To be so sad to find out I'm having another boy

If it's any consolation, I'm the other way. I've left it a bit late to have kids now, but back when I was wavering, I always, always wanted a boy. To the point I would have considered sex selection.

I have and wanted two boys. I am low contact with my own mother. When I was pregnant I didn’t mind what I was having as long as they were healthy, but I remember the relief I had when I found out they were boys. I def could not have coped with females. My boys have both been daddy’s boys until something was wrong, then it’s always me they come to- a hug, shoulder to cry on, advice etc.

I find the pp’s comments about boys untrue. But she knows no different as she has girls 🤷‍♀️

OP when you hold your baby boy in your arms you realise that it doesn’t matter. There’s also nothing wrong with the hat you are experiencing now- I had friends who wanted girls only. I think it’s far more common than you think to have a preference.

I only wanted to have girls and when I had my second, I was disappointed to find out he was a boy. He was premature and very poorly and nearly died and I ended up needing counselling because I thought I had bought it on myself by wanting a girl.
Couldn't love him more, he's genuinely the light of my life and if I ever had another I would love another boy. I adore my daughter and love her to pieces but the preteen/teen years have been very very hard

I think some of the threads are actually a reverse because ops know theyd be eaten alive for not wanting girls on this platform and rightly so, so they lie and make it about boys. Its baby girls that get the most gender disappointment

I think most rational people would rightly be critical of anyone moaning that they're devastated to have a healthy baby that's the "wrong" sex.

Given the level of detail that most disappointment threads go into about all the things they wanted to do with their imaginary and fantasy daughter, I doubt the son disappointment is a reverse.

I sometimes wonder if the weird obsession some women have about having their perfect fantasy daughter is part of the reason some adult women have strained relationships with their mothers. It must be absolutely awful for daughters being expected to be their mummy's perfect little accessory, feeling obligated to do all the mummy-daughter things, have the right interests etc to play the part of mummy's perfect accessory.

The way some parents act you'd think their children are support humans for the parents

Of course feelings can be wrong.

Or should I just get my feelings off my chest: I hate women.

It’s normal to feel like this. I wanted a DD after 2 boys and joined a swaying group (natural methods to help get gender of your choice). Whether it works or not I was fortunate to have a daughter. 15yrs on I know think gender doesn’t really matter. Im close to my boys and enjoyed raising them, I also enjoyed buying pretty dresses etc. it will pass when baby is here

PP has it spot on, it's your "fantasy daughter", which I know none of us can persuade you from because I thought the same.

At the news of boys, I was upset, because I knew what my little girl would be like, no matter what anyone said.

And nothing will shake you from that. All we can all do, is repeat, your daughter would be whatever she wants. My DD, is the polar opposite to what I thought a girl would be. Everything I expected, and thought I'd have, is not at all what she is. I love her, but no more or less than my boys, but I wouldn't have known how wrong I was until I had her, and this is the problem, you don't have that insight.

I desperately wanted a girl. Beyond desperately. And can absolutely say now, I'd have been perfectly happy with 3 boys. Which would have been incomprehensible for me to say before I had her. But I can only say that now I do have her, which doesn't help you, because you're still in the incomprehensible stage.

Your son, will be wonderful, and he needs his mummy to know that x

Many schools correspondence refers to your "young person" now instead of son or daughter. Who wants a son or daughter these days - so last century!

I always wanted girls from a young age but have 2 boys and I wouldn't change them for the world. I won't be having anymore and I thought I would be sad but actually I am really happy my 2nd was another boy.

I think this is just your imagination tbh
You have a 'fantasy daughter' in your head; one you can be best friends with
In reality, none of us can be certain how our relationships with our kids will turn out to be, male or female.

I was at a soft play a few months ago and got chatting to a mum of three adorable boys. We ended up talking about this and she made her disappointment with having all boys quite clear, within earshot of her third son.

I wonder if the number of emotionally stunted, toxic men out there has anything to do having mothers who they know didn’t want them.

I can’t relate, sorry.

I’ve had six miscarriages. After three I had my precious boy. I was just so grateful to take home a healthy baby.

I wish I could have had one more. I’d have been elated with either sex but hoped for a boy, just because I adore my DS.

You feel how you feel though 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think some of the threads are actually a reverse because ops know theyd be eaten alive for not wanting girls on this platform and rightly so, so they lie and make it about boys. Its baby girls that get the most gender disappointment. 😡😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬🤬

@PremiumRaa Don’t listen to anyone trying to shame you or make negative, erroneous assumptions about you. They obviously have issues.

There is nothing wrong to feel the way you do. Feelings are neither good or bad. They are just feelings.

