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Original poster

Husband left kids alone at home

509 replies

OhDamnYourEyes · 25/11/2023 00:32

I just came back home after a night out with friends, which was arranged a week ago. Husband was going to be home with the kids (8 & 11), put them to bed etc.

Yesterday he asked what time I was likely to be back, as a friend had asked him to go out for a drink. I said that I wasn’t sure, but not until fairly late. As a joke I said ‘you won’t just go out and leave them, will you’ and he laughted and said ‘of course not’.

Fast forward to tonight, I come home at 23:45, kids asleep, he’s not here. When I call him, he’s at his friends house (ca. 15 mins away) for a drink.

We had recently discussed starting to leave them home alone for short periods every now and then, and once went out together to a birthday nearby from 8-10.30pm (we couldn’t get a babysitter and gave them a phone to call us if they needed to). I did however say that I feel they are actually a bit to young for this, and that while I think it’s ok to go to the shops for an hour in the daytime and leave them, I don’t feel comfortable doing so at night.

I had a massive go at him over the phone, told him that he’s irresponsible and that I don’t want to see him. What would you do?

OP posts:
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7
Timeforallthecheese · 25/11/2023 07:25

I doubt the OP will be back. Hopefully having a conversation with her DH about never doing this again while the children are so young.

Pipsquiggle · 25/11/2023 07:23

I have DC the same age.

I do leave DC1 by himself, he gets himself to and from school and is pretty mature. I don't leave him alone late at night

I wouldn't leave DC2 by himself or with DC1.

I do think within the next 18 months we will be able to leave them though

Jennybeans401 · 25/11/2023 07:20

This 1970s parenting. We were left alone either in a car or at home from 7 or 8. It wasn't frowned upon then. These days it's not seen as safe which I agree with. Things have changed. Anything could go wrong and the children are too young to know what to do if that happens.

Dontjudgeme101 · 25/11/2023 07:16

Notimeforaname · 25/11/2023 00:35

You're both unreasonable. 8 and 11 is way to young to be leaving alone while you drink or go to parties ffs.

This 100% and going to the shops too in my opinion.

Channellingsophistication · 25/11/2023 07:14

Really irresponsible parenting - anything could’ve happened. I hope you won’t do it again.

lemmein · 25/11/2023 07:12

If either of your children mention this in school you're both fucked!

oldfatandreadyforarevamp · 25/11/2023 07:06

I'm easy going as a parent but I wouldn't have done this. On what planet did either of you think this was ok?

Abouttimemum · 25/11/2023 07:04

I can’t get my head around people putting alcohol before their kids, and I’d be furious if my husband did this. What if they woke up and panicked? Poor things.

Dorisbonson · 25/11/2023 07:01

Ridiculous criticism. You don't know the children or the maturity of them. Many 11 year olds travel across cities to get school in mornings and evenings in the dark and effectively alone. Some of them have the same mental maturity that a much older child may have and also the physical size of a larger child (not that the latter should make a big difference). The reality is that this decision should depend on the children in question.

Scarydinosaurs · 25/11/2023 06:56

Does he have a drinking problem?

I would be furious.

Viviennemary · 25/11/2023 06:56

You left them home alone before. Why is this any different. You are both guilty of gross negligence.

Iwanttogetthisbastard · 25/11/2023 06:56

Just read some of the replies to your post OP and oh my god! Judging by the replies you left 2 breastfed babies at home! I don't know what happened in the last 20 years but when I was 8, I don't think my parents even knew where I was during the day. And believe me I was safe and grew up a very independent strong woman. And have a great relationship with my parents. Your kids were probably super excited to be left alone in the house!

AngelAurora · 25/11/2023 06:38

Notimeforaname · 25/11/2023 00:35

You're both unreasonable. 8 and 11 is way to young to be leaving alone while you drink or go to parties ffs.

She is entitled to a night out when she thought her husband was at home with the kids. Idiot

RememberToSmile1980 · 25/11/2023 06:37

Too many people going for the OP and being outrageously out of order! You have accepted you shouldn't have left them at home as they were too young. I agree he shouldn't have left them and gone out without telling you. It's time to sit down and discuss what to do moving forward.

