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Original poster

Telling someone you are too busy for a visit but they turned up anyway

310 replies

Minniliscious · 19/11/2023 15:10

Just wanting to get some more views on this as I am feeling really bad right now.

DH and I booked Friday as leave to get things done around the house etc …. Car battery had gone flat and DH arranged for a neighbour to help with this. I was decluttering and deep cleaning ready for Christmas and making cupcakes for DS Christmas fayre at school. Just very busy all day with planned stuff to do.

A neighbour that I bump into now and then (wouldn’t say we know each other that well but are friendly) text me to say that she was bored and could she pop round for a cuppa and a chat (she had seen the car outside). I text back “Sorry but really not convenient today! We’ve booked the day off to declutter etc but let me know when you’re next free” I forgot about it and just carried on. An hour later, there’s a knock at the door and it’s her! She was like “Hi put the kettle on you sound like you need a break” I asked if she had got my text and she went “yeah but you’re not out out, you’re around so I won’t stay long.” I really didn’t know what to say , I was speechless. We walked through to the kitchen, I put the kettle on but suddenly felt really irritated and said “actually I really can’t stop for a cuppa, this is the only day I have to get things done. I did tell you that?” So with that, she huffily got up and said she wish she’d hadn’t bothered! I ended up apologising to her and saying I’d be in touch.

The more I think about it though, I just can’t believe someone would have the audacity to even do that? Was I being unreasonable by practically throwing her out??

OP posts:
Original poster
Minniliscious · 20/11/2023 12:43

Well- unbelievably she saw my husband on the driveway this morning and said something like “you two are crazy - who books the day off to do housework? Tell Minniliscious I’ll be in touch for a playdate”😮😮😮 I’m fuming!! Really baffled that she’s now annoyed that we booked a day off to do housework because I was too busy to talk?? What on earth is it to do with her?? Also, she wants to still meet up? Bizarre.

OP posts:
googledidnthelp · 20/11/2023 12:34

@ManateeFair I'm sure it takes much more thank asking someone if everything is ok to be considered an angel.....

DriftingDora · 20/11/2023 12:32

stayathomer · 20/11/2023 05:02

It astonishes me that you actually think that op was the one in the wrong here.
Sometimes life isn’t right or wrong, it’s a snap/rash decision, the neighbour should have left her but when she didn’t I don’t think it’s the hugest thing in the world most people are saying for her to say just ten minutes so.

Have you actually read what's been said on here, because it doesn't seem like it.

These people who are so thick that they push themselves in without being invited NEVER, EVER, stay for 10 mins. They come fully intending to talk idle chatter about themselves because they are nosey or bored. They are usually only concerned with themselves - a subject that fascinates them (if not anyone else) and if it's a one-off emergency situation, why would they not say something at the beginning? Why should anyone put up with encroachment on their personal space when the person knows it is inconvenient/unwanted? Honestly, use your brain.

verdantverdure · 20/11/2023 12:24

I cannot get over that the manipulative gaslighting neighbour did what she wanted to do anyway, after you said no @Minniliscious

And tried to sell it as doing you a favour!

The cheeky fucker!

Unbelievable.

DriftingDora · 20/11/2023 12:18

ManateeFair · 20/11/2023 11:24

Don't catch your halo on the door-frame on your way out

Show quote history

😂there's always one - and that was it!

DriftingDora · 20/11/2023 12:16

stayathomer · 19/11/2023 18:57

Sorry in the minority but she was so close by, you could have said okay just ten minutes so, personally I think you were rider! Lot of very over dramatic people on this thread!

what's a rider when it's at home?

DriftingDora · 20/11/2023 12:10

SunRainStorm · 20/11/2023 08:34

@ThePoetsWife @idealgift @LylaLee

They had a key. If I pretended I wasn't home they would walk around the back to look through the glass door or alternatively just let themselves in.

They had me well trained- they were prone to tantrums and huge fallings out with people so we all tip toed around them.

Eventually they blew up at us over something else, disowned my husband and said we were dead to them. They were then shocked and enraged that we didn't deliver our baby to them for a visit every week so sued us for custody

It was thrown out of court.

So yes I guess I did put my foot down in a way, but it wasn't simple at all.

Sorry to hijack the thread!

This is utter rubbish and you know it. Unless they were grandparents attempting to assert their rights, no court would even list a case where friends/neighbours(?) were asking for access rights. Bonkers.

Newestname002 · 20/11/2023 12:09

Readingineading · 19/11/2023 17:53

FIL did this once. He called in as he had seen my car parked outside. I answered the door and told him he couldn't come in because I had suspected Norovirus . He pushed his way inside anyway ( not unusual for him) and as I opened my mouth to object I threw up on his shoes.
Job done, he left.

😂😂🤣🤣

Good! That'll teach him - rude S.O.B!! I bet he's never been so rude again (hopefully)!! 🌹

WickedSerious · 20/11/2023 11:49

My friend got rid of one of these people by responding to her 'I'll be round in ten mins' texts with 'Great! Wicked's here,we can have a good catch up'.