We all have a vision of our future, an idea of how we would like our life to go. It’s alright to feel sad if life isn’t quite what you envisioned. Those feelings will pass. And you might just be glad that life had other plans for you.

Nothing wrong with feeling sad to let go of an idea you were attached to. I don't think it's feeling dissapointment for a boy, but sad to lose the girl you imagined. Once you do, you'll feel as excited for you new baby boy. Boys are so loving, I'm super close to my two (I have 2 boys and one newborn girl).

I love them all to bits and I wouldn't change them for the world. I get sooo many cuddles, we watch films, we go to football together, we do face masks. And they love their dad just as much.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and all the emotions that come with it x

That’s very odd. I have 3 boys and have never had that. Why would people be so horrible, especially family!

I have 3 sons. Twin boys and a single but to be honest I admit I always wanted boys. I would have been upset to have had all girls…..sorry if that shocks people here.
I have two friends that felt the same as you. One has three sons, the last time she got pregnant they did so just in the hope they’d have a daughter.
The other friend has four sons with the last two pregnancies just to have a daughter. You’re really not alone in this and I’m sure if you talk to friends they will open up about how they feel.
On the huge plus side boys are amazing and two children of the same sex will entertain each other and are more likely to have similar interests
Don’t beat yourself up about this embrace what you will have

Well I just wanted to be a mum and didn't care if boy or girl and neither did hubby. Healthy and happy is our motto, We had 2 boys oldest now 13 and after an operation was told I probably couldn't have anymore so that's was fine we settled for the 2 boys. Then in 2020 I went for my routine health check, bloods etc and nearly fell off my chair when the nurse said erm did you know your pregnant...Anyway after the shocker of being pregnant first scan showed it was twins and now we have 2 girls lol. I adore all for different reasons each unique with there own ways.

I dont understand this, boys are supposed to be easier. I have a teen DD and worried about her getting abused or pregnant, mood swings and body issues.boys are easier even if he becomes a teen dad he still gets off lightly.

If you really were hiding the thread you wouldn’t have announced it. I know you know you’re talking rubbish about girls and boys @SweetBirdsong

I understand how tough it is when life doesn’t pan out how you expected. I’m going through fertility treatment at the moment.

Remember that just having a girl is no guarantee they will be anything like you or conform to any of the gender norms you expect. There are girls i know who have awful relationships with their mother and others who are total tomboys and spend a lot of time with their dads.

Hoping you have a healthy, happy baby and I bet once he is here you’ll be so glad he is on your life x

I love my boys, and wouldn't be without them, but do feel a bit wistful sometimes about the fact that I can never now have a daughter as well. I think people who think that's bashing boys just haven't understood where it's coming from. It's not about not wanting the boys you have once you've got them, it's about missing the girl you'd have liked as well.

I'm not specially girly or frilly myself and had less than zero wish to dress up a daughter like a doll, but I would have liked the chance to one day have an adult daughter as well as (NOT INSTEAD OF) my sons. I'm so close to my mum, aunts and sisters, and a bit sad that that particular multi-generational female dynamic will end with me now, because it's been such a wonderful thing for me.

Of course people can respond to that and say "just be grateful for what you've got", but people can say that about anything. Someone with terminal cancer (and there are people on MN in that position) could furiously say to someone who's distraught at their infertility "just be grateful you're alive yourself, enjoy your nephews and nieces and stop complaining!". There's always someone worse off, but it's still OK to be sad about whatever makes you sad.

OP, one thing I would say is that my dh has an amazing relationship with his mum, and I am close with my boys, and based on all that I'm much more confident these days that I will end up still being just as close to them when they're older as I always thought I'd have a good chance of being with a daughter.

Make sure you invest time in the relationships you'll have with your sons - really get to know them as the unique people they'll be. Don't stereotype them and don't somehow write them off as impossibly different to you so you'll never be that close. If you do that you might just make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I imagined all the typical things I might do with a daughter.

And therein lies the problem. It’s imagining what another person may be like and may want to do with you - essentially a clone of yourself! I have a DD and tbh she does most things with DH. We love each other of course, but we have very different personalities and interests, whereas they have much more in common. Having matching vagina’s doesn’t mean you will be interested in doing things together! I do lots with some of my sons, as we have common interests. I don’t live any of them more or less, but the reality is they don’t get shoe horned into doing things with you because of matching genitalia.

You can't help how you feel of course. I'm sure you know that your op is a difficult read for women who longed to be mothers, and either infertility or unfortunate circumstances prevented it. But life's not a grief competition, so if you're genuinely grieving the loss of the idea of daughters, then you can't help that. I reckon it'll pass once your perfect baby boy is in your arms. I wish you and your family well x