Ramalangadingdong · 25/11/2023 06:37

MyopicBunny · 25/11/2023 05:23

Because they agreed they wouldn't do it again!

People make mistakes. This was a big mistake but the OP knows that. FWIW I'd never leave kids this young. I don't think I'd even leave my 14 year old.

The OP says they had an agreement not to ever do it again and her dh broke it. It's hard to know what to do now.

I'm pretty sure there are agencies that you can hire qualified nannies from at a reasonable cost. I used to do this. They are DBS checked etc.

Show quote history

The way I read it op didn’t really want to leave them alone the first time but went along with it. This confirmed for her that they shoukdn’t do it again and she voiced that to dh and thought they’d agreed not to do it - hence the joke she me made.

PuttingDownRoots · 25/11/2023 06:36

Your 8yo is too young to be left alone
Your 11yo is too young to be in charge.

Your partner has messed up massively.

Traceyislivid · 25/11/2023 06:29

YABU for this:

‘and that while I think it’s ok to go to the shops for an hour in the daytime and leave them
And
We had recently discussed starting to leave them home alone for short periods every now and then, and once went out together to a birthday nearby from 8-10.30pm (we couldn’t get a babysitter and gave them a phone to call us if they needed to).’

Zonder · 25/11/2023 06:21

gnarlynarwhal · 25/11/2023 06:05

She still did it though

Show quote history

FFS!

Op and DH did it once with stuff in place in case of emergency, then agreed it was a mistake and they wouldn't do it again.

This time OP left kids in the care of their dad and even double checked he wasn't going to go out and leave them.

It's really not her fault this time but some MN'ers will always want to kick another mum when she's down.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 25/11/2023 06:06

allhailthebrain · 25/11/2023 02:02

Wow. My youngest is 11 and we have just started leaving her for short spells (e.g. 20 minutes) in broad daylight! At night? And responsible for an 8 year old?! Absolutely not!
And just to reiterate, it's not JUST is that kid old enough to be alone, it's is that kid old enough to also take responsibility for their younger sibling. We're careful enough leaving the 11yo with the almost 16yo on rare occasions!

He's utterly irresponsible, but he's taking his lead from that previous occasion. But given he was also going drinking, arguably he's worse this time!

Surely 16 is a very common age to babysit children much younger than 11.

gnarlynarwhal · 25/11/2023 06:05

Pumpkinspicelattetime · 25/11/2023 00:44

Oh ffs people - the OP knows they were a bit too young previously, that's why she said she wouldn't be comfortable leaving them again after that one time. She doesn't need you all having a massive go at her, she learnt her lesson the first time and expected her husband to as well. Instead, he chose to lie to her and leave the kids alone.

She still did it though

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 25/11/2023 06:02

I am surprised by the responses. My children are much younger but when I was younger this was the age that children started to be left alone from.

i don’t think leaving them alone one they are already asleep without their knowledge is acceptable though.

ArsonFire · 25/11/2023 05:40

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MaisyAndTallulah · 25/11/2023 05:37

Seriously, you are both horribly self-absorbed and reckless.

MyopicBunny · 25/11/2023 05:23

Nofilteritwonthelp · 25/11/2023 01:07

I think that's too young, but don't understand why you had a go at him when you've done it yourself

Because they agreed they wouldn't do it again!

People make mistakes. This was a big mistake but the OP knows that. FWIW I'd never leave kids this young. I don't think I'd even leave my 14 year old.

The OP says they had an agreement not to ever do it again and her dh broke it. It's hard to know what to do now.

I'm pretty sure there are agencies that you can hire qualified nannies from at a reasonable cost. I used to do this. They are DBS checked etc.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/11/2023 05:09

The NSPCC recommend not leaving kids in the evening until they are 13. That’s not 13 for and 10 btw. That’s 13 for your youngest and not until 16 for overnight. Obviously you’d make a judgment call on this, perhaps 15 and 12 would be ok when out for a few hours in the evening. As for overnight, your eldest would be 18 and youngest 15, so overnight would also be fine as long as the 18 year old is ok to babysit.