Husband left kids alone at home

But you left them alone on the earlier occasion. No matter what you said about having second thoughts about it, he’s interpreted it as being ok. You should never leave kids that age alone at night. I’d have only left an 11 year old very briefly during the day and he knows our neighbours very well. I didn’t let ours come home from school to an empty house until they were 12. And they weren’t looking after a younger sibling.

Both of your behaviour is unacceptable in all honesty as you have also left them before despite being wary about it. They are too young to be left alone end of.

Why are some people suggesting 14 and 15 year olds can't be home alone for an hour?

God “I was home alone from 7” yeah that’s not acceptable either 🙄

I don’t think that is remotely comparable to OP’s actions.

I was fairly relaxed as a parent but while I'd leave an 11-year-old home during the day for a short while I would not leave them with an 8-year-old at any time.

I can’t vote.

I was going to say he’s BU and negligent… but he left them for less time than you did, so you’re both BU.

I think you both need to agree that they’re too young to be left alone.

Going to the corner shop for 10mins is one thing but leaving them to get pissed at a friends house for a couple of hours at night is completely irresponsible.

Draw a line in this one and both do better in the future.

Too much hate for the OP here. She tried leaving the children once in a controlled, relatively safe way, realised it felt too soon and decided not to do it again and said so to husband. Not unreasonable, just slightly too young (had they been say 12 and 10 that scenario would have been ok imo, does depend on the maturity of the children of course).

The husband then leaving them alone late at night knowing the OP was out and probably been drinking, drinking himself, children didn't know he was out - no control over how long they were left alone for - no means of checking them - completely irresponsible and neglectful - I would be furious and upset.

I've got kids similar ages (little older). What I don't understand is that you just left them for a few hours. Mine get left together for a max of 20 possibly 30 min and it's something you build up. Certainly not just go out for the evening and leave them for several hours. Bonkers

I would go fucking mental.

Obviously you have lost the moral high ground by leaving them yourself…

I was babysitting at 11. The children are fine but your DH needs a kick in the backside for acting like a brat, he knew you were going out a week ago but by asking what time you were coming home at yesterday was his way of trying to get you home early and because you didn't come home to let him go out he has left them anyway because he is scared of missing out. Stop leaving the children.

you can't call him out, becaes you are complicit. leaving an 8 and 11 year old is a safeguarding issue for good reason. Talk it through again with him and make a commitment to the safety of your children above your own desires.

@Singleandproud That is very true, i’d never leave them at night, it must be frightening if they wake up alone in the dark.

‘There's no way this is real. You can't shout at him for leaving them this time when you both did a few months ago... reeks of double standards. It's ok for you to do together but not him?’

I feel like I am reading a different thread to you and others. Both parents made a shitty decision first time. But OP learnt from it and not the husband. Last night’s issues are on the man, not the OP. She can shout because he repeated the dangerous decision.

At 11 I was left in the evening to look after my 2 younger siblings. This is not OK. It is one of the reasons I don’t spend much time with my elderly mother.

I blame the husband.

both parents made a stupid decision first time leaving the kids for the birthday party. It sounds like OP has learnt from that and wanted the husband to be there last night.

She went out this time knowing he would be at home with the kids. He then let her down and did something extremely dangerous by sneaking out without telling the children. I’m really quite shocked by his actions.

I could not forgive this. Considering all the what ifs, you are very lucky that your children remained safe and unaware of the danger they were in or how terrible a father your DH is

I’m also stunned that you thought this was ok. Is your husband trying to say this is ok? It’s not.

Leaving an 8 year old and 11 year old in the evening while you go to a party 5 mins away is child neglect.

if you were ok at the time to do this, it’s no wonder your husband carried it on.

YANBU to be upset with your husband but YABU to have done it yourself.

You say your husband didn’t even tell them he was going, what if one of them was sick and got up, and found the house empty; what if there was a fire, a break in? This thread makes me so sad. Prioritising going out drinking over your kids :(

Is your last name McCann? You were only 5 mins away for the birthday party... well they were only 5 mins away for tapas.

There's no way this is real. You can't shout at him for leaving them this time when you both did a few months ago... reeks of double standards. It's ok for you to do together but not him?

They're too young to be left at night. I say this as a relaxed parent to a 12 year old that we have never left to go for a fucking drink. Even in the day.

Things have changed over time. In the 70s my very cautious grandma used to let me and my sister stay home while she went to church, or we’d go to a big playground alone (crossing numerous roads on the way) from around me being 8 and my sister being 5! With our parents we were left alone/out alone a lot more than that! In the early 90s with my own DC I’d sometimes go to a neighbours for coffee, they could just shout out the window if they needed me and I’d hear them. They were both primary age. Although I never left them at night. And I certainly would have never left while they were asleep. Nowadays it seems to be more or less a blanket no to leaving any child of that age.

I’m not going to have a go at OP about the party. She knows more of the specifics than us and she clearly does feel bad about that. But to leave DC sleeping with no idea about where their parents are is extremely neglectful. My parents were pretty awful and very lax and even they only left me once in the night and that was because they had to rush my sister to hospital (she nearly died). In hindsight they should have woken me and taken me too but they were in a panic. To just leave the DC and go for a drink. That’s awful.

Thank god your DC are ok OP. This could have had a horrific ending. Honestly he wouldn’t be getting the chance to do that again if it was me.

I’m honestly surprised at all the posts saying how irresponsible it is to leave and 8yo and 11yo in the circumstances OP had done earlier.
I used to spend afternoons alone at home from 7 and this was totally normal. Nighttime may be different, but I don’t see a major issue with what OP did when she was at the party 5 mins away.
My own kids are much younger still so difficult to know how I’ll feel when they are 8 and 11.
Anyhow it seems to me people are overreacting calling OP irresponsible and whatnot.

Some ridiculoys responses on here.There is ptetty much no childcare availabke for y7s who are 11.So society obviously thinks they are okay to be keft at home all day in school holidays.I agree nights are a bit different

your poor kids.
both of you are appalling and utterly irresponsible.