Single parents getting a hard time on here!

@user243245346 agree 100%. This site often makes me despair at who is posting out there. Are they genuine people or armchair nutcases? We can date and not be terrible parents!

Chosen wrong person: my ex is as charming and well presented as you'd expect. Women have always been impressed with him. He just turned into a nutter when I was pregnant and I had to leave due to the mental abuse. Yet I'm labelled on here as having made a bad decision. I left because I didnt want my children to think this was normal behaviour in a relationship. It was one of the hardest things to do because I was terrified. But I made it out.

Dating : I'm dating someone serious but no plans to move in/have children ever but here I've been labelled a joke of a mum because im actually dating whereas apparently I should be single till they are 18! I wouldn't want my children to leave bad relationships and be single forever, id want them to have happiness too if they met someone and handled it well. We don't all move new partners in in 5min.

My children are super well adjusted and happy. I work hard and have a great corporate role which allows me to look after my children with no state support. We have our own house in central London and no debt whatsoever. I did all that alone. Exactly how many on mumsnet making these nasty comments about single parents can say that. And I'm lucky in my situation, how many desperate people out there can't leave because of financial issues yet they are slated on mumsnet.

My ex has made huge changes too so he gets on with them too. Had we stayed together, he'd have continued in this horrible, downward spiralling way and even he says i was right to get out at the time.

Honestly I always regret even asking advice on mumsnet because some people can be so cruel and nasty that I worry for my own mental health, then I have to remind myself that im actually doing a good job. Who on earth are these posters who think it's OK to post things like 'id be ashamed if I were you', or 'it's your kids i feel sorry for' or 'you disgust me as a parent' - wtf!!! We should be praising these women for having the courage to get out and not vilify them. The few single parents I know have left partners due to the men's addictions or cheating and these women have all of the above and some have kids with additional needs, who they parent amazingly alone. And date.

With respect, you put your child at risk everytime you leave them out of your sight. Many mothers, married or otherwise put their children at risk by staying or getting into toxic relationships.

If you are sensible enough and put your children first, you will know to act the moment your child is not happy or raise a concern, whether whatever happened at school, the sports changing room or in your very own house.

You call this a troll post. I call it absolutely spot on!

With respect, this all sounds like you're trying to convince/reassure yourself here, more than anyone else.

I'm not putting my child at risk just because I might be a bit past it once becomes an adult, thanks

Well yes So many people in here seem to think that dating someone means you move them in, have more kids with them etcetcetc

So if your husband fucks off with another woman and leaves the kids with you then YOU are the one that's not meant to have any dating life who heaven knows how many years. Even if you didn't cause the relationship to fail? Seriously?

I was with my husband for almost twenty years. We had to split due to spiralling behaviour. After two lots of marriage counselling I left for my children.

I raise my children, I put them first and I do all the mundane and hard parts of parenthood on my own.

The idea that people judge me as a flighty or irresponsible in someway is boggling to me.

I am a single parent and I have remained single by choice.

However, the tone of judgement in your post is awful.
If you haven’t done it you cannot know what it is like and how you would adapt.

I notice that you don’t wonder the same of the fathers?

This surely has to be a troll post?

I love this post.

Wanting macdonalds is a world away from wanting/not wanting an unrelated male forced in your home. I think you surely must know this!

Agreed agreed! 100% spot on!

An ex of a friend moved some random into her house. He coincidentally fell in love with mum while being borderline homeless, which is so often the case.

The DD has gone from a sunny, fun, sweet child who always wore flowery dresses and summer colours to a sad young woman who wears 'boys' clothes and hides herself away. I suspect I know what has happened and have spoken to dad and given him advice on what to do.

Mum is oblivious and treats her DD by turns as a confidant and an annoyance. THAT'S the thing not to do. There are a lot of unsafe men in the world and the easiest way to abuse a child is to live with the child's mum.

The problem with waiting until your kids are 18 is that by then you may be too old, too set on your ways and there would be far less prospects.

The problem of waiting a year to introduce the children is that if your partner ends out not getting along with the children, it will be more difficult to send him flying, especially if he is a very nice man in many other aspects.

New relationships are not always in detriment of your children, your kids may love having your new partner around and get along with step siblings like a house on fire. It is not unheard of. I have seen blended families working beautifully. Yes l, they may have the occasional problem as any “unblended” family would but in general do well, it doesn’t have to be misery all the time.

Yes i is see a lot of this. Especially "never married" single parents- a poster once told me I should have had an abortion. I'm a hard working professional who has never claimed benefits and does a reasonable job of child rearing

theconversation.com/the-cinderella-effect-are-stepfathers-dangerous-103707

This was my mother's take, when my father left her when I was 11, in the mid-eighties, and I am very grateful she took this stance. As is she - she says she has no regrets at all.

I didn't "fail" to make a go of the relationship that my children come from. He did. I tried everything. He still fucked off.

Yet I should have to be single forever? I, not forever, until my DC are grown? Should the same rule apply to their Dad?

I'm actually happily single at the moment. FWIW. But I shouldn't have to be.

Are you genuinely quibbling with those poster's very considerate, well thought out message? No of course it isn't all about what children 'want'. Mine 'want' to eat McDonald's every day.

That post advocated putting your children first, loving and caring for them.

Where's the evidence for '100x more likely', please? Because that's not what I get when I Google.

@Newsingle mumsnet can be an bunch of vipers. I'd say the key point is date but don't move anyone in. I don't even do overnights unless the weekend if I have childcare. But I choose this option. My problem is my partner wants more time but I haven't got that time free! I'd have been quite happy to date casually if honest.

My mother met my stepfather (who adopted me) when I was quite a small baby and they dated ( very regularly) for a year before she introduced him to me. No other father in the picture at all and they didn't live together until they married when I was 2.5, went on to have my siblings. Mum always said that she had to be certain before he was in my life permanently, both about him and that the relationship would last. This was the early 60s.

It was probably made easier than it would be for many single parents today because we were living with my grandparents (built in babysitters) and they met through work, so there was a fair bit of provenance, rather more than via an app.

I just think anyone dating with children needs to be very, very careful and take things slowly. The risk of a step parent being abusive is real, but a revolving door of adults who are highly significant one day and gone forever the next can be nothing other than damaging IMO.

As a lone parent I have never and would never, ever do any of this! I know many do though. It’s very sad.

I've been a 'nun' for 9 years now and don't intend to date until DD is 18 at the very least so I've got another 8/9 years.
Many reasons but the two biggest are that I'm a lone parent with the father no longer with us, so she's with me 7 days a week and have literally nobody to call on for overnight childcare. So I'd never be able to spend the night with anyone I dated. Also, my DD already has all the natural pitfalls of having a DM with a severe (and in many ways, restrictive to her) disability, so the last thing she needs is a potentially heartbroken mummy or a distracted mummy as well. She deserves all of me. She’s been through enough.

Even if I could date though, I absolutely wouldn’t introduce them for a minimum of a year, possibly two. Although I’m not sure a blended family would ever be for me, personally.

This.

If people fail to make a go of the relationship (or lack thereof) that produced the children, it's their duty to do without until the children are grown.

No one is forced to bear children. Doing so and then traumatizing them with the introduction, sometimes repeatedly, of strangers into their lives and homes is reprehensible. Especially when the single parent has a history of making poor choices.

No one is going to die from not dating.