Husband left kids alone at home

OhDamnYourEyes · 2023-11-25T00:32:59+00:00

I just came back home after a night out with friends, which was arranged a week ago. Husband was going to be home with the kids (8 & 11), put them to bed etc. Yesterday he asked what time I was likely to be back, as a friend had asked him to go out for a drink. I said that I wasn’t sure, but not until fairly late. As a joke I said ‘you won’t just go out and leave them, will you’ and he laughted and said ‘of course not’. Fast forward to tonight, I come home at 23:45, kids asleep, he’s not here. When I call him, he’s at his friends house (ca. 15 mins away) for a drink. We had recently discussed starting to leave them home alone for short periods every now and then, and once went out together to a birthday nearby from 8-10.30pm (we couldn’t get a babysitter and gave them a phone to call us if they needed to). I did however say that I feel they are actually a bit to young for this, and that while I think it’s ok to go to the shops for an hour in the daytime and leave them, I don’t feel comfortable doing so at night. I had a massive go at him over the phone, told him that he’s irresponsible and that I don’t want to see him. What would you do?

Meepspeeps · 10/03/2025 12:44

I know this is an old thread but to put an 11 year old in charge of n 8 year old is unfair. Your children should always come first. No babysitter, then don't go out, simple.

G5000 · 11/12/2023 13:19

Just wondering about the risk assesment here. If I post that I'm going to shopping centre with my 8 and 11to kids, would people also reply "Think about James Bulger!" No? How's that different than posting "McCann" on this thread?

Bandofbrothers · 11/12/2023 08:42

You only have to read the news about the house fire in Sutton where 4 little boys died - their mother had gone to the shop after she’d put them to bed. Tragedy can happen in minutes.

Jomasell · 08/12/2023 10:23

Plus although theres not a legal age, you can still be done for leaving a child. 8 is far too young and if something went wrong social svcs would decend in 2 minutes.

Jomasell · 08/12/2023 10:21

A distance that took 30 seconds to get back to the child. They went back to check on her and she was gone. A risk is a risk and this is a huge one with your most precious....i was going to say possession but thats the wrong word

Behindyouiam · 07/12/2023 20:11

Agreed @AvengedQuince

Behindyouiam · 07/12/2023 20:11

Sazzie12153007 · 04/12/2023 20:32

I have mixed opinions on this one! I have an 11 and 8 year old and have to leave them every so often on their own due to having to go to work yo provide for them... I am a single parent with no support whatsoever off dad. My friend directly opposite my house is always on hand in case of emergency and they both have phones to call if needed. I check on them several times during the day via call or get a family member to check on them in person if they are able to.

However, I would never dream of leaving them alone at night or while I went out drinking or even round to a friend's for a brew at night no way.

I only leave them as I have to work which I hate doing hence why I'm looking for another job.

Also I have spoken to people in authority about the legal age to leave a child alone and they said there isn't a legal age anymore it is the parents best judgement if it's not for too long and the child is responsible enough to do this

Edited

I get this morally, you feel better if they've been left as you're working. But really the risks are the same if you're working or socialising.

Danger won't hold back because you're not socialising.

AvengedQuince · 07/12/2023 20:10

Behindyouiam · 07/12/2023 20:08

What's the relevance?

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Irrelevant to me. The child was three. These are older children.

Behindyouiam · 07/12/2023 20:09

CascaandZoe · 05/12/2023 22:41

Sorry, I don't believe children under the age of 12 should be left alone under any circumstances. They don't have the maturity yet to respond properly in the event of an emergency. I would be very uncomfortable doing this, and in Canada where I lived for a while it is actually illegal to do so.

I believe OP is uk based

Behindyouiam · 07/12/2023 20:08

SALWARP2023 · 05/12/2023 23:09

Maddie McCann.

What's the relevance?

AvengedQuince · 07/12/2023 19:36

CascaandZoe · 05/12/2023 22:41

Sorry, I don't believe children under the age of 12 should be left alone under any circumstances. They don't have the maturity yet to respond properly in the event of an emergency. I would be very uncomfortable doing this, and in Canada where I lived for a while it is actually illegal to do so.

So a parent needs to quit work until their year 7 child turns 12? No wrap around care in secondary school.

Rosscameasdoody · 07/12/2023 19:36

TooShortToReachThatShelf · 04/12/2023 20:33

Well said

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And social services would abide by the law which says that there is no minimum age for a child to be left alone. What matters is if the parent puts them in danger by doing so.

Rosscameasdoody · 07/12/2023 19:35

AvengedQuince · 07/12/2023 19:34

Was 3, not 8 or 11.

