just the same. No wonder he thought you were OK with it!
Also all well and good "leaving a phone number" but at 8 and 11?!
Far too much responsibility for an 11 year old if an emergency occurred.