What do I need to know or do before I get my 12 year old a phone?

We had a long chat about social media.
How whatever you put onto the internet or into the digital world is almost impossible to delete.
They need to understand,in the world today, something they could cause them huge issues in the future. Jobs, uni all sorts can be lost on a previous post or stance.

We had a rule they could have a certain social media app if they could properly justify the need for it. All my friends use it was not a good enough justification alone.

Their phone number is personal data. They need to be very,very careful who they share that with. Only trusted friends and they must be friends who will understand that they can't share their number without their consent.
I'd keep them off WhatsApp for as long as possible- their number is too easily shared and it's very easy for groups to be used for inappropriate messages and bullying.

My girls are 18&16 and still have very little social media presence by their own choice. They saw all the stuff others went through in their year groups and were happy to be out of it.

We were very happy for them to use us as the bad guys to their friends, 'poor me my parents are so strict'

No phones in room lasted as long as we could but they both listen to music to sleep now.

But as pp said, install screentime as you'd have no way of enforcing this.

Oh and phones are kept in our room overnight to charge, and both DDs know that I will check their phones periodically. They both have Spotify for music.

I have two DDs aged 12 and 15 and both got phones when they started secondary school. We use Family link for safety features, such as needing approval to download apps etc. They have whatsapp only. No tiktok, no snap chat, nothing else at all. All phones including mine are on silent when at home. That way they message friends when they want to, and don't feel pressured by constant beeps. We also set whatsapp to invite only where groups are concerned so that our DDs can't constantly get added to groups. In my experience, groups are where the problems start. Both my daughters are in groups but they are small and made up of their friends, not 30+ members of a form or whatever. Hope this helps!

DD(12) has a smart phone. DH and I control it through Family Link (the phone is Android). She doesn't have a browser on it, and we control which apps go on. She can only use it 7am - 9pm, and we can shut it down remotely at any time - very useful if her behaviour means no phone, as we don't have to physically remove it.

A fair fraction of her friends don't have smart phones at all, so she knows 'everyone else has...' won't wash with us

Agree with others - phone downstairs overnight. Avoid social media for as long as possibly. WhatsApp groups only very small (my son has a group of 3 he plays a particular computer game with) or not at all. Hard no to whole class groups or whole year groups.

Check the phone regularly.
Talk to them about porn. If you aren’t ready for conversations about porn, they aren’t ready for a phone imo.

Just make sure you check the device on a regular basis, my son is 14 but I still check his device weekly, I'm not a tik tok fan but unfortunately my son uses it but my personal opinion it's vile, just talk any inappropriate messages they can talk to you straight away, also check the phone for a vpn if you put restrictions on children know the ways around things

I personally love my girl having an iPhone as the family connection makes it easy to monitor what she's up to. For instance I've allowed snap chat for friends only but limit it to an hour a day so she's not on it constantly. I also schedule downtime at bedtime or if she's doing homework so she can't faff about on you tube while she's meant to be working. She has lots of wee fun apps she plays on but again as it's through me I have to approve it all! iPhone also offer additional protection from inappropriate photos coming through.

Not so much no apps, as no apps without your permission.
Social media is way more trouble than benefit for many at that age.

Are you thinking of getting an iPhone? If so then make sure you understand and use the parental controls. It's not perfect but it's pretty good. Set up screen time, age restrictions, find my phone, ask to buy etc etc BEFORE you give it to him. There is no need to battle with him over screen time if it's already set up.

If you make the effort to set it up correctly now it's much easier that trying to do it retrospectively.

Put all the parental controls on you can.

Explain the phone stays downstairs especially over night and that you will be checking it regularly.

No social media.

i agree with poster who said no WhatsApp groups (unless a family group that you are in). Groups at that age can include lots of kids who add friends of friends and can be rife for bullying and inappropriate content, not to mention so many posts it’s impossible to keep up and blocking people to be unkind. 1-1 WhatsApp rule avoids this.

My 12 year old had an old iPhone 7. She drops it occasionally so we buy replacement screen covers and so far so good. She’s even said there’s no point getting a better phone as she drops it so often 🙄

Find my iPhone app is v useful. We use it all the time.

The phone stays downstairs at bedtime on charge; I did this with her older brother and had no issues; my sister didn’t, then had major issues with her 14 year old wanting it in bed. So I’d get in there quick and insist phones downstairs at bedtime.

She uses text, the odd call ( to me/family/friends) and WhatsApp. I know her pin and periodically she knows I might look through it. No issues so far.

I have said no to tictock- I suspect she would become v v addicted to this. Apparently all her friends have it but to be honest, she hardly mentions it so isn’t really bothered.

So far this approach is stress free. The novelty has 100% worn off and she uses it like I do. I only know to do this cos I made big mistakes with her older brother, witnessed my sister doing the same, then realised I wasn’t doing it again!

I am on three and my daughter hasa phone contract linked to mine. I have to approve all apps and I can't track her location and her screen time use etc ...

Put a cover on it and make him promise to never take it off. Not necessarily a screen protector but a cover. Any cover that covers the corners will give it some protection against drop damage.

Explain to him that phone calls cost money. Seems obvious to us but mine didn't realise because everything else on the phone warns you before it incurs charges.

Google family link is the Android parental control app. It's easier to do parental controls if you stick with what you've got (apple vs Android)

Make it part of the deal that you have parental control and exactly what that means. Decide if you want them to use snap chat etc (I wouldn’t personally at this age) but make this clear in advance.

iPhone parental controls- he’s on “Do not disturb” 8.30am- 4pm weekdays, 8.30pm to 7.30am always. Only exceptions are me and DH. Screen time locks that he can’t override.
Apps all approved by you and no in app purchases.
Spotify family plan is very popular- he loves listening to music which seems harmless.

Sort out usage rules.
Far far easier to relax rules gradually than impose them later.
At minimum I'd suggest:

• out of room and downstairs overnight
• you can check at random without notice
• no apps to be downloaded without your permission

• off X hour/minutes before bed
• not at meals
• off while homework is being done
• must stay sociable
• no underage apps
• payg, paid for from pocket money

I would just ban social media- tictoc, insta etc. If you allow WhatsApp then no groups. One to one chats only. You reserve the right to check their phone messages and history and do it regularly.
DS is 11 and just texts a few friends- it’s fine so far.

If you allow them any apps like TikTok or instagram, you need to set them up for them to ensure the privacy settings are appropriate.

That the average age of viewing pornography is 11. Also, as a result, boys need to be directly taught that it is NOT NORMAL to hassle girls for photos. Girls need to be taught early to go for help when someone asks for them, as they are requesting underage pornography, which is illegal. People want to know where their kids are all the time, but it is the camera and instant messaging apps that cause all the problems.

As above Life360 is a great free app.