Telling someone you are too busy for a visit but they turned up anyway

@SunRainStorm why did you give her a key? why didnt you get it back or change the locks if you knew everyone was avoiding her and she was doing stuff like this? it sounds like everyone knew what she was like so it makes no sense you'd give her a key to your home. If she refused to return it you could have simply changed the locks...

You were grumpy and that's understandable, but you were rather direct and actually rude. I'm sure if you could wind back time you'd say it differently. Well done for apologising, it was the right thing to do.

In hindsight you could have roped her in to helping with the declutter. ' Oh just hold this bag open while I put this rubbish in' she'll get bored after a bit, or might actually be useful.. Another strategy would be to whip off your clothes and answer the door in your dressing gown,and DH to do the same. That will send a message that you didn't want to be disturbed!

Easy to say I know, but hopefully next time will work out better.

they had a key? presumably you or tour husband have it to them?

and They were then shocked and enraged that we didn't deliver our baby to them for a visit every week so sued us for custody

It was thrown out of court.

It never would have got to court

@ThePoetsWife @idealgift @LylaLee

They had a key. If I pretended I wasn't home they would walk around the back to look through the glass door or alternatively just let themselves in.

They had me well trained- they were prone to tantrums and huge fallings out with people so we all tip toed around them.

Eventually they blew up at us over something else, disowned my husband and said we were dead to them. They were then shocked and enraged that we didn't deliver our baby to them for a visit every week so sued us for custody

It was thrown out of court.

So yes I guess I did put my foot down in a way, but it wasn't simple at all.

Sorry to hijack the thread!

I'm starting to understand why some people are scared to answer the down to an unexpected knock.

in my mind, it’s more strange that you let her in and then left her in your in your kitchen whilst you went off.

@flaxentoad

Years ago, I had a pushy, bullying "friend" who is no longer my friend (her choice).

when you say her choice… she ended the friendship?

There’s some strange people about. I work from home and a friend knocked on the door “just passing, put the kettle on” ….. I said I had to dial into a meeting in a couple of minutes. She ignored that and put the kettle on. I went off to my office and left her there. She sat on her own for 30 minutes before letting herself out and then sent an arsey text 🤣

Some people see boundaries as a red rag to a bull. Just means you have to really enforce them!

Years ago, I had a pushy, bullying "friend" who is no longer my friend (her choice). We spent a lot of time together and also worked together.

One Saturday I didn't want to spend 9-5pm mooching around the shops. This was fun for her, she was a shopaholic and in debt to her eyeballs. I often went with her, just to be nice.

Well, one Saturday I really didn't want to. I can't remember what I wanted to do, but it wasn't wandering round the shops in the rain. I told her I wasn't going.

She turned up and started knocking on the door! I dived behind the sofa until she went away. I don't know if she knew I was in there or not (I had no car as a giveaway), but I didn't care.

That was the beginning of me standing up for myself.

YANBU
My former friend used to do this... she was like a bulldozer , no respect for people's boundaries..At the end , I told her , we can't be friends anymore..

Just lock the door and say no when they come.

Some people have no backbone ffs

or indeed ask your husband to speak to his parents @SunRainStorm

compare

Sometimes life isn’t right or wrong

with

personally I think you were ruder! Lot of very over dramatic people on this thread! **

rather suggests you think the OP is “wrong”

I always wonder with these people would being really blunt even work. I mean you could say

"What the hell are you thinking just plonking yourself in my house when I said no because I have plans with my uni friends? Are you on crack? Have your brains been hijacked by the little green men?"

Would it have any impact or would they just rationalise it as you having an off day and continue acting how they always did? I just don't get people who continue to behave in ways that multiple other people must be reacting badly to.

Did you ever speak up and put your foot down?

Good for you standing up for yourself.

I once had a friend/neighbour who would always turn up when she knew my DS was having a nap. It was the only time I got a minute to myself and she knew it.

My PIL did this.

Constantly popping in. Telling them I was busy or had other company was like a red flag to a bull. It would if anything, ensure an unwanted visit.

I'd text 'sorry no visits today, terrible night with the baby and I'm going to sleep when he does.' Lo and behold they'd pop up at the window offering to 'help'.

'Sorry, too busy for a visit today, my uni friends are coming over' queue MIL and FIL sitting between us on the sofa ten minutes later.

Some people honestly think what they feel like doing trumps everything else.

Some natterers would love that.

You have rather changed your tune in the space of a few hours.
no, still the same opinion, the neighbour made a rash decision to come in as sometimes us human beings do, the op could have handled it better!!

What a shock. I would not have let her in the door.
Feign a sore throat. Say you might be able to talk if you see her when you're feeling 100% fit.

Nice to know she only wants your company when she's bored!

🤔

You have rather changed your tune in the space of a few hours. In your first post you definitely gave the impression that the Op was wrong and indeed managed a sweeping criticism of anyone not sharing your view

personally I think you were ruder! Lot of very over dramatic people on this thread!

It astonishes me that you actually think that op was the one in the wrong here.
Sometimes life isn’t right or wrong, it’s a snap/rash decision, the neighbour should have left her but when she didn’t I don’t think it’s the hugest thing in the world most people are saying for her to say just ten minutes so.

This is my actual worst nightmare.
Well done for having the guts to kick her out. I applaud anyone who has strong boundaries. It's been an issue in my life.
The be kind brigade seemingly don't understand what it feels like to be constantly invaded and manipulated via your initial kindness. It's like the energy vampires and narcissists can sense it and come flocking. I saulte anyone who stands up to these fuckers because I've always struggled with it.
I cannot imagine asking to see someone and being told they are busy then having the absolute audacity and self centredness to think 'oh that doesn't matter ill go over there and talk at them anyway' yet its happened to me.

I wouldn’t have even let her in… hi, oh sorry, we are busy. Bye, shut the door