To be so sad to find out I'm having another boy

I don't think that being a woman is shit at all. I would far rather be female than male, I adore my femininity and also my relationships with men. If I were male then I would have to be gay, and life is easier for straight people so I'm glad I'm not (that isn't hate against gays at all, just the facts) Being female hasn't put anyone at a significant disadvantage in this country since last century.

I second that @TooOldForThisNonsense . I have loads of gynae issues so wouldn't really want to pass it on to a daughter. In general though, it's crap being female. We seem to get the shitty end of the stick😂

I’m fairly glad my sons won’t experience that because being a woman is generally fairly shit. 😂 Men in general have an easier time. I’m also really proud of how I’ve raised my boys to have respect for women my eldest does a lot of work in early prevention of sex based violence. Which is as we know largely male on female.

Is it though? I would bet that in a forum mainly full of dads you'd find a fair few men who felt a bit sad when they stopped having kids, if they'd never had a son. It wouldn't mean they're all sexist arseholes who hate girls. It would just mean they'd consciously or subconsciously imagined themselves with at least one son, and now they're sad that they'll never have that experience, even though they still love their daughters too.

Is it wrong to hate women? Yes it is.

Is it wrong that if I hate women then I will have negative feelings of hatred inside me? No because it is your body’s way of communicating with you.

Is it wrong to act on my feelings of hatred by hurting women? Yes, clearly that is wrong.

Is it wrong to act on my feelings of hatred by being honest about it and exploring why I hate women, how can I resolve this in a positive way? No, there is nothing wrong with that.

It’s not the feelings that are good or bad but the attitude or opinion or thoughts or how we choose to act on them that is good or bad

Your feelings just indicate something. You feel hatred towards women. Then look at why you feel that way. Question yourself is it justified or is my thinking faulty?

I found that I can sometimes change my feelings by changing my attitude (the way I am thinking about something or change how I regard something or someone).

Our feelings are just our body’s way of telling us something and we should listen to it.

Hate these posts. Of course YABVVVU

I have boys and they are so loving, affectionate and kind. And after seven miscarriages I thank my lucky stars for them every day.

the problem you have is not so much the disappointment but the fact you have this whole imaginary relationship with a daughter mapped out in your head and that’s what you seem to be grieving for. Never mind the enormous pressure that would put on a child, but assuming a daughter would be your friend and confidante? I’m not my mums best friend, I’ve never done girly days and shopping with her, I’ve never been into stereotypically girly stuff, hell we don’t really have any interests in common. She has way more in common with my brother. What we do have is a lovely mother-daughter relationship that has sod all to do with whether I’m female or not. We’re not best friends and I don’t confide everything in her because we both have actual best friends for that.

I have 2 sons, and we get along great because I place no pressure on them to be what I imagined sons would be like. I certainly don’t expect them to look after me when I get old (and wouldn’t expect that off a daughter neither). Enjoy your children for who they are, not what you’ve imagined they’ll be to you, and you will be much happier for it. It’s good you have admitted these feelings to yourself, but it’s up to you to deal with them so they don’t spoil the wonderful relationship you can have with your sons.

I had the daughter I longed for - after 2 boys - and she hates everything I stand for. The boys are far kinder and closer to me. So be careful what you wish for 😘

Yanbu to feel how you feel.
I too wanted a second DD and it took a while to get my head around having a boy in my next pregnancy. Of course it will be different when he’s here but you are allowed your feelings

I don’t think there is anything wrong with what you are feeling OP. I’d rather express how I’m feeling than suppress it all. We all have preferences in life - despite your feelings now it sounds like you will love your baby regardless.

also most of my friends prefer to have baby boys as they feel that they would find their girls annoying and would be in competition with them - which I think is bizarre.

I did a similar post. I didn’t grow up with males - especially since my dad left young and I’m always around women - and so I preferred to have a girl only for that reason - my first is a girl and we get on very well. My second is a boy - not born yet but I’m feeling nervous as I’m assuming there will be slight differences, even if it’s simply the way others perceive them - but I am excited too.

On the extreme side parents that do not deal with their trauma can easily pass it onto their children. I know a woman who couldn’t bond with her son because of her abusive partner. I also know girl mums that can’t stand their daughters. I think it’s so so sad. I agree with the person that says there are many that have to look internally if their response is extreme.

it doesn’t sound like you will love your baby any less but I can relate OP.

