To be so sad to find out I'm having another boy

@LadeOde Not in my case. I personally just want to share my experience of being a human female with a daughter like my mum has done with me. I can't do that with my son as much as I love him for who he is. If I don't have that opportunity ever then I think a part of me will always feel like I missed out on something.

It doesn't help that my son is basically a mini version of his dad in looks. He's utterly adorable but there's nothing of me there at all! 😂

@Emi199 thank you, the week waiting to fly out was horrible. I had mixed feelings every time DS1 moved (happy to feel him, scared he wouldn't make it) and burst into tears in public once when I saw another pregnant woman. I just count myself lucky that my reality check was in the form of a false alarm.

It's always MALES when people are dissapointed about about the gender of their unborn dc. In a weird way, it's as if they transfer all the negativity they've had in life with a male onto their unborn foetus and imagine it's going to be just like those bastards they talk about constantly on here...

Just a word of caution to the mums of girls on here saying how great daughters are and how relieved that they never had boys…
all the girl mums I know have gone on to have predominantly grandsons (and vice versa, the boy mums have had mainly granddaughters). Just remember this could well be you one day. What will you tell your girls then? That you’re so relieved you didn’t end up like them? That their children (and your grandchildren) are second best?

@Emi199 Actually no, it's not because of the sperm (that's been debunked) it's because, for some reason, male embryos tend to develop slightly faster and are therefore selected for implantation more often as under the microscope they look healthier than others who might develop a little slower but still make perfectly viable babies.

I think it skews the difference maybe 5% towards boy in the end if we're talking 5AA or 5AB blastocysts.

@LuvSmallDogs I’m so glad things worked out. What a tremendous relief and how horrendous before you learned he was ok.

@LuvSmallDogs So sorry to reply to you then. I didn’t mean to.

Is it true that IVF usually puts the odds of having a boy higher due to the faster male sperm?

You couldn't conceive, were lucky enough to have successful IVF and now you've been even more incredibly fortunate to conceive naturally and you're upset it's a boy?!

So, so U.

I get it. I've had years of infertility and some IVF too. We finally had our little boy in 2020 and now we're somehow expecting another natural miracle after three miscarriages.

I'm very grateful to be pregnant but I don't want to find out what we're having for the same reason as you so we're going to keep it a surprise until the baby is born. I just don't think I'd be lucky enough to get what I want and I'm weirdly already sad about it.

It's such a strange feeling. I want this baby so much and will accept and love it whatever it is but at the same time I really, really want a girl so I have one of each.

I don't think it's wrong to have a preference or that we're not allowed to be disappointed just because we had hard journeys to get here.

I wanted girls. I'd grown up with only sisters, couldn't imagine different.

At the 20 week scan for DS1, we were told he was a boy...and that one of the measurements in his brain was off, suggesting an accumulation of fluid.

I was sent for a next day appointment with an obstetrician, who did his own scan and confirmed it. He referred me to another obstetrician on the mainland for yet another scan, telling me "there's no need to think about a late term abortion right now, he will discuss that with you at your appointment".

A week later, I catch a red-eye to the mainland and go to this 2nd obstetrician. He looks at the scans sent over. He scans DS1 yet again.

"Yes, I thought so, they took these scans with baby at a bad angle. Now that he's moved, I can see that his brain is fine, this is a healthy baby".

After a week of steeling myself to discuss late term abortion/survival rates etc, I didn't give a fuck that DS1, DS2 and DS3 are male. FFS.

😂😂😂

'Ok hon, run away now'

Someone to become a friend and confidante in the way I don't think adult sons do

Wanting a daughter to fulfil a role a female friend would isn't healthy in my view. I've just lost my mum, and lost my dad last year. I talked far more openly with my dad than mum, but not in the way I would a closest female friend.

My own adult son is very open with me, enough for me to know he's happy and balanced, but that doesn't replace his closest friendships.

You can't control the gender, but think of it this way, this baby is a gift to you AND your elder son - for life.

I have 2 boys and I absolutely love it. All children are different obviously, but both of mine have ended up very stereotypical boys. They are complete mummy's boys, they absolutely adore me and I've done nothing particularly special to earn it. They're affectionate, hilarious, boisterous, adventurous, emotionally robust in a way that makes me a bit jealous to be honest. They're so straightforward - no friendship dramas. Brave to the point where you have to remind them it's ok to cry.

My eldest absolutely loves his hair, clothes and interior design - he's amazing to go shopping with and we go to the hairdresser together, so I don't feel like I've 'missed out' in that way.

