Terrified of HIV, please help

I’m a little shocked that he chose to still have sex with you, even after you disclosed the herpes? And to suggest no condom? That’s bizarre, unless he is also sick?

Not bizarre at all, I have a close friend who was diagnosed with genital herpes in her late teens and she’s had no problems at all with dating and relationships over the years, as well as getting married and having kids. It has never been an issue.

I have oral herpes (cold sores), I’m very unlucky in that I can get frequent outbreaks and have needed to manage it with medication in certain periods of my life.I have always been open with partners about this and the importance of not kissing (or other contact) when I have a sore or can feel tingling/itching coming on. There is still a tiny risk of passing it on but nobody has rejected me because of it.

So many people have said on this thread now that herpes is often asymptotic, lots of people carry it without knowing. Condoms don't prevent transmission of herpes and herpes isn't included on the standard panel of STD tests. So a lot of people are putting themselves at risk of catching herpes when they have sex, even when they do wear a condom. Some of the people who are posting judgemental comments on this thread might have herpes without realising.

It's like people are just determined to post judgemental, uninformed comments for the sake of it.

It looks like somewhere he manipulated you,by not using condom.

He is at risk too if you had herpes and vice versa.

Condoms are not sold without reason.

Go off sex for 6 months and test three times or more with your GP.

Well most people with genital herpes in the UK are doing precisely nothing to prevent spreading it… because they’re not aware they have it.

Since OP is in the small minority of herpes carriers who are aware of their condition, she will be aware of when she is showing symptoms and has also said she was taking medication. The chances of her passing it on to this man are very tiny, even with no protection being used.

Most genital herpes is spread from those who are not aware they are carrying the virus, symptoms aren’t noticeable in most people and a ‘full STD’ screening from the NHS does not test for this. To be honest not many adults can really confidently say they absolutely don’t carry the virus, it’s extremely common and extremely undetected.

💔 oh, Dear! Holding you in light, OP.

I’m a little shocked that he chose to still have sex with you, even after you disclosed the herpes? And to suggest no condom? That’s bizarre, unless he is also sick?

Please know that you can live with that (Hiv) desease… it’s not a death sentence.

Great news you're negative :)

Oh, well that's OK then, as long as it's not life threatening (to the majority of people of course, sod the others), you go ahead and share the love.

How utterly irresponsible. No one should be knowingly spreading STDs. If you are having casual sex, bloody well wrap it up.

OP disclosed, and he still didn't want to use a condom, so that's on him.

Apologies

Happy to be corrected

@Pudmyboy well said!

Actually it does, it's part of the risk assessment for PEPSE.
And please, you and others, please stop stigmatising herpes, it's not a dangerous or life threatening condition unless you are immunocompromised in which case it joins the long list of things that are dangerous in that case.
See herpes virus association UK
https://herpes.org.uk/ for good advice on this

I used to be a dental nurse, and we were always taught that if you got a needlestick injury with an HIV infected needle, there was a 1 in 300 chance you would contract HIV.

It's not a very robust virus, and it's not that easy to catch. Try not to worry too much, and get the test. If you don't want to go to the GP, go to the SH24 website who send STD test kits to you through the post, including finger prick blood test kits for HIV.

If against the odds you were to contract HIV, it is extremely likely that it would not shorten your life as there are very good drugs available to control it now.

No more unprotected sex though. Think about yourself and your kid.

https://sh24.org.uk/sti-test-kits

Yes I saw that, and that he didn’t want to use a condom. But I think it is about responsibility. If someone got in your car and said they didn’t want to wear a seatbelt it is your responsibility ( legally as well) to say they have to, I am not having a dig btw , I am raising eyebrows at the irony.

@viques she had disclosed her herpes status, maybe you missed that bit.

She didn’t lie or omit anything or have sex without informing him.

So yes whilst she should have used a condom because it’s just the best option outside of a monogamous relationship, suggesting she absolutely has to use a condom because she has herpes, when she had fully disclosed her position to the other fully consenting adult, is just an underhand way for you to have a dig

I think it is a bit ironic that you have a condition which can be spread by sexual contact but didn’t insist on using condoms to protect him, but are now ina bit of a flap in case he has a transmittable condition too. I know you said he didn’t want to use a condom, but quite honestly, you should have insisted , both to protect your self, and to protect him. I hope your test comes back clear, and I also hope you take more care of yourself in future encounters of the sexual kind.

Glad to hear you are clear of the virus.

♥️♥️♥️♥️. Spot on!

Or never… since the vast majority of people who catch the genital herpes virus don’t actually realise they have it.

‘Full’ STD screening on the NHS also doesn’t include testing for it.

Since OP is aware, taking suppressant medication and aware of when she is/isn’t showing symptoms then she is a very low risk of passing it on even without protection. The people spreading it the most are those who are unaware they carry the virus and miss the signs that they are infectious.

Great news op xx

great news op

This...Condoms always -for everyone's protection.
Hopefully not HIV, but it's not the death sentence it was.

@ToughTitty I don't disagree that genital HSV2 infections involve more asymptomatic shedding and recurrences than genital HSV1. Just saying genital HSV2 isn't any "nastier" than oral HSV1 in terms of the above. Two thirds of HSV2 carriers are asymptomatic or have symptoms so minor that they go undiagnosed, whether that involves outbreaks on the actual genitals or elsewhere below the waist (all still considered genital HSV).

There are lots of distraught newly diagnosed people on the internet and I just think we should be careful with the language we use.

I'd be wary of some of the US HSV studies. Some of them are funded by/linked to big pharma companies selling aciclovir.

Anyway, OP, I hope you do manage to get to a GUM clinic, where you can get tested and get peace of mind by talking about your worries with the nurses and doctors there. All the best.

When your catastrophising, its not just the initial fear, your minds going to a horrible death, probably before children are grown.
The mind goes to strange places...and part of therapy, atleast that I've had, the objective was to picture what the thing was I was catastrophising about, but then work through the underlying fears, then it's not half as terrible when the fear reappears.

Sadly with health anxiety, even that negative test may not keep OPs mind convinced she's negative once and for all, but how easily treatable it is, maybe provide longer term comfort to her mind.

@Terrified12 We knew it OP. x

When you meet your future husband, shag him as much as you want after your wedding day.

PP's who went on about how treatable HIV is were unnecessary IMHO. That would still have made OP worry she had it, when in all likelihood she could've just had reassurance she was unlikely to have it.