Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Telling someone you are too busy for a visit but they turned up anyway

310 replies

Minniliscious · 19/11/2023 15:10

Just wanting to get some more views on this as I am feeling really bad right now.

DH and I booked Friday as leave to get things done around the house etc …. Car battery had gone flat and DH arranged for a neighbour to help with this. I was decluttering and deep cleaning ready for Christmas and making cupcakes for DS Christmas fayre at school. Just very busy all day with planned stuff to do.

A neighbour that I bump into now and then (wouldn’t say we know each other that well but are friendly) text me to say that she was bored and could she pop round for a cuppa and a chat (she had seen the car outside). I text back “Sorry but really not convenient today! We’ve booked the day off to declutter etc but let me know when you’re next free” I forgot about it and just carried on. An hour later, there’s a knock at the door and it’s her! She was like “Hi put the kettle on you sound like you need a break” I asked if she had got my text and she went “yeah but you’re not out out, you’re around so I won’t stay long.” I really didn’t know what to say , I was speechless. We walked through to the kitchen, I put the kettle on but suddenly felt really irritated and said “actually I really can’t stop for a cuppa, this is the only day I have to get things done. I did tell you that?” So with that, she huffily got up and said she wish she’d hadn’t bothered! I ended up apologising to her and saying I’d be in touch.

The more I think about it though, I just can’t believe someone would have the audacity to even do that? Was I being unreasonable by practically throwing her out??

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
ToeJob · 08/12/2025 14:53

BMW6 · 08/12/2025 10:23

Why have you resurrected a thread 2 years old?!

Show quote history

Because it came up in Similar Threads and I didn’t notice the date on it. Don’t worry, it’s only an old thread - no one died.

Goditsmemargaret · 08/12/2025 10:36

SM4713 · 19/11/2023 15:38

OP- You neighbour is my MIL, I'm sure of it.

MIL texted DH to say she was coming around- he said no, are doing XYZ. By the time he'd replied, she was in the driveway! Not only her, but random friends of hers we'd never met. All had come to have a tour of our house which we've been renovating! Some people are so rude!

Oh my goodness. You have either married my ex or his brother. This stuff pissed me off so much. It all came to a head when for a few weeks due to an office reaction we all had to work from home. She knocked on the door multiple times and if no answer walked in using the key for emergencies and yes brought friends one of the times. The bizarre thing was that even when I escorted them back to the front door she turned up again the next day as if it had never happened.

OP I applaud you. IRL I come across as being confident and assertive but really I had shit boundaries for many years and often found myself silently seething while another person uses me for free therapy. It's happened with tenants, staff etc and I would be smiling saying "now I'm sorry but I do need to get on with... " and them continuing with "yes I know you're busy, this won't take long... " I have improved massively mainly because I had no choice when running my own business after my DC were born.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 08/12/2025 10:29

Hairyfairy01 · 19/11/2023 15:42

Maybe she really needed some kind of support or a kind ear from you?

I’m surprised nobody has yet mentioned that she might have ADHD or whatever, so that she can’t help being a royal PITA.

BMW6 · 08/12/2025 10:23

ToeJob · 08/12/2025 04:51

You are ridiculous! What a shitty thing to say to the OP!

Show quote history

Why have you resurrected a thread 2 years old?!

nomas · 08/12/2025 06:05

idealgift · 19/11/2023 17:09

and having read your multiple comments about having no friends at all - maybe i felt sorry for you 🤷‍♀️

Poor form to stalk people on other threads looking for things to use against them.

ToeJob · 08/12/2025 04:51

Rookiesboy · 20/11/2023 08:39

You were grumpy and that's understandable, but you were rather direct and actually rude. I'm sure if you could wind back time you'd say it differently. Well done for apologising, it was the right thing to do.

In hindsight you could have roped her in to helping with the declutter. ' Oh just hold this bag open while I put this rubbish in' she'll get bored after a bit, or might actually be useful.. Another strategy would be to whip off your clothes and answer the door in your dressing gown,and DH to do the same. That will send a message that you didn't want to be disturbed!

Easy to say I know, but hopefully next time will work out better.

You are ridiculous! What a shitty thing to say to the OP!

flaxentoad · 26/11/2023 08:02

RidingMyBike · 24/11/2023 10:43

@flaxentoad the one holding forth had a very much alive but now retired husband who seemed to encourage her to be out of the house as much as possible!

😂

Readingineading · 25/11/2023 17:15

LylaLee · 19/11/2023 18:15

Did he apologize afterwards?

Show quote history

No, he was sheepish but didn't apologise ( actually, I never heard him apologise for anything, ever). But he did stop calling round uninvited.

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 24/11/2023 21:13

Minniliscious · 24/11/2023 18:34

@Radioshark 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤣🤣🤣🤣 I really wish she had decided not to have anything more to do with me. Unfortunately, I can’t seem to shake her off.

OP you might need to start actually being rude to her, she sounds unbelievably thick-skinned!

Original poster
Minniliscious · 24/11/2023 18:34

@Radioshark 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤣🤣🤣🤣 I really wish she had decided not to have anything more to do with me. Unfortunately, I can’t seem to shake her off.

