Husband left kids alone at home

But she also says that “we have agreed to be leaving them alone for a short time at a time” and also, “I asked him as a joke that you are not going to leave them, right?”
so,
1- husband is utterly irresponsible and shmuck but he could think oh it’s ok to leave them alone for 2 hours while I go in a piss because that’s we’ve agreed on
2- when I told her that my friend is inviting me for drinks, her response was casual question so when DC are asleep, I’ll be a twat and just leave them while sleeping.

he is selfish, irresponsible and I would want to break his teeth but I suspect this will happen again and again as for them partying and drinking is much more important than their kids safety!

!? You can’t be making a a serious comparison. That’s just offensive.

Madeleine McCann was THREE and left alone, sleeping, in an unlocked room. I wouldn’t go to sleep in an unlocked house, and I’m 35!

Totally different to leaving an 8 and 11 year old, awake, with a phone in a LOCKED house.

The age of the kids and whether that's OK is a separate issue. Because I think many people would leave kids that age alone at home for a few hours.
The main issue here is that there are two parents and one did it without permission or properly discussing it with the other. Which is terrible.
Leaving the kids home alone for the first time is a big decision which should be decided on in advance together.

I think that’s fine tbh..

@MaisyAndTallulah

Now how did you make the leap to a 14yo having no life skills?

I'm not intending to be mean but that post was ridiculous, and that poster should know that getting a babysitter for a fourteen year old is not the norm!

A fourteen year old with appropriate life skills should be able to be left at home without a babysitter, I really don't think that is "a leap"

If the fourteen year old had ND or other needs that make her atypical of her age, then poster shouldn't be using her as an example of what age it's ok to leave children home alone

Too young the older one might be ok in a year or two. But shouldn't be responsible for the younger child.

Of course going out drinking is OK and I'm surprised you waited till they were so old to do so.

The lessons from Madeleine McCann never seem to be learnt...

What are people's thoughts on leaving a 10 and 12 (13 in Jan) alone for a couple of hours in the evening, say 8pm till 10pm?

I don’t think the OP has lost the moral high ground at all - I think her husband has been keen on doing it convinced her too (with strict parameters set) and she realised it was not the right time to do so and has said so.

then her husband without consulting her or the children did it anyway

Now how did you make the leap to a 14yo having no life skills?

Do you think before you post or does your eagerness to be mean curtail your posting ability?

You are both irresponsible
Your DH outright lied and went behind your back
Do neither of you consider your DC?

Sorry, mine are 14 and 11.

Same here, my DDs are 14 and 11. However, DD1 is ND, so we’re obviously more cautious than we would be if she were NT.

I'm not surprised he thought it was okay because you've both already done it.

11 and 8 is way too young for that.

.

I find this quite surprising tbh. Most 14 year olds I know earn money FROM babysitting! I mean a typical 14 year old round here will walk to the shops, do a food shop, get the train to London for the day, walk to the cinema and back.. I couldn’t imagine not allowing them to be alone in the house!

YABU to leave them at all at those ages without a babysitter. Mine are 14 & 12 and won’t leave them at night without a sitter yet

You can't be be serious?! A sitter for a fourteen year old? My fourteen year old babysits other kids! Does your fourteen year old have any life skills or independence at all?

YABU to leave them at all at those ages without a babysitter. Mine are 14 & 12 and won’t leave them at night without a sitter yet.

Exactly this.

It isn't about what's "fair".

As a parent you have an obligation to put your children first, however "inconvenient" it may seem.

Be bloody glad you got away with it this time and didn't get home to a fire and dead children.

what age do people think it’s okay to leave dc alone? Everyone I know pretty much leaves their 11 yo home alone regularly during the day. At what time of
night does it become not acceptable to leave them alone? Or is it the prescence of the 8yo that’s worrying? Would it be okay to leave just the 11year old from 830 to 10pm?

I agree totally with @Canthave2manycats too.

I think it’s ridiculous to suggest that someone has a drink problem because they left their kids alone. You do know that alcohol is freely available for sale in shops? I agree that 8 & 11 are too young to be left alone but it used to be the norm when I was a kid a hundred years ago. I had a friend who left her 7/month old baby home alone because she was a ‘good sleeper’ !! That was in the late seventies. So while I think it’s not good to leave the kids alone it’s less shocking to me although I wouldn’t do it myself. My grandchildren are 10 and almost 12 but they come to me if their parents go out. They’re never left alone.

This. Way, way too young to be left at night. Your dh was selfish.

I think you lost the moral high ground as you did it before
so it was as ok to leave them when it suits you but not when it only suits DH

I can see what logic he applied to presume it would be ok (as in you were ok with it previously)

you both need to agree not to do it again

I utterly despair sometimes.

Why on earth do people have children if they think they can carry on their party lifestyle as if they hadn't?

If the party was only 5 mins away, you could have tag-teamed. Parent 1 goes for an hour, comes home, parent 2 then goes etc. Admittedly it's annoying, but those are the sacrifices you make as a parent.

Your DH was completely out of order last night, outrageously so, but you're living in a very large glass house OP and are in no position to throw stones.

You both need to go on a parenting course and for gods sake, stop leaving your kids home alone!!