Catered for 8 and no one showed up

Oh, that's horrible.

Please put it behind you and don't offer to fmdo it again. It's not a reflection on you but a reflection of them 😰

This is the norm for people, especially these days. It’s easy to block but the next group will probably be the same too

Sadly my experience too. DH says oh try xyz to make new friends - I say what's the point, I dont want new friends, I just give up!

I mean just send the total cost of the good, that they’ve seen you’ve purchased, and divvy it up to how much each person/couple owes. Done.

You are totally justified in being annoyed but I'd disregard the over-reactions. Its November, people are tired and cold (unless you are in Oz based on the bbq comment!) and people are allowed to feel unwell or exhausted. Nothing to say they don't like you ... enjoy the leftovers and let someone else host next time :)

That's horrible OP.
It may be time to leave this friendship behind - they have been very disrespectful of your time, money and effort.

I think I'd have said "Er, guys, it's too late to cancel, I've bought the food now as you know. I don't have the freezer space and don't want to spend the rest of the week eating expensive party food instead of my usual groceries so you need to get your arses in gear and come over."

Too late now though

I hope OP ignores daft advice like this. And all the other bill 'em and bin 'em comments.

They've been friends for several years so presumably most of the time plans don't fall through.

Hopefully this is a one off.

Good friends are hard to find, OP.

You can tell everyone in this fiