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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sister has started shoplifting

138 replies

Ahhifollowifollowyoudeepseababy · 16/11/2023 19:58

She says it happened by accident at first, her young dc was in the front of the shopping trolley, her large bag in the actual trolley. Some items forgotten under the bag as she went through the cashier bit, loading the other things and rushing about, trying to pack and stop her dc from messing about/facing a tantrum. She says she realised afterwards that there were items under her bag, she said this happened a couple of times and now she can’t help but casually now put some things under the bag, face creams, meat etc. She’s a professional, degree educated early 40’s woman, they are ok financially but finding things harder. What will happen to her if caught? Why can’t she seem to stop now? She’s never been in trouble for anything in her life, it’s very out of character for her. She claims if caught, she’ll say it’s by accident and she didn’t realise when sorting her dc out.

OP posts:
BlueGrey1 · 16/11/2023 23:18

Of course don’t report her, we know you are just trying to help her and understand why she is doing this.
You sound like you have a very good relationship with your sister and it is wonderful that you are reaching out to get advice

jemenfous37 · 16/11/2023 23:15

Tbh, I wouldn’t report other shoplifters, so I’m definitely not reporting my sister, I would find it very odd that you’d report yours/a family member...

Wow, this is one major why prices are rising, and criminals act with impunity.
Why do you find it odd that most sensible citizens would report a crime?
Let's hope you are never a victim of a crime where witnesses won't bother to report.

DaughterNo2 · 16/11/2023 23:11

whatevss · 16/11/2023 20:07

Nothing will happen if she gets caught. She'll say it was an accident, then she'll go back through the till to pay for them.

Utter rubbish!

Original poster
Ahhifollowifollowyoudeepseababy · 16/11/2023 23:11

@CubaLibre23 But do you think she has mental issues? This is what is worrying me

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 16/11/2023 23:10

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/11/2023 20:25

Apparently it's a big thing among middle aged middle class women for a cheap
Thrill. So odd.

If she claims she didn't t notice it was under her bag they can go and look at the cctv and. Disprove her. She should be v careful

I've never heard of that. She's a thief.

ThinWomansBrain · 16/11/2023 23:09

she might think she's saving money now, but if she's caught and it goes to court, she could lose her professional job for bringing her employer into disrepute - she'd feel the squeeze then presumably.

A few years ago I got to a supermarket carpark and found a small bar of chocolate I'd missed in the trolley. I was on holiday, so not a supermarket I go to often, but still feel guilty if I drive past.

I was perimenopausal - but no way did I think that gave me carte blanche to keep on doing it.

Hotchocolatemousse · 16/11/2023 23:09

If she's in a professional job, could she lose her job if she's caught and prosecuted? This is what I'd be worried about if it was my sister doing this. Could you talk to her about the huge risk she's taking?

Original poster
Ahhifollowifollowyoudeepseababy · 16/11/2023 23:09

@jemenfous37 Tbh, I wouldn’t report other shoplifters, so I’m definitely not reporting my sister, I would find it very odd that you’d report yours/a family member

OP posts:
Ethylred · 16/11/2023 23:09

She's a professional... She won't be after a conviction for theft.

jemenfous37 · 16/11/2023 23:04

Honestly, would you not report other people undertaking ciminal activities, or does your no reporting rule only apply to your family members?

Boomboom22 · 16/11/2023 22:58

Considering police and security do nothing I'd guess nothing. On the other hand maybe as an easy target she'd be charged instead of the violent thugs noone wants to challenge.

CubaLibre23 · 16/11/2023 22:58

Tell her they might build up info on her and she won't be able to say it was a one off accident/forgetfulness

CubaLibre23 · 16/11/2023 22:57

I'd see if there's some mental health support/counselling that could help her.

Through gp or privately if they can afford it.

She needs to understand the adrenaline and dopamine rushes too. They could be compulsive/addictive.

Original poster
Ahhifollowifollowyoudeepseababy · 16/11/2023 22:38

@erikbloodaxe Taking orders for what?

OP posts:
jemenfous37 · 16/11/2023 22:28

@Sunday12 Do you condone crime then?
Should any crime remain unreported? Will you not be screaming for the police if you or a member of your family is a victim of crime?
Ridiculous

OhComeOnFFS · 16/11/2023 22:27

There's an Asda near me and a couple of times I've seen security stop someone at the till and walk them through the store to the offices. Everyone knows what's going on when that happens. Ask her how she'd feel if there were people she knew in the store when she was being marched to the offices. It would be really humiliating.

AdoraBell · 16/11/2023 22:27

Definitely don’t go to shops with her as WhoWants2Know suggests.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 16/11/2023 22:21

caringcarer · 16/11/2023 21:46

Talk to her and make her see she'll get caught and have to face the embarrassment and shame of people knowing she's a thief. Stores often don't approach a thief. They just keep the CCTV film until they have enough film to show this is her habitual behaviour when shopping in their store. Then they'll prosecute. She could end up arrested by police and charged if there is enough evidence and a court appearance. She'll be banned from using their store.

Does this actually happen? It would mean someone watching the cctv, and coincidentally choosing to watch her, track her round the shop putting things into the trolley and then unloading them onto the belt, and spotting that she'd left an item under her bags in the bottom of the trolley.

I've never stolen anything but this makes me paranoid, and like I want to really obviously and clearly scan every item with the handheld scanner. Like "look at me! I'm scanning the packet!" in case on some cctv it looks like I've not scanned something.

erikbloodaxe · 16/11/2023 22:17

Is she taking orders?

Gingerkittykat · 16/11/2023 22:17

I've read on other threads that shopkeepers are frustrated that the police do not come out to shoplifting incidents any more.

It's definitely true that the store can build evidence of her repeatedly shoplifting, they have CCTV of all of the aisles so might have picked her up on that already.

WhoWants2Know · 16/11/2023 22:02

Don't go shopping with her.

Grimupnorth442 · 16/11/2023 21:54

When people say they can't stop, they can they just don't want to. All they have to do is take the shopping to the till pay and leave.....not hard. People need to stop making excuses and blaming any stage if menopause. I'm menopausal and don't go round nicking things. We shouldn't be making excuses for poor behaviour.

caringcarer · 16/11/2023 21:47

If you are shopping with her suspicion will be on you too. Don't shop with her.

caringcarer · 16/11/2023 21:46

Talk to her and make her see she'll get caught and have to face the embarrassment and shame of people knowing she's a thief. Stores often don't approach a thief. They just keep the CCTV film until they have enough film to show this is her habitual behaviour when shopping in their store. Then they'll prosecute. She could end up arrested by police and charged if there is enough evidence and a court appearance. She'll be banned from using their store.

Passepartoute · 16/11/2023 21:34

Ask her if she's prepared to accept the risk of losing her job and her career. Money will be more than tight in that event.

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