Her baby is a happy healthy surprise, nothing to grieve over. She wasn’t even trying for a girl and got a boy. She thought she couldn’t get pregnant naturally and got an amazing surprise. So yes, feelings can be unreasonable. You can have your opinion and I can have mine.

My son was definitely the rough and tumble sort . When we’d go on holiday it was my son who loved playing in the pool or sea , tipping each other off the lilo , racing each other to the ball , whilst dunking each other. Boys are lovely

My niece has one of each , her girl was first born. We’re all very lucky to have my 2year old nephew. He was born at 27 weeks , he’s all good , right track of development and now a big strong boy

I know!

A lot of offended people on this thread. Gender disappointment is real, pretty common and it's nothing to be ashamed about, so don't make the OP feel even more guilty about how she is feeling
It may well be real, but that doesn't mean it should be accepted as standard.

People rightly criticise societies that don't value girls because most people rightly think that a baby's value isn't it's sex.

But for some reason when it's mums to be who are devastated that they're being robbed of a fantasy daughter some people weirdly think the appropriate response is "aww hun we get you, it's so hard because a daughter is perfect. It's obvious why you'd want a daughter.. But don't worry because when you see your son you'll love him".

I think people who are in bits over their baby being the wrong type or are wedded to normalising that sort of response probably need to reflect and examine their attitudes to boys and girls.

Op, I think it's good you have posted about it. Besides the negative responses, it's helpful to say it out loud and process it. Just because other people would do anything for any gender of baby, doesn't mean you shouldn't be allowed to feel gender disappointment.

You will love your baby boy and the relationship he will have with his big brother, its better to work through these emotions now (which will be heightened because of pregnancy) before he gets here. You will be ok, don't feel like a bad person for this, because you aren't

Baffles me that all these people posting that boys are better feel the need to make negative comments about girls while doing so.

I have 5 girls, I had horrible comments for each of my 4 pregnancies about how disappointing it was I wasn't having a boy, how upset I must be ect, how I would have to try again. It got to the point I wished for a boy so I wouldn't have the comments and be disappointing all these people.

It's really hard to explain what I mean. It's not the relationship per say, it's the life experience of being a woman that my son will never understand. Does that make sense? I suppose you could even describe it as a primal desire to pass on the mitochondrial DNA line that only runs through females. I'll be sad if in our family it stops with me.

YABVU - as someone going through IVF, recurrent miscarriages and facing a future without any children I think you should be counting your massive blessings here!

I was convinced DS was a girl, very vivid dreams, just such a strong feeling and I'm not woo at all.
Found out he was a boy and for a short time it was almost the loss of a girl that didn't exist.

My boy is so affectionate, loving and kind, told me this morning on the way to school that I'm his best friend. I'm close to my mum but so is my brother, maybe more so. I also was never going to engage in stereotypical female things, hated pink, dolls, threw a huge tantrum about being told to wear a bridesmaid dress at 4, still don't wear much make up etc. I do love reading and music and being outdoors, so does my son.

Be happy! Having all boys is wonderful - I have 3. Yes, there are things that I miss- but enjoy the fun and energy of little boys!

It seems to be, yes. I don't understand the misandry on here sometimes. In my life, I have met just as many, if not slightly more, shitty women as I have shitty men. The one time I was seriously sexually assaulted it was by a woman. I have been constantly gossiped about, belittled and bullied by women. I'm not saying men are saints, but there are good and bad people of both sexes. I have to wonder if some of the women on here are doing something to attract especially bad men, or if they are just nitpicking and exaggerating.

I don't think gender matters as you can just as easily do all the things you described with your boys. My friend has one of each, the girl, although delightful, was always a bit aloof while the boy is very gentle and very close with both his parents and me. When he was younger, he wouldn't think twice about joining me for a pedicure.

@TheBirdintheCave Even if you have a DD, what makes you so sure you will be sharing the same experience you had with your DM with her? she'll be a completely different person and you could be setting yourself up for total disappointment by trying to mould your relationship with her into what you had with your DM instead of seeing her as an individual in her own right.

My mum and I have a civil relationship. We aren’t friends. She gets on a lot better with my brothers. Don’t assume you necessarily would be best of friends just because of her sex. Personality plays a massive part to.

It is so sad you dislike boys, and if you project this onto the child you'll make him miserable and he'll hate you.

So be grateful. You are lucky.