Also all the young men in my family had to be physically removed from the family home or they would never have left after University. They still constantly boomerang back home for food, washing and emotional support, so I'm not that worried about never seeing them again once they're grown up 😅

I also just completely love them as their own individual people. They aren't 'boys' to me, they are their own special personality and I just love the bones of them.

More generalisations. I have 6 nieces and 5 are/have been teens and not one of them are like this. They are delightful. My son has a lot of female friends and again not one like this.

I have two boys and completely understand it. I didn't know each time what I was having and I think that makes it easier as when they are born you don't care in the same way. I do love having two boys though, they play together well but also have very different personalities. My youngest we are looking at buying a sold house for as he enjoys playing imaginary games with ppl. It's ok to be sad but when they arrive you really won't mind.

You're allowed to grieve not having the experience of having a daughter

I can sympathise. I would have liked a DD too. However when DS2 came along, I couldn't imagine my life without him in our family, he is everything anyone could ever wish for. 🤷‍♀️

I have 3 boys. If I could have chosen I would have chosen 3 girls.
I was so upset when I had a third boy. Largely due to fucking mil making me feel a complete failure.
Anyway, they are now in their 30's and I couldn't be closer or love them more. Two of them are very into clothes and interiors. They are brilliant to go shopping with, if that's what you think you'll miss out on.
I now have a granddaughter, who is an absolute delight. However, she's no 'better' than having a boy. Not much difference at the moment to be honest. I thought I'd be buying her frilly frocks etc. I tried. She takes them off. I bought her a doll. She pulled its head off.
Enjoy your boys. You are very lucky. They are a gift.

I don’t think it is bashing boys. I only have one son but understand where she is coming from. Of course women have a different connection to other women, we are emotionally wired differently to men - it’s biological. You also see so many threads in here where women hate their mother in laws - they’re either a bitch or too nice (somehow?!). I have a very close relationship with my mum and I think mums of sons worry they will be left alone once the son is an adult and has his own life. I guess I worry about not having the same relationship with my son, he is very close with my mum and she provides childcare two days a week.

On MN any adult son who has a good relationship with his mum is seen as a mummy’s boy and mumsnetters all pile in and tell the poster to get the husband to cut off the MIL. The vitriol on MN towards MILs is quite gross to be honest and it does make you worry that your son might cut you off too one day, even if you are a good mum and a nice and kind MIL. Of course there will always be spiteful and unkind people out there who aren’t the best MIL.

I’m hoping in the future I will have a good relationship with my son and his partner and that I could even gain a daughter via marriage etc. But daughters will always be loyal to their own mothers, it’s just how it is in the majority of cases.

A lot of offended people on this thread. Gender disappointment is real, pretty common and it's nothing to be ashamed about, so don't make the OP feel even more guilty about how she is feeling.

Thinking anecdotally - my Dad is one of two boys.

He is clever, funny, academic, loves languages and sciences, loves to cook. Least violent / boisterous person you could imagine. Clumsy and useless at sports (not that there's anything wrong with being good at sports). Works in a stereotypically female profession. Very close father-daughter bond with him growing up.

Dad has a good close relationship with his brother, my uncle, he says he always felt protective and nurturing of him growing up. My uncle is an artist and very into his fashion and interior decor (my dad is not remotely stylish).

They're very different from one another, I can't say either is a stereotypical man however they have both obviously been influenced by the status of men Vs women in society, and I expect quite privileged as a result of being men overall (that's the real worst thing about having a daughter - knowing some of the things she will face just because she is female).

Both remained close to their parents, especially their mum (my grandma) and I spent a load of time with paternal grandparents and my cousins on my dad's side growing up. Dad and my uncle doted and cared for their mum until the very end.

Just one family example but to me it proves how much horseshit all of this boys won't be close to you, boys won't care for you stuff is. And they grew up in the 60s and 70s! Boys will be how you raise them, and my grandma doted on her boys (she was a sexist and always only wanted boys haha - not that I'd advocate that).

Op it is OK to be sad, but it sounds like you have a very set idea of ‘having a girl’ and really you might not have had that relationship with your girl anyway which would have caused issues.

I have two boys and it is fab, but I love all things sci fi Star Wars manga Avengers.

in the age of social media I think it is really hard having a girl. I hear my friends stories and am so glad for my two boys

Teen girls are the absolute worst. Rude, stroppy, bitchy, materialistic, and vain. I should know, I was one and I have dealt with them a bit in my life. With the odd exception, I would far far rather deal with boys in that age group.