To be so sad to find out I'm having another boy

Even if you do one day get to have a daughter, there is no guarantee that your relationship will be as you imagine. You might still have to let go of that fantasy.

My dd is completely disinterested in most of the mummy daughter stuff that I envisioned. I love her exactly as she is but sometimes wish she would have let me brush and style her hair. But nope. The moment I brushed her hair she would get down on the floor and rub her head on the carpet to mess her hair back up. Mind you she was a toddler then. She would pull any hair clip or pretty bow or hair tie out within seconds. She’s a total wild child free spirit.

But even though I love her and am so proud of her, I still had to let go of my fantasy of what I thought my mother daughter relationship would be.

It’s just part of life. You never know what you’re going to get or what is around the corner. So just accept it and go with the flow.

Lol you dont ever lie to social workers when applying to adopt, so what would she say if they asked the reason for adopting? Because they were disappointed they had another boy? Adoption is about providing a child in care with a family. Not providing families with children.

You cant help how you feel, but it is shitty. It's a baby, you should want them for them not for what they provide you with. And anyway you could have a girl like mine who is the most tom boyist tom boy ever or one who wants to be a boy.

I was the same, give yourself some time the feelings fade. I’d still love a daughter but 2 children is enough, and my boys are enough.

Watching my 2 boys together gives me the best feeling. They’re 18 months apart at 4&6, and the closeness they’ve gained in the last year is just lovely.

I understand you completely
i always wanted a daughter as well
I just don’t talk about it to everyone
I feel like it’s just a unique relationship

3 boys here too. I would be lying if I didn't say I was hoping for a girl too. I'm very much a 'girly' girl, female-only friendships, etc. Oldest is 6. I have absolutely loved having boys. Yes they are loud as hell - but they have brought so much joy and laughter to me.

I'm also ashamed to say that a lot of the preconceived notions I had about boys were based on gender stereotypes and none of these are true for my children (boys being more sporty / energetic for one!!) - everyone is an individual please remember that. They have different personalities and different tastes, a lot depends on upbringing. My boys absolutely love me to pieces and they love nothing more than to chat to me, draw together, read a book together. It's the best.

I think it's important to remember that children are not meant to be a mini version of ourselves - having a child of the opposite gender opens you up to a whole new world. I'm sure you will have an incredible relationship with your two sons.

Hi OP. Mum of 4 boys here.
With my first, I would have liked a girl. 2nd, a girl so I’d have had one of each. After the 2nd I wanted only boys. They are so affectionate and really do give the best cuddles. One of my boys(10) loves to come shopping with me and have lunch somewhere nice. He’s so sweet.
Take a few days to ‘grieve’ the girl you were hoping for. But I promise you, boys are wonderful. Also(maybe strange) but I love being able to say ‘the boys’ instead of ‘the kids’

You can guarantee for many the opposite is true. I loved my mother dearly & it was definitely reciprocated although it was obvious her boys were the blue eyed children in the family. I was far far closer to my father as a child & adult, our personalities were the same, we just got each other, same sense of humour etc. Things don't always work out with children the way we imagine they will. Congratulations on your second boy & if it was me I wouldn't change a thing, one thing I must take after my dear mother.🤣

I.e. too gutless to stick around to hear how wrong and offensive you are.

@PremiumRaa You are so unreasonable!
Boys are great. I think they are far easier than girls.
You can raise good boys.

Hiding the thread now. xx

Yeah a mum with just boys will miss female company in her immediate family. Maybe that's another reason that women don't want all boys. Like I said, a mix is OK yeah, but not all boys. Some people say 'girls might like football and boys might like dolls, and so on,' but the fact is most boys will like stereotypical 'boys stuff,' and most girls will like 'girly stuff.' And most girls/daughters will be closer to their parents than boys/sons.

I may be biased because I have daughters, (2) and I have the most wonderful relationship with them (and so does DH) and they are wonderful caring young women. Intelligent, hard working, and successful, and they bring so much joy to our lives. I could never see myself with a son. Some friends/people I know who have sons and daughters, are fairly close to the sons/get on OK with them, but the relationship isn't the same as it is with the daughters. There's a special bond, and a closeness that never leaves.

Like that saying...

'A daughter is a daughter for all your life, a son is a son til he takes a wife...'

Sons are more likely to drift, and daughters are more likely to stay close.

I know some people will deny this - and come up with lots of anecdotes about how everyone they know is much closer to their son, but in real life, that's how it is for most. ^ Daughters are more likely to stay closer, and be there for their parents when they need them/to take care of them etc...

So as I said, I can kind of understand why some women don't want all boys.

I am done on this thread now. Emotions seem to be running high on here, people are taking things personally, (even though nothing is directly aimed at them, and it's a public message board where people are free to give their views and opinions,) and I have pretty much said all I want to say anyway.

All the best @PremiumRaa

I had a girl and then was disappointed when I had a boy as I could only imagine myself being mum to girls. My son is the sweetest, kindest 9 year old ever who loves his mum more than anything. We have a closer, easier relationship than my daughter and I.

Ahhh two brothers! You are sad but how lovely for your son 😃. Sometimes the best thing that ever happens to you is to not get what you want.

Your sons will be amazing. You will never unlove them.

You might still miss the female company so relish your female friends, their daughters, your nieces and mother. Do the girly things with them.
My cousin was like you, exactly, and now she has a wonderful relationship with her daughter-in-law and grand daughter and of course still adores her son.

My heart wants to string Cruella Braverman up on a lamppost and invite homeless people to chuck rotten tomatoes at her. Doesn't mean I'm being reasonable.

You know it's a complete lottery, don't you? You can't even guarantee that a daughter would want to fulfil all the expectations you have of her. Perhaps your boy will turn out to be trans, then you can go clothes shopping every weekend.

Your boy is only 2 years. His charm and wonder will only increase, you'll see. Boys, like all children, are what you raise them to be.

You can raise your sons to be everything you hoped for in a daughter - gentle, kind, nurturing, creative and sweet. Much of the differences we believe there are in boys and girls are just socialised. Yes, there are some unavoidable differences between girls and boys but not as many as people make out.

I don't recognise the any of the "boy" stereotypes in my son, then again I never believed them or wanted to conform to them. You can resist the nonsense - buy your son dolls, paint his nails, dress him in beautiful clothes, talk to him about his feelings, be calm and gentle with him. (And for heaven's sake teach him to tidy and cook!). There is literally nothing stopping you.

I have 5 boys. With my ds1 I wanted a girl so I could dress her up in frilly dresses but once I had him I realised that boy or girl doesn't guarantee anything at all. With all my others I didn't care if they were boys or girls, although with my youngest I wanted a boy because I didn't want people to think we were just keeping on trying until we have a girl. They are their own people with their own personality. You might have a stereotypical daughter who wants to do those things you want to do but you might not. When you have a baby it's the luck of the draw what kind you get. You just get the baby you are given.

Children of sons tend to be closer to their mother's family. (the daughter-in-law)

Oh and this is bollocks too in my friends and extended family.

So you complain about girl bashing (which I wholly disagree with posters doing) by responding with yet more stereotyping and boy bashing. If you are raising your daughters to “care more” than sons then maybe you’re just not a very good parent?

This is a lovely post.

People can’t help how they feel, but equally this isn’t a healthy way to feel. Perhaps look at some counselling if you do continue to feel this way.

I wanted a boy (1st pregnancy). I found out at 20 wks I was indeed having a boy and then found myself crying at all the girl baby clothes because I wasn’t having a girl- I would’ve been just as upset if it had been the other way around!

Pregnancy hormones can cause such strong and irrational emotions. You will be content when the baby is in your arms.

I agree. It's very rude. My 2 DDs are the most wonderful people. They were lovely kids, and are great young adults! Me and DH have had the best life with them. They're 2 of my best friends and they love me and their dad as much as we love them. There's nothing they won't do for us. And nothing we won't do for them.

This thread is fast turning into a girl-bashing thread. I knew that would happen.

FWIW I reckon some women don't want boys because they know they will turn into men, and some men are selfish and thoughtless and aren't arsed with their wife and kids half the time, OR their own parents. Girls/daughters are much more likely to care for the parents and be their friend and companion than boys/sons.

Sure SOME males will fit this bill, but daughters are more likely to care more - and be there more than sons.

And people will be closer to the children of their daughters too. Children of sons tend to be closer to their mother's family. (the daughter-in-law.) I would not like to have all boys to be honest. A mix would have been OK, but not all boys. The more I think about it, the more I can kind of get why some women do not want all boys.

I would have said that all-boys would be my least favourite option for the sexes of children.

But then I met the most cherished mother I've ever met. Her four young teenaged boys all adored her. They're now in their thirties and they still adore her, as do her four daughters in law.

I wish I'd been even half as kind to my mother when I was a teenage girl (to a lovely mother who was thrilled to have one of each)!

@theduchessofspork I simply find theses threads deeply insensitive. So why start one when you absolutely know it's going to hurt and upset people less fortunate, and for what is actually amazing news for the OP.