ManateeFair · 20/11/2023 11:24

googledidnthelp · 19/11/2023 18:12

No but I would have made sure she was ok and didn't really need someone to talk to first.

Don't catch your halo on the door-frame on your way out

walkingintothefuture · 20/11/2023 11:05

I’m not British so I lack the cultural training to apologise for being inconvenienced. I can recommend losing that if it’s at all an option

I ❤️ this!

notlucreziaborgia · 20/11/2023 10:55

Had this with an acquaintance I’d never actually invited to my house. She knew where I lived because she’d driven by and seen me getting home, apparently. She sent me a message saying she was going to ‘pop round for a cup of tea and a catch up’, to which I replied I was busy. Cue her turning up anyway with a “don’t worry, I won’t stay long!” - no, darling, you won’t be staying at all.

I’m not British so I lack the cultural training to apologise for being inconvenienced. I can recommend losing that if it’s at all an option.

stayathomer · 20/11/2023 10:35

idealgift
ah sorry I meant the sometimes life isn’t right or wrong in relation to the neighbour deciding to come in anyway, sorry, I sometimes phrase things wrong because our internet is dodgy so I can lose comments! Have a great day!

sockarefootwear · 20/11/2023 10:21

YANBU

I once agreed to look after my friend's DC whilst she was ill and ended up taking them home, putting them to bed and staying there (quietly downstairs) until her DH came home (all at her request). Another friend who lived nearby knocked on the door saying she had seen my car in the driveway so thought she'd pop in to 'join in the fun'. When I explained that friend was ill in bed and I was just babysitting she tried to push past me to go up and 'cheer her up'. Even when I told her that friend was asleep and was sick every time she tried to move she still tried to persuade me to let her go up for a chat. When I didn't let her in she sent dozens of messages to sick friend complaining that I was trying to come between them and then complaining that friend was not responding.

idealgift · 20/11/2023 09:56

@MuggleMe when you say you invited it’s yourself around… did you give her any advance notice?

how did you word it?!

billy1966 · 20/11/2023 09:46

Unfortunately it often appears to be the only way with people whose sole focus is on their needs always being met, irrespective of what those around them want.

They can't be fixed and often by then, those around them don't care, they just don't want to be near them at all.

CandyLeBonBon · 20/11/2023 09:43

MuggleMe · 20/11/2023 09:23

I was having a really bad day on Friday and invited myself round to my good friend's, she'd been ill and apologised for the state of the house. So we cleaned and decluttered the kitchen together while we chatted.

If she actually wanted company she could have offered to help you.

Did she know you were coming over though or did you just turn up?

SunRainStorm · 20/11/2023 09:40

billy1966 · 20/11/2023 09:37

@SunRainStorm may I ask, where are you at now with them?

The court application was the last straw for us, we're NC now.

billy1966 · 20/11/2023 09:37

@SunRainStorm may I ask, where are you at now with them?

RosePetals86 · 20/11/2023 09:29

I wfh and have told family I was working on x day and they just turn up anyway because ‘they won’t stay long!’ Just rude! Then they make you feel bad for trying to ship them out.

MuggleMe · 20/11/2023 09:23

I was having a really bad day on Friday and invited myself round to my good friend's, she'd been ill and apologised for the state of the house. So we cleaned and decluttered the kitchen together while we chatted.

If she actually wanted company she could have offered to help you.

CandyLeBonBon · 20/11/2023 09:18

SunRainStorm · 20/11/2023 08:34

@ThePoetsWife @idealgift @LylaLee

They had a key. If I pretended I wasn't home they would walk around the back to look through the glass door or alternatively just let themselves in.

They had me well trained- they were prone to tantrums and huge fallings out with people so we all tip toed around them.

Eventually they blew up at us over something else, disowned my husband and said we were dead to them. They were then shocked and enraged that we didn't deliver our baby to them for a visit every week so sued us for custody

It was thrown out of court.

So yes I guess I did put my foot down in a way, but it wasn't simple at all.

Sorry to hijack the thread!

I sympathise- my exH's family were a bit like this!

WhatNoRaisins · 20/11/2023 09:07

I suspect the majority of grandparents going to courts for access are the sort of people no sane person would want around children.

LylaLee · 20/11/2023 09:06

Grandparents rights usually only apply where one parent is deceased and the widow/widower is withholding visits from a child with whom they have an existing relationship.

Not when both parents are alive & not in an institution.

SunRainStorm · 20/11/2023 08:57

Grandparents have standing to make applications to court for access to minor children. Google 'grandparents rights' if you want to learn about it.

It was a valid application and we had to hire a lawyer and apply for it to be dismissed by the court.

My husband gave them a key. I wasn't happy about it. Changing the locks lead to a huge tantrum and threats so we gave them a new key to end the fight.

I'd never encountered people like them before in my life. I did my best with what I knew at the time.

My husband had to go on his own journey with it, having been raised by emotionally volatile and abusive people.

We did our best. I don't believe I lack a 'backbone' at all.

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