To be so sad to find out I'm having another boy

Well TBF we’ve had MILLENNIA of that, but anyway it’s not a very helpful comment for the OP

OP, you can’t help how you feel, so don’t feel bad about it. When he arrives you will love him as he is - two boys can be a delightful combination, and whatever the fantasy in your head, you can be as close to a son as a daughter.

I am sure you’ll raise them brilliantly and your future DILs (or SILs) and grandchildren of either flavour will be very grateful.

I bet if you spoke to a lot of men who only had daughters you’d find quite a few of them who were very disappointed not to get a son.

I think it’s completely understandable for a dad to want a son and a mum to want a daughter.

Like I said, men feel disappointment about girls in exactly the same way as OP is feeling about having another boy, except this website is primarily for women to vent on so of course there will be a biased view that it’s “only boys” that nobody wants.

You can’t help how you feel, OP.

But these threads make me sad. They are usually about someone who is disappointed to be having a 2nd son then, in their attempts to make the OP feel better, turn to girl bashing! Hideous stereotypes all the way!

That’s not a realistic ideal though. It’s a bit like being disappointed if your husband is not Prince Charming and you don’t live in a castle.

Your relationship with your child will be unique and wonderful and there’s every chance that you’ll be just as close to a boy as you would to a girl. My brother certainly is much closer to my mum than I am; it’s a personality thing not a sex thing.

Gender disappointment is real and you can't help it however you are very lucky to have your sons so think positively.
My Nan had all boys then all granddaughters.

As someone who is TTC right now and having no luck. Yes you are being unreasonable.

My first was a boy and he wasn’t your stereotypical boy. He loved art and crafts, baking and was very sensitive. My 2nd was a girl and it took 6 years to have her so was happy anyway. She is not a stereotypical girl, she hates pink, loves gaming, D&D and now manga. When she was younger she loved power rangers, avengers, Star Wars and hated Disney princesses! She’s definitely been more challenging and didn’t sleep through for 3 and a half years.
I was so excited to have a girl and thought we could do girl things. She refused and all the lovely girly outfits were never worn. I asked her recently if she will come with me to see the Aladdin musical and she looked at me like I had lost my mind.
What I’m trying to say is that all children are so different and just because you expect something to be a certain way doesn’t mean it will be.
Congratulations on having another baby!

My friend had two boys and was so disappointed. She was incredibly jealous of people who had daughters to the point she was almost unable to socialise with them. She openly acknowledged her feelings but never really learned to overcome them sadly so she has continued to be bitter about the situation. So my advice OP is to grieve for what you cannot have but then to take steps to come to terms with your feelings, even if this involves counselling or therapy. You can’t just snap out of it; I understand that, but you can take action that will help you to be more positive.

In lot of cultures they are dissapointed if the baby is a girl, I think its just in the western were lot of women ( and men) prefer to have a girl.

I can understand your disappointment but believe me boys are way better than girls! Girls turn into teen nightmares and can make life hell in general

Oh give over with your misogynistic twaddle!

I have 2 adult children, and I'm closer to my son. My mum is closer to my brother than me. Mums and boys - it's a very strong bond.

I can relate a little bit to what you've said. I have a really close relationship with my mum and grandmother and always imagined I'd carry that on with a daughter. I didn't find out the gender of my baby and when a boy came out I was so shocked in a good way and just fell in love with him completely, and visions of a possible daughter were just gone and replaced by my boy. Couldn't imagine having a different child instead.

I actually think if you're desperate for a certain gender that not finding out the gender might be a good idea. Because you're more likely to be disappointed at a gender scan than at the actual birth of your child.

It's always boys. Never girls.

Oh I have 2 boys and maybe had hoped a tiny bit the second might be a daughter but DS2 is soooo amazing. Honestly. Can't imagine him being anyone else but him now, he's perfect for us.

These threads always descend into OP bashing and stereotypes about children.

In some ways I can sympathise but on the hand I say be thankful for the healthy baby you have coming. I miscarried a natural pregnancy this after years of infertility and IVF. I am still gutted. I have a boy. He is a lovely little boy.

Someone to become a friend and confidante in the way I don't think adult sons do

Oh they can, OP.

I can understand your disappointment but believe me boys are way better than girls! Girls turn into teen nightmares and can make life hell in general.

The great thing is you have managed to conceive naturally and you may well get your girl in the future!

It’s good that you are talking about your feelings, even if it’s only on here. Accept your feelings because you probably need to feel them and explore them before you move on.

If after a couple of months you are stuck in the same place maybe consider a short course of 6 weeks therapy so you have dealt with these feelings before your dd is born.

Of course it is! We all have our wants, our feelings and it's perfectly reasonable to want a daughter (or a son).

YANBU but only because society is sexist and its easy to buy into the stereotypes. The good thing is that it’s easy to challenge your thinking!

Anecdotally, my bro is much closer to my mum than I am. Like most of us, he’s quite stereotypically male in some of his interests and female in others (has never liked football or any sports) I’m not as close to my mum by a long shot and don’t phone home or visit as much. Likewise, my nephews are all obsessed with the Disney Princess Moana and couldnt care less about cars. It’s all stereotypes.

I often think it’s self fulfilling. Women who are most upset about having sons (and men who are most upset about having daughters) are more likely to buy into stereotypes themselves eg dress their boys in blue and buy them vehicles. The boys are then more likely to grow up to be ‘stereotypical’ and disappoint their parents!

I’d recommend ‘Sonshine magazine’ and the book ‘parenting beyond pink and blue’ to subvert this kind of limited thinking.

YANBU.

Gender disappointment is a very real and documented thing and no amount of guilt tripping by the perfect people committee is going to change that.

I wanted a girl too, however first time around I absolutely knew I was having a boy and I was right. I was disappointed. However I can assure you that once that baby is born any residual feelings fade entirely. In fact mine had by the time he was born. He is a wonderful lad (now a teen) always has been and I feel awful for ever wishing he was anything different.

My second I wasn't bothered about, turned out to be another boy and I was overjoyed.

My third I had a similar feeling to my first but instead I knew deep down she was a girl and she was.

In all honesty my girl is far far harder work than the boys 😂 we call her the girlwind, she is an absolute force of nature 🥴

Take your space. Sit with your feelings and honestly don't be too hard or put too much pressure on yourself. And don't let the awful people tell you you're not allowed to feel anything but joy. You won't love your child any less when he's here I promise you.

When I was pregnant with my second baby I really wanted it to be a girl as I already had a son. I knew it would be our last baby so I knew that if it was another boy then I would never know what it would be like to have a daughter.

When I was being scanned at 20 weeks and she told us it was another boy I was crushed. My husband was overjoyed and I just put on a big fake smile whilst trying to hide how disappointed I felt. I actually felt quite tearful.

It genuinely wasn’t that I didn’t want another boy, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with boys at all and I adored my son, but I felt very sad that I would never be a mother to a girl.

It took me about a week to let go of the sadness and once I had come to terms with the fact I was only going to be a mother to boys I completely embraced it and then the excitement set in.

I have a sister and we are extremely close as we shared our whole youth together due to being the same sex and so although I wasn’t going to get my daughter I was incredibly happy that my son was going to have a brother.

I always knew that having a girl would be for my benefit whereas having another boy would be a benefit for my son.

His birth was actually quite terrifying and he was born via emergency c/s as his heart rate was dropping and I was terrified he was going to die. I remember thinking then how little the sex actually meant and that being able to have another baby be alive and well was all that mattered.

Anyway, my boys absolutely adore each other. I can’t even explain how special it is to watch their sibling relationship develop….they are pretty much inseparable and I think a huge part of that is because they are the same sex.

They are both very, very loving towards me. They are total sweethearts and never stop kissing and cuddling me and telling me they love me. I have a very
special bond with them and it’s a very different kind of relationship to the one they have with their dad.

They are at an age now though where they are gravitating towards their dad more as they do “boys stuff” together but I push down “what if” feelings I have and I just feel so thankful that I have two amazing boys who I adore, and who have a very special relationship with each other.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling sad about not having a girl….just allow yourself to feel the grief and sadness and those emotions will fade and be replaced with excitement. It might just take a while to get your head around the idea that the reality you will be getting doesn’t match with the image you had in your mind.

Boys are truly wonderful OP, as you already know from having one, so try and focus on how amazing it will be to see your two little boys growing up together and forming a close relationship as not only brothers, but friends x