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Look back over the thread to see how many times that’s been brought up. Not the same circumstances at all - different country and left alone in an unlocked room. She was three.

AvengedQuince · 07/12/2023 19:34

SALWARP2023 · 05/12/2023 23:09

Maddie McCann.

Was 3, not 8 or 11.

SALWARP2023 · 05/12/2023 23:09

Maddie McCann.

CascaandZoe · 05/12/2023 22:41

Sorry, I don't believe children under the age of 12 should be left alone under any circumstances. They don't have the maturity yet to respond properly in the event of an emergency. I would be very uncomfortable doing this, and in Canada where I lived for a while it is actually illegal to do so.

Beezknees · 04/12/2023 21:50

Chlo6 · 04/12/2023 09:36

Never allowed to play out ? I'm glad my childhood wasn't in today's society, children grow up and don't know how to be adults now

I don't live in the kind of area where kids can "play out" so no, he never did. He's 15 now and perfectly independent for his age.

TomorrowNeverWants · 04/12/2023 21:04

It is not unreasonable at all for one parent to go out if the other parent is happy to stay and look after the kids.

TooShortToReachThatShelf · 04/12/2023 20:33

Canthave2manycats · 25/11/2023 00:37

They are far far too young to be left alone, and you are just as bad as he is if you left them alone to go to a birthday party!!! WTAF is wrong with the both of you???!

What would they do if you had burglars? How would they react if the house went on fire?

You are both utterly irresponsible and if I knew your identity, I would report you to social services!

Well said

Sazzie12153007 · 04/12/2023 20:32

I have mixed opinions on this one! I have an 11 and 8 year old and have to leave them every so often on their own due to having to go to work yo provide for them... I am a single parent with no support whatsoever off dad. My friend directly opposite my house is always on hand in case of emergency and they both have phones to call if needed. I check on them several times during the day via call or get a family member to check on them in person if they are able to.

However, I would never dream of leaving them alone at night or while I went out drinking or even round to a friend's for a brew at night no way.

I only leave them as I have to work which I hate doing hence why I'm looking for another job.

Also I have spoken to people in authority about the legal age to leave a child alone and they said there isn't a legal age anymore it is the parents best judgement if it's not for too long and the child is responsible enough to do this

K8monsta · 04/12/2023 19:39

Question his drinking.

eastegg · 04/12/2023 18:55

Joanneg211 · 04/12/2023 07:52

Thought I would comment on this as I feel you are getting a bit of a battering here, and people don't know a single thing about you... So let's look at this rationally, there is no legal age limit for babysitting , it's at the discression of the parents, you know your children and how mature they are. So let people report you to social services, they won't do anything as you haven't actually done anything wrong in the eyes of the law. My eldest was more like a 30yr old woman by the time she was about 8, but my youngest totally different. Let's also think about at 10yrs old you are trusted to walk to school and back on your own....so all of these people here battering you have never let their child walk to school!!! Well that's either BS or exceptionally sad... Then People who go to work, there 10yr old will then be in the house on there own , at 11yrs old your in the first year of high school ... So let's leave that their . People are 100% missing the point here , you hadn't agreed to it, so I think a stern word to your OH is what's required here, no harm came to the children so discuss it, come up with a plan for next time and move on. Don't give yourself a hard time it's happened, they were safe. Life is tough enough as it is. Xx

The 11 year old wasn’t left to ‘babysit’. They were left at night with no warning they were going to be left. That’s not babysitting.

And it’s not just at the discretion of the parents. At some point it is just too young and if something happens the parents would get in serious trouble.

Jennaxoxox · 04/12/2023 13:41

I have 2 boys 12 and 15 I would never leave them alone together 😳😳 my 15 year old can be left for extended periods of time without a problem. But my 12 year old absolutely not. The most he gets is like an hour here and there. But how could you even consider leaving them both alone at that age at night 😵‍💫🤢. I live in a tiny little village with family across the road and I still would never have gone to a party and left them. You and your husband should be ashamed! As another commenter said social services prob should be called 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

AvengedQuince · 04/12/2023 10:26

1mabon · 04/12/2023 09:41

Just remember what happened to the McCann girl. Irresponsible, putting your own pleasure before the safety of your children, If I had known your address I would have reported you to the police and social services. What if the house had gone on fire, burglars etc. You should never leave young children alone ever, ever, ever.

The OP has two older children.

Universalsnail · 04/12/2023 10:23

They are far far too young. 11 year old could be left for a small while in the day sometimes but not I'm charge of the 8 year old. Absolutely not ok to leave them at night especially when sleeping. What if there was a house fire? Awful