AIBU about being treated unfairly after maternity leave?

On my recent return from maternity leave, my flexible working request (four days a week), has been given a three month trial
period. Could you suggest this? I don’t think you’ve been given a fair chance yet. Good luck OP x

It's really hard working part time in a senior role in a fast paced environment. It sounds like they could have been a bit more supportive but it's not necessarily discrimination or malice.

I think you need to be really proactive now. What mechanisms can you put in place to help you catch when you come back in after your non working days? Are there standalone projects that you can take on? How are you demonstrating that your role is effective in part time hours?

Would it help if you worked 4 days rather than 3 and could your DH drop a day? Is he pulling his weight?

It's tough being a working parent and if you are serious about your career then you might have to go the extra mile like logging into your emails in the evenings or at weekends to keep up with developments.

I don’t think you are being completely unreasonable. It’s sad that still a man and a woman can have a child but it is the woman’s career that is affected the majority of the time. Have a look at https://pregnantthenscrewed.com/

Unfortunately, when you go back after mat leave, it's highly likely that your baby will be clingy with you, it's mother, as you have been the primary care provider whilst you've been on mat leave. It's a times like this when you have to remind yourself that they will be absolutely fine at home with their Dad and you go off to work. Every day your DH has off to look after an ill child is 20% of his week; every day you have off is 33%.
What is you working pattern? Are you doing three consecutive days? In my opinion, that's often the worse scenario for business continuity and being able to keep up and for dealing with illness. I used to do Mon, Tues & Thurs. That meant that, as long as the DC wasn't sick on the Sunday night or Monday (48hr rule), they usually only needed one day off nursery if they were ill. More importantly, I only ever missed one working day at a time so there was less need for colleagues to have to pick things up in my absence. I also kept an eye on my emails on my days off. Officially, I didn't need to but it meant I was up to speed when I next went back into the office. I also used to use the rule that, if it was only going to take a few minutes to reply to an email or make a call to a colleague and I had those minutes available and it would save a colleague a chunk of time, I would try and reply.
In a team adjacent to mine, two women recently came back from mat leave and are both doing three days a week. They do pretty similar roles. Before mat leave, person A was the weaker of the two. Since coming back, she's taken a similar approach to that which I did and is flying. Person B does three consecutive days, doesn't do any work outside of those times etc and is struggling. There's nothing wrong with Person B and it's not as if her line manager or any of us will criticise her for it but the two roles are diverging as one approach is more suited to a fast paced environment than the other.

She said she has been off four times, not four days. Each time could have been longer than a day.

So out of the 3 months you've been working 3 days a week and on average you're only doing 2 days a week for 1 of those months?

I can see why they raised it. Yes it's A/L but it's presumably short notice A/L which they might be helping you with as part of the return. In many jobs you'd be expected to give notice and have to take dependants leave for a day if you had to take it off at short notice.

My DH has also taken time off due to my child being unwell, my child has just been unwell a lot. I’ve taken a bit more of the time off as my child is very clingy with my when unwell and so I’ve wanted to care for him. But obviously to the detriment of my career

you know what the issues is. You've said it yourself. You are choosing to sacrifice your career by going part time and taking the majority of time off sick, rather than your husband’s. The consequence if that it you sacrifice your career.

They have

Your DH should be doing most the sick days on your return to work. You're already doing 3 days a week so have 2 days covered. He should be covering 2 of the days you're working when your child is sick and then the extra one should be split between you. Obviously some flexibility is required but for the first 3 months at least he should be doing as many of the sick days as possible. As an employer I would ask to see the comparison of how many sick days you've done vs how many he's done. It's not a legal obligation but if you can show he's done the majority it will go in your favour.

A bit late now but for all mothered returning to work - Your DH needs to do all the sick days for the first 6 months of your return to work so you can re- establish yourself. He’s already had the benefit of being able to progress his career over your mat leave.

You’re a team and you need to work together so that you can both keep your careers progressing. Think of it as a great opportunity for DH and DS to bond.

It's hard going back after maternity leave and readjusting, it sounds like work were supportive of this though and gave you a reduced workload to ease back in and offered the chance to explore the role being condensed into 3 days. Some roles simply need to be full time- is there a chance to explore some sort of job share arrangement or would this not work in your industry? I think if you'd have been content with the lower workload your last minute absences would have had less of an affect. I'd say try the new role and accept that balancing work is trickier with a child because it is. Your DH should take a lead on sick days so you have the chance to get settled in the role; the disruption not only serves to affect your delivery but also probably you getting back into the swing of things.

Also. Insist that your DH takes a fair share of caring. Let him deal with the clingy child to she gets used to him and becomes less so.

Actually quite disgusted by the percentage of people voting YABU.

If you get pushed out of your job in a few years time the same people will be slagging you off for being dependent on your DH!

I'd get in a union if you're not already in one. Call ACAS, have a look at pregnant then screwed and Maternity Action websites.

Absolutely the 10 years you've given to this place and your track record should count for something.

Kids get sick it's life. Work got the benefit of your child free years they can be flexible now.

