To take my toddler to a psychologist

Your psychologist might see what your parenting style is like if you attend together, and so might be able to give some pointers, so it might be helpful.

Thought sister might be younger. Jealousy at the baby is also likely to be part of this subconsciously.

This is all completely normal but tiring

Moving snack time forward might help. Does she eat at nursery or come home and eat
is there a difference on nursery and home days does she nap there

over tired and over hungry are the biggest triggers for things (for everyone) and minimising those happening is always a good first step

If you aren’t successful at the 1pm nap remove it. Bring the snack foward to 1:30 then at 4:40/5 dinner. Start bedtime at 6:30 so when she hits the exhausted 7 she is settled. Currently she must be getting over tired and over hungry then wanting to sleep when full.

My therapist is also qualified in child psychology

What qualification? Do they have a
doctorate in educational psychology or did they do a psychology degree?

Talking to someone else might give you a different perspective on this, I guess.

That is a late dinner and 3.5 hours between food. A 6pm dinner means she needs 1.5 to 2 hours really to digest to not impact on sleep. Are you taking her straight up after food

how long is she at nursery

And is sister younger or older?

That was about the age we implemented a marble jar. We day with DS and Alex him what he thought were nice ways to behave/good things for people to do, he came up with being helpful, using listening ears, having kind hands etc (lots of nursery language) we then suggested a few getting dressed nicely for bed, brushing teeth n nicely with mummy/daddy etc since have dropped off been added over the years depending on behavioural changes. He gets marbles for good behaviours, now it's things like getting himself dressed for school etc. When the jar is full he gets a small treat, it might be a book, or a ne colour of.playdough or a hot wheels car. This generally happens about once a month. He can also lose marbles but after a few times the reminder that if a behaviour continues he will lose marbles , is enough. The big jar sits on top of his wardrobe in his bedroom so it's a very visual reminder. He will actually come to me when I'm cleaning/cooking etc and say mummy is there anything I can do to be helpful?
He is a very headstrong child

And also schedule away time for yourself so you get a break. Eg if you've been looking after child all day then partner does bedtime and you go out for a walk/swim/yoga/supermarket. And then vice versa

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If honestly sounds completely normal OP. I've had three children, all very different personalities. Some children are just more testing than others at a young age, it doesn't mean it'll stay that way.

She doesn't want to go to bed? That's is SO normal! And hitting can be too.

It doesn't hurt to keep an eye on it, but I really don't think it warrants a therapist.

Also - if you take your child to a therapist, make sure they're qualified to support paediatrics (children).

Exactly. It’s a push back because, as some see it, children are brats who need forcing into line.

No one approach works all of the time. I don’t think I have a ‘style’ as such and I have no issue being firm when I need to, but what I do find is that a lot of the time on here someone struggling with a toddler is just told something unhelpful like ‘you PARENT them’ without acknowledging that parenting is really hard! Or, there is currently a lot of advice about strapping unwilling children into pushchairs to force them into compliance. Obviously sometimes you have to but it isn’t what I’d call a parenting strategy as such, it’s just forcing a child into a pushchair.

Toddlers are tough going and can be very defiant and stubborn. It’s easy to think everyone else’s is compliant and easy and they aren’t, and you panic and think you’re doing something awfully wrong. Impulse control is very poorly developed with toddlers and many don’t get it until close to 3. So some behaviour is literally like disciplining a baby for crying or wanting a night feed, they can’t help it.

My point here isn’t that any one approach is right or wrong but just that toddlers are hard and one thing won’t ‘change’ then. It just gets easier, gradually

This.

Parent of a spirited head atrong toddler here. Hitting is a phase. Shes over it mostly. Children at this age don't have impulse control. So anger often takes hold.

It sounds to me like you need some strategies to parent and parent with connection. Threatening a 2 year old whether you follow through or not is just creating a barrier between the two of you. Why are you threatening her? Because shes over tired and can't control her emotions fully and is acting in an age normative way? Imagine how you'd feel in that position.

Have the therapy. But have it for you. Learn strategies to de-esculate the situation when dealing with meltdowns. Consider altering bedtimes and sleep routines too, look. For support if you need it. Maybe 7 too late with no nap. Also why are you leaving the room? How long does she take to drop off with you there? If not long i'd just lay with her, shes only 2. You may also find if you can deal with the connection the sleep improves. Looking at it logically a child who feels unnconected to their caregiver and unloved is going to cling on more tightly. If shes feeling emotionally secure she may be happier to be left.

The other thing with a headstrong child is to give them lots of controlled choices and remove the chance to say no.

Eg. Put on your coat. Child says no.

Coat or shoes on first? Gives child choice.

It's absolutely exhausting and frustrating to do but will help

None of that sounds terribly unusual for 2.5. They really can be terrors.

We also had terrible bedtimes at about that age, a groclock and sticker chart helped enormously with the getting ready. Would you not just stay with her til she's asleep? Both of ours needed that at that age.

Have you read this? Some great strategies in there. Also the Whole Brain Child is great.

Also don’t see any harm in seeing a psychologist. Everyone could benefit from one imo.

A consistent routine doesn’t mean it is the right one and it sounds as if it isn’t if it is causing these issues. What are her wake and sleep ties, I know she doesn’t nap either and food times

it really depends on how you ask the question op
can you walk downstairs?
rather than come here
works better
be positive

no is a top word for a 2 year old op
then "why" when she is a bit older

someone needs to point you in the right direction op, which i hope the psychologist will do
otherwise do the nursery have any suggestions?

The 'push back' against gentle parenting has most likely come about as the result of actually seeing & experiencing the behavior of the little treasures that have walked all over their parents/teachers/other caregivers as they have got older and lived a life of unlimited boundaries.
You can set boundaries and expectations for behavior from a very young age, discipline is not a form of cruelty!!
@Whyisitsosohard toddlers push buttons, its what they do! If you feel you would benefit from taking your child for a session then do it. Personally I wouldn't bother, if nothing changes by 3.5 years I would then consider my options.
For now I would make sure things are consistent and follow the same routine daily (even at weekends for a while). Wake up at the same time, meals at the same time, bath and bed at the same time etc. Take everything back to basics and see if that helps her settle.