No interest in dating or relationships

In 22 years I've had one significant relationship that lasted about 3 years.. meh.. if it happens, it happens - if not I'll remain happily single

I am outwardly similar in my position towards relationships as the person you are describing in the op. I am greysexual. That is to say, I am essentially in the asexual spectrum(hetero leaning), but there have technically been a handful of people I have been attracted to, and I do desire romance and sex in a general sense. For me, the primary problem is that the qualities I desire in a partner, notably open mindedness, and strong ethical values can not be detected in a reasonable time frame. There are no forums I can think of aside from clubs, where I would talk to anyone in person long enough to develop any kind of interest. The only two clubs I have any remote interest in joining are machining or gaming related, which are both massively male dominated, and neither are pursuits I would undertake just for the remote chance of discovering someone. Asking out what amounts to 'random female strangers' to ascertain if I liked them in any way has never been a palatable option for me. I was very physically attractive as a young man, but every time a girl walked up to me with those wide eyes, I found the whole affair to be truly repulsive. Drooling over someone's appearance appears to me extremely shallow, primitive, and objectifying. The online space has always held some remote promise however. It possesses benefits such as weeding out some of the objectifying stuff I dislike, and filtering through people based on different criteria from the comfort of home over a functionally long enough period of time, but it comes with its own set of challenges as well. Ultimately I have not been successful in dating, and I don't expect that to ever change.

Yes one of my husband's best friends (now about 65) is like this. Lovely guy, loads of friends, comfortably off but just doesn't seem interested in a romantic relationship with anyone. He seems happy so live and let live.

You aren’t wrong. Most blokes are pretty awful! Posts here demonstrate that.

I am currently in lust with Henry Cavill. My menopausal body quivers when I see him wink. 😍

Here's the thing: some people prioritise other stuff in their lives. I did. In part I was reacting against a mother who viewed me as a means of obtaining the grandchildren she wanted, and also I only ever met a couple of guys I was interested in, and they weren't interested in me. So that was that.

Imagine that. Someone wanting to discuss something on a discussion forum.

I don't understand why you've made a topic about it to be honest. He was front up to you to your question. The Mumsnet kangaroo court are not going to offer any more of an insight than he has told you, and it's none of your business to be honest.

For a lot of people a relationship is more hassle and drama than it's worth.

If they've got goals and ambitions then having to cater to another person's wants and needs is a distraction.

There's a difference between happily single, and never experiencing romantic or sexual attraction.

And there are some people who have experienced romantic/sexual attraction, but it's not a person they ever are likely to meet (fictional/actor/historical). Sometimes that feels 'safe' to them, that they will never be expected to engage in a relationship.

One of my good friends had a 2 year relationship in her teens, a few one night stands in her twenties and nothing since (mid 40s now). She’s attractive, intelligent, confident and has had interest but I just don’t think she’s bothered. Never talks about men or dating, happy living on her own.

I’ve been married (divorced) and I have no interest in dating anyone ever again. I have little interest in sex these days and am happy on my own. I wouldn’t discuss this with my colleagues though! Your colleague may be the same.

Jesus does everything need a special label! @Catsmere has simply stated her experience she hasn't ask for a diagnosis!

I get you - I have been single through choice since I was 40 (13 years now) and for the same reasons as you - relationships take time and effort, it would need to be a special man for me to be arsed with all that faff and I haven't met him - it's perfectly possible to be happy and single and not be a 'label'.

Also agree with the point that this man may not want to discuss his sex life with his work superior

The same element of "someone you will never meet" is present. Unless you mean a long dead ex/spouse who was the love of your life after a loving relationship, and you never want another.

Probably doesn't want to discuss his sex life with his supervisor. Maybe he's asexual.

That's a new term to me! Wasn't someone fictional though, just someone long dead.

I still don't consider myself as having been asexual, just a heterosexual with very specific tastes. 😄

I've known several people who for various reasons didn't really want relationships or sex: one is one of my closest female friends who has had relationships in the past but has got to a point in life where the dynamic of male/female relationships doesn't work for her and she hasn't met a man who she would be prepared to compromise her life for. She hasn't really had a relationship for about 25 years. Another less close friend (male) has also had relationships in the past but hasn't had a serious one for over 20 years.

These are both conventionally attractive, intelligent, socially gifted and solvent people who, if they chose to, could find someone to couple up with more or less overnight but choose not to.

I think the dynamic of the traditional committed romantic relationship just doesn't work for some people. Even strong relationships between men and women tend to force people into certain roles which can be quite limiting and a lot of people aren't comfortable making that kind of compromise - particularly after a certain point in life when they are set in their ways and especially if they don't have and don't want children.

TBH in some ways I envy people like this (I'm in a good, albeit imperfect LTR). I think an awful lot of LTRs require people to compromise themselves to such an extent that they seriously diminish your freedom and quality of life. If you have children it's usually a compromise worth making but if you don't I can see why you might not want to bother.

And then obviously there are asexual people who aren't interested in sex at all.

There's all sorts of reasons why the standard coupling in a committed relationship don't bring out the best in people. I think a lot more people feel like this than is commonly recognised and I think people who have the strength of mind and independence to live like this are admirable.

Fictosexuality is a term used to explain strong feelings of love, infatuation or desire for fictional characters, and actually exists on the asexuality spectrum.

Yes, me. I have no interest at all in dating or relationships. Tried it in the past- relationships, dating, one night stands… simply because I felt that’s what was expected and normal.
Found it brought nothing to my life and have been single since, with no intention of wanting anything like that again.

I’ve got a male friend like this. He’s in his late 40s. I know he has had girlfriends in the past, and he isn’t gay, but he’s been single for the ten or fifteen years that I’ve known him and has no real interest In a relationship with anyone. He has plenty of female friends. I get the impression that if he met someone by chance that he felt some kind of romantic spark with, he would be open to dating, but he definitely doesn’t want to live with anyone and he doesn’t feel a relationship is something he actively wants.

I guess it’s possible he’s asexual, but he has certainly indicated that he finds women attractive.

Yes, I know two men who are exactly as you describe. I'm met one when he was 54 and the other when he was 56 and I have known them 10 and 12 years respectively, and in all that time comma exactly as you describe, neither of them has shown this slightest interest never makes any remarks about sex or fancying anyone, etc

There's a guy I supervise at work who's never been on a date or anything. He's reasonably attractive, chatty, intelligent. I asked him about it once and he just said he's very picky.
I guess it's just not a priority for everyone.

LOL well that was my setting for a very long time, and I kinda miss it now menopause shut everything down!

Though when I read stuff on here and look at the ageing blokes around me ... I don't think I missed much.

How refreshing. He sounds lovely.

Hmm, not sure that fantasy men or film stars count. 🤔😉

@Meowandthen I don't think of it that way at all, because I had (pre-menopause) perfectly active libido and specific types of men I fancied - I just never met one in the flesh and didn't care for those I did meet. Definitely not lesbian, either.