Catered for 8 and no one showed up

OP, it’s a shit trick and you are totally not unreasonable to be annoyed.

But I’m just going to share my own story here. I had a not dissimilar thing once for my birthday. I’d booked afternoon tea. The place I’d chosen had payment dependent on how many people showed up so I paid for twelve, the day before my birthday excuses started rolling in and by the day I was left with three

I was so hurt (and embarrassed!) and I posted here. This is some 10 years ago and it was on the old chat so the thread has gone but I had replies about billing my friends then blocking them and I did. Not the bill but I did a big Facebook cull (childish but you know …) and sat back feeling righted and waited for my new ‘real’ friends to come.

They didn’t. It’s taken me a long time to realise but people are notoriously shit with stuff like that. I never book or pay for anything reliant on numbers now because I know what people are like and a lot of the time - yeah, it’s really rude and it’s wrong but people are lazy and thoughtless rather than horrible or bad friends.

I spent my 30s very lonely as I’d pushed people away, some of whom I’d known since university. I’ve come to realise friends are a bit superficial in most cases and they are great to spend time with but they aren’t ever going to be perfect so to speak.

I’m not saying you personally would block and hill but that’s the consensus on here and sometimes MN does get carried away as they aren’t the ones who have to live with the consequences of the actions.

OP, when somebody took it upon themselves to cancel, why on earth didn't you say something then? That was the time to tell them how much you had spent. When you were buying to order, was it understood that they would be splitting the cost or did they all assume you were treating them? If it hadn't been agreed in advance that costs would be split, I don't think you can really ask for money now. I agree with a PP who said to tell them exactly what you have spent (because you bought what they asked for) but don't ask them for money. If anyone is half decent, they'll offer. If they don't, then you know they're worth nothing as friends. There are lots of awful people in the world and you seem to know a fair few of them. Leaving behind people like this is incredibly freeing, believe me. Don't clutter up your life.

You eat out every night?

send them the food costs and next time just give them all takeaway menus for the local indian/chinese restaurant and order in. That way, if they don't show it hasn't cost you a penny.

Could you have said to the ones who could make it, let’s still go ahead as I’ve got the food in ready and it would be great to see you.

I think I would have played it lighthearted but made it clear the impact of their decision. Something like "no problem. Lets leave it few weeks as the fridge is full and I need to use all the food up. Someone else will need to host as I cant face another fortnight of sausages if we need to cancel gain!"

Why didn't you say 'Come on everyone I've bought all the food so let's go ahead and we won't make it a late one'?

That's really shitty and there's no way I'd be offering to host again. If asked I'd say why as well.
This is honestly why I don't really have friends anymore. I have people I will chat with but keep everyone at a distance. I've NEVER had a friend group that isn't a disappointment. It's much easier to just not bother! Really sad but I'm happier for it.

YANBU

Its one thing if you are sick or your child is, then it’s fair though to cancel.

But to give the excuse that you are tired or have had a long week is such a slap in the face!

There was a thread on here a couple of weeks ago about a woman wanting to cancel last minute on her friends hen do as she was tired and I was shocked by how many posters told her to cancel (fortunately many other posters told her not to).

I wouldn’t bother contacting them again.
If they contact you and arrange a meet up and you decide you want to see them again, tell them you won’t be hosting.

Did they pay you for all of the food you bought?

I wonder if they would have been so quick to cancel if they had paid a deposit for a pub meal.

Get real guys no one is gonna stump up money for food they didn’t eat. Take this on the chin, block and don’t bother with them. Maybe those people introduced partners didn’t ask the partners if they wanted to go. Anyways clearly you are not a priority to them. Does it matter to you ?

Oh, and I am pretty close with my nieces and nephews. Never once have I had to cancel my plans because my brother's child was ill!

I am flabbergasted that they had the gall to give such lame excuses. Presumably these are people in their 20s? They can't manage a weekend social life because their job has made them a bit tired?! Honestly, I despair.

What did you reply to the messages? The normal response would be to tell them that you've bought lots of food.

That's horrible but the food doesn't need to be wasted. Eat the sushi over the next day or two (it will be absolutely fine for that time period, it will also freeze but might not be as nice when defrosted) and freeze the brisket and seafood.

But it sounds like these people aren't really your friends and are also very selfish and entitled, dictating the menu when someone else is hosting and then also hiding behind Whatsapp when deciding to cancel, they should have at least phoned and explained in person.

Unless you really want to maintain a relationship with these people, it's probably best to let the friendship die a death, but if anyone ever suggests a similar event in the future, you should speak up and make it clear how badly they treat you last time and how upsetting it was.

I feel bad for you but try to learn from it. Genuine friends are few and far between.
There is a tendency to class anyone who also attends a place like university, a pub etc as a friend.

You've learnt this is not true.
Nowadays I just class most people as acquaintances, pleasant company but I don't expect them to have my back.
It's shared values that make a friendship not circumstances like going to same drinking den etc.

Wow, that's an awful thing to do to you! And a "niece being sick?!" What kind of lame, made-up excuse is that??! Unless your friend happens to be the legal guardian of her sibling's kids, how would some niece being sick curtail her dinner plans?
As others have said, these friends need to reimburse you for all the food you bought!!

That’s so, so shit and I’d be so upset, and angry! Their excuses are all absolutely pathetic too, flaky dickheads.

Yanbu to be raging but lesson learned that this isn't a reliable group.
How much of the food cam just be bunged in the freezer and how much is actually going to waste? It wouldn't be unreasonable to send something to the group saying "Sorry about all the unwellness/exhaustion, hope everyone is feeling better today after a more restful weekend. Hope we can find another date soon. Meanwhile I am about £40 out of pocket for food that won't freeze, won't keep and I can't get through solo so it will go to waste. Can you each ping me a fiver per head to 12345678 s/c 12-34-56 to share the pain?"

Not one of them had a valid reason for not being there. I am so sorry OP. They are horrible flaky shits and I would drop them like hot bricks. I'd be devastated too, and you must send them a message and let them know.

That is so shitty of them. Cancelling because they are tired?! A long week at work?! They aren't even decent excuses. I can understand the sick neice one if she is really sick, like in hospital or something.

Definitely point out how much you spent although sounds like they aren't exactly considerate people so the chances of them paying up are probably slim.