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AIBU?

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Original poster

Child hitting my child at school

220 replies

ShepherdMoons · 16/11/2023 19:49

Youngest dd has two new children in her class. Both have ASD and should be in specialist provision but the school has a new unit and is part of a new programme to help children with special needs be in a mainstream classroom. They spend an hour in the unit each day and then they are in the classroom for the day.

I totally appreciate that both children have many challenges and it must be very hard for them too but my child is coming home each day saying that X has hit her hard on her back, been kicked, pushed. Each day I have been to the teacher as my child is getting more distressed and frightened. The teacher has been putting more measures in place to help the boys but I have also a meeting with the Head tomorrow to voice my concerns.

Today one of the boys kicked the dinner lady and will spend time in the unit for this but then he will inevitably be back in the classroom next week. This is also disruptive to the children learning as there is more noise and general disruption due to them struggling to concentrate. AIBU to consider moving my dd out of this school?

OP posts:
TomeTome · 16/11/2023 20:26

Disabled children ARE mainstream children, part of society, part of life.

modgepodge · 16/11/2023 20:25

As a teacher who has had to deal with children like this, please keep complaining to the head, every single time she is hurt. There is a lack of funding for proper support for such pupils, and the more parents complain the more ammunition the school have to get extra support. It doesn’t sound like the support base is working well if they’re in there for such a short time period each day and they’re regularly violent when returning to the mainstream classroom.

TomeTome · 16/11/2023 20:25

The dinner lady shouldn’t have been gossiping about a school child especially a disabled school child

greengreengrass25 · 16/11/2023 20:24

It's absolutely awful

So sorry for your Dd and that poor dinner lady.

Prinnny · 16/11/2023 20:23

Your poor daughter! I would 100% move her, she shouldn’t be scared at school, I wouldn’t want my child going to a school with that kind of set up.

Original poster
ShepherdMoons · 16/11/2023 20:23

I have also seen the boy hitting and kicking his mother when she collects him from school She told me that afterwards he is sorry and kisses her all over and dotes on her. It just sounds horrifying.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShepherdMoons · 16/11/2023 20:22

@greengreengrass25 I was shocked. She was almost annoyed that the dinner lady had been upset and had taken against being kicked so came out with that comment that her son 'should have kicked her harder'. Where do you go with an attitude like that? If my dd had kicked anyone I'd be appalled and would feel distraught.

OP posts:
greengreengrass25 · 16/11/2023 20:20

ShepherdMoons · 16/11/2023 20:17

The boy's mum (the boy who kicked the dinnerlady) said he'd done this because he was frustrated that she wouldn't get some equipment out of the shed for him. She said he can't control his behaviour and sort of justified it by saying his needs aren't being met. My dd's 'needs' are not being met but she's not entitled to hit or kick others. The boy's mother even jokingly said 'he should have kicked her harder' which I find appalling.

How awful of the mother

Pixiedust49 · 16/11/2023 20:19

LuvSmallDogs · 16/11/2023 20:14

Well that's not exactly true, is it? My middle child attends an autism wing in a school with mainstream classes and the autism wing classes + mainstream classes are considered to be one school, but he doesn't attend any mainstream classes.

Show quote history

There is no provision for that in the county I’m in unfortunately. My child is struggling hugely in mainstream and there is nowhere else for her to go.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 16/11/2023 20:19

YANBU.

In my experience having taught at a lot of different schools, all schools have difficult kids and the potential issues balancing everyone's needs.

However, the worse schools are the ones who are unable to actually keep everyone safe 99% of the time. It's not unrealistic to expect the school to keep your child safe. If this bright idea was being managed properly with a strong leadership team, your daughter would not be suffering.

I can tell they're not managing it properly because they've put that child back in the unit for kicking a dinner lady but not for harming your precious child. I've worked in schools where they exclude kids for hurting staff but not each other. It's a chaotic, messy environment where the child victims learn they are not important enough to be protected and that they cannot trust adults to help them when they need it.

I would move your daughter if you can.

afternoontea86 · 16/11/2023 20:18

ShepherdMoons · 16/11/2023 20:13

@Neodymium we have also considered a private school as it seems to be more common in state schools to have little support and more children will needs. It's hard on everyone as the teachers are clearly struggling to cope, the poor dinnerladies are scared too. The dinner lady at dd's school was really (understandably) upset by what happened in the playground.

My DC are at a private school and have never experienced this kind of behaviour in the classroom. There are challenging children, there will be in any school, but I think that they definitely receive a lot more support. Smaller class sizes definitely help, only 18 in DC year 1 class.

Overthebow · 16/11/2023 20:17

Speak to the head and ask what is being done to safeguard your DC against being attacked. They should be able to go to school without being hit and it is not acceptable, make that clear. If nothing is done then take it further.

Original poster
ShepherdMoons · 16/11/2023 20:17

The boy's mum (the boy who kicked the dinnerlady) said he'd done this because he was frustrated that she wouldn't get some equipment out of the shed for him. She said he can't control his behaviour and sort of justified it by saying his needs aren't being met. My dd's 'needs' are not being met but she's not entitled to hit or kick others. The boy's mother even jokingly said 'he should have kicked her harder' which I find appalling.

OP posts:
LuvSmallDogs · 16/11/2023 20:14

Pixiedust49 · 16/11/2023 19:56

I’m in Wales so could be different but inclusion policy means that all children are in mainstream education here. Therefore all schools will be similar.

Well that's not exactly true, is it? My middle child attends an autism wing in a school with mainstream classes and the autism wing classes + mainstream classes are considered to be one school, but he doesn't attend any mainstream classes.

Original poster
ShepherdMoons · 16/11/2023 20:13

@Neodymium we have also considered a private school as it seems to be more common in state schools to have little support and more children will needs. It's hard on everyone as the teachers are clearly struggling to cope, the poor dinnerladies are scared too. The dinner lady at dd's school was really (understandably) upset by what happened in the playground.

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 16/11/2023 20:13

What would happen at the next school, can you endlessly move?

Lilacdressinggown · 16/11/2023 20:11

It’s pretty much the case in every school I’ve worked in OP. You might find you are out of the frying pan and into the fire if you move.

PurpleFlower1983 · 16/11/2023 20:09

YANBU but this is very common in mainstream now I’m afraid.

Neodymium · 16/11/2023 20:05

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Pixiedust49 · 16/11/2023 19:56

I’m in Wales so could be different but inclusion policy means that all children are in mainstream education here. Therefore all schools will be similar.

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