OP posts:
Newestname002 · 24/11/2023 17:28

Radioshark · 23/11/2023 23:50

I think you were rude and if I were the neighbour I wouldn't have anything more to do with you.

That would probably suit the OP. Who wants some non-friend pushing into their lives - especially when they've been told you're committed to doing something else? 🌹

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 24/11/2023 13:05

Radioshark · 23/11/2023 23:50

I think you were rude and if I were the neighbour I wouldn't have anything more to do with you.

So it wasn't rude of the OP's acquaintance to turn up on the doorstep after being expressly asked not to, then?

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 24/11/2023 13:02

SurvivorsInc · 24/11/2023 02:04

People like this neighbour is why so many of us don't answer the door. Maybe those who find the not answering the door to be bizarre behaviour are the cheeky neighbours?

Very probably!

LookItsMeAgain · 24/11/2023 12:11

HannahHannahAnna · 24/11/2023 05:11

admire you for kicking her out! This happened to us in April as we were packing our house up for an international move just 2 days later. Someone kept messaging me to see me before we left country (not a good friend..just a casual acquaintance) I told her that I was sorry but I barely had time to spend with our kids. She showed up at our home. Home was completely in boxes and we were directing the moving company on what boxes for the shipping container. She stood in the middle of my living room with hands on hips and said..well if the mountain won't come to mohammad..mohammad will come to the mountain. My normally lovely husband told her to get out. That she was incredibly rude and we were busy as we told her. She then called our daughter crying..and needless to say she is now blocked

This is really sad

Can you explain why you think that someone who was advised not to show up at someone's home as they were packing and needed time to do that, still showed up, was told that it wasn't convenient for them to have shown up and was shown the door and then that person phoned the daughter and cried to them on the phone, would be sad? Why is that sad??? I don't understand why someone would think that was sad.

RidingMyBike · 24/11/2023 10:43

@flaxentoad the one holding forth had a very much alive but now retired husband who seemed to encourage her to be out of the house as much as possible!

flaxentoad · 24/11/2023 08:30

walkingintothefuture · 23/11/2023 17:30

It's quite interesting to study from a psychological point of view!

It is! I suspect these people latch on to those with people pleasing tendencies because they know full well they wont say no to them out of sheer politeness. The more assertive people will reinforce boundaries so they give up with them

Absolutely! It's survival of the fittest out there and I am working on my boundaries a bit more.

flaxentoad · 24/11/2023 08:28

RidingMyBike · 23/11/2023 14:51

Maybe there was more opportunity for them to bore the pants off other people in the past?

I once dropped some stuff off at church during a day's leave and found the flower arrangers there. It turned out they spent the entire day there, every week, with packed lunches, for a few small arrangements. What was really happening was two women sat down, drinking tea whilst another one talked at them for hours!

I declined to join.

I think you are right there. Maybe they were brought up to hold the floor all the time with everyone indulging them constantly and never moved on from that. Or maybe they had a long suffering spouse or relative and now they are gone, leaving them to find a new audience.

Sounds like you did right to escape at the church!

newhaircut · 24/11/2023 08:18

Radioshark · 23/11/2023 23:50

I think you were rude and if I were the neighbour I wouldn't have anything more to do with you.

That would be an excellent outcome then!

HannahHannahAnna · 24/11/2023 05:11

admire you for kicking her out! This happened to us in April as we were packing our house up for an international move just 2 days later. Someone kept messaging me to see me before we left country (not a good friend..just a casual acquaintance) I told her that I was sorry but I barely had time to spend with our kids. She showed up at our home. Home was completely in boxes and we were directing the moving company on what boxes for the shipping container. She stood in the middle of my living room with hands on hips and said..well if the mountain won't come to mohammad..mohammad will come to the mountain. My normally lovely husband told her to get out. That she was incredibly rude and we were busy as we told her. She then called our daughter crying..and needless to say she is now blocked

This is really sad

SurvivorsInc · 24/11/2023 02:04

People like this neighbour is why so many of us don't answer the door. Maybe those who find the not answering the door to be bizarre behaviour are the cheeky neighbours?

notlucreziaborgia · 24/11/2023 01:50

Radioshark · 23/11/2023 23:50

I think you were rude and if I were the neighbour I wouldn't have anything more to do with you.

Would count that as a win.

StockpotSoup · 24/11/2023 00:05

Radioshark · 23/11/2023 23:50

I think you were rude and if I were the neighbour I wouldn't have anything more to do with you.

You make that sound like a bad thing! OP would probably be delighted to never hear from this tactless old gasbag again!

Radioshark · 23/11/2023 23:50

I think you were rude and if I were the neighbour I wouldn't have anything more to do with you.

walkingintothefuture · 23/11/2023 17:30

It's quite interesting to study from a psychological point of view!

It is! I suspect these people latch on to those with people pleasing tendencies because they know full well they wont say no to them out of sheer politeness. The more assertive people will reinforce boundaries so they give up with them

RidingMyBike · 23/11/2023 14:51

Maybe there was more opportunity for them to bore the pants off other people in the past?

I once dropped some stuff off at church during a day's leave and found the flower arrangers there. It turned out they spent the entire day there, every week, with packed lunches, for a few small arrangements. What was really happening was two women sat down, drinking tea whilst another one talked at them for hours!

I declined to join.