And I bet your DH doesn't get the same treatment at his work when he has to care for DC. The attitude is anti mother and misogynist.

Good luck!

Well it is either annual or unpaid leave, you cannot expect to be paid to take time off to look after a child! It really makes no difference that it was annual leave, it was unscheduled and meant work didn’t get done. It is inconvenient and effects others adversely.

I think your employer has jumped the gun and moved you unreasonably quickly. If you’ve only been back three months, say 12 weeks x 3 days, and after the first few weeks you were under-worked, then you needed to take a few AL days during this period of transition, it seems very short-termist of them to move you to a different role. If you were previously successful, you must have been a valued team member, and now you are very quickly devalued, I’d be seeking a meeting to discuss your longterm prospects, and to identify supports necessary to help you. I’d do the whole ‘where do you see me in 3-5 years, and how do I get there with reasonable accommodations?’ approach. How long are you with the company? Play the long game, and insist they do too.

The illnesses in the first few weeks of nursery are totally predictable, but nobody warns you! It is so common I genuinely think it should be factored in to the first few weeks by default - companies should be forewarned, likewise parents, workloads set accordingly, and a bank of flexi-leave allocated to use for this purpose within the first month or two.

Obviously this doesn’t help you much now but I do agree with @Findinganewme that there are a few flags here and her advice is solid.

Good luck OP!

It's common knowledge kids get everything going the first winter they're in childcare. I do think they need to give you a chance to do better before taking you off and doing something else. Surely the meeting could have been a warning, then you could get DH to cover all illness for the next few months and get your feet back under the table.

Yup, sounds fair. Especially if his career isn’t as much in jeopardy as hers

Tbh I'd say he should be doing more. OP has already covered any potential sick days for the duration of her mat leave, and now she has taken a career step back sacrificing 40% of her pay and time at work to cover those days. So I'd say its only fair she covers 1/3 of the remaining 3 days she works and he covers 2/3.

This must be a really emotional and stressful time for you. I would suggest that you take a breather, pause…reevaluate from a practical perspective.

it is hard to return to any sort of work and reconnect with the ambitious person within you and with your work pace, whilst adding new motherhood to the mix. It’s a lot.

you asked for more / more involved work quite early on. I would focus on finding your feet again and building your momentum, before asking for sexy work, even if it feels like you are more than competent and you did it before. Nobody is saying that you can’t do it again. The point is that it’s probably a good idea to give yourself some grace and to me, it sounds like your workplace was trying to do just that; maybe they were giving you space and time to get settled again.

All of that said, your instincts are powerful and agree that there are some flags

1. only a week given to see if the new catch up plan works
2. raising your sickness days as a cause for concern
3. telling you that your role can no longer be done in 3 days
4. moving you to another role.

i would therefore consider getting a lawyer involved, if they map you to a role that has less than 70% match with your current role or if they change your terms, eg pay or banding.

Good Luck OP. I hope that one day, we read fewer posts like this, because surely there is more we can do for women returners.

DH needs to be doing an equal amount of sick days.

OP a somewhat similar story here.

I went back 4 days a week (previously 5 before DC1) and was given a different role same title. They gave all my interesting projects to my Mat leave cover (who has been FTC but made permanent and kept my role). I had been doing really well in my role prior to Mat leave. Loads of great feedback from directors. Good reviews. Met my KPIs.
when I came back I was treated like I’d had a lobotomy. People talking to me like I didn’t know the business despite being there a number of years before Mat leave.
i wasn’t given good projects, I was given admin and boring work only. It was heartbreaking. It was like all my years of working til 10pm, coming up with new initiatives etc counted for nothing.

after 10 months I couldn’t take it any more it wasn’t the job I loved. I felt sad lonely and pushed out. So I quit.

When I was in your position I didn't understand something which I have since learnt:
It is ok for your career to stand still for a bit, or even go a bit backwards, when you have young children
Trying to cope with a new baby and progress in your career at the same time will be really hard work - for both parents.
I know some people do it and that's up the them and that's fine. But I imagine it was stressful at times.
My DH and I both took a step back in our careers and went part time when our kids were very little. We managed things like illnesses with no problems at all. We didn't go on many holidays but with tiny kids they're more stress than they're worth anyway. Life was simple but idyllic.
Then when our youngest was two I got a promotion and was able to put a lot into it with the older ones at school. And my career took off again. All of the experience I had gained before I took a step back counted and I had mental capacity and time to give my new role everything I could. And I progressed after that.
It might not work that way for everyone and of course what you do is entirely up to you. But maybe give yourself a break? I'd stay with the company. It sounds like they are trying to make things easier for you as well as them.
Work doesn't need to be your priority right now if you don't want it to be. You've got a long career ahead of you. Good luck.

For whatever reason you are showing yourself as unreliable. They are not going to think of you in a positive way.

Doesn't seem unfair to me, especially since it seems like you had the choice to share time off when your child was ill with your DH but decided to take more of it.

At the end of the day, they still have a business to run and you weren't getting the work you asked for done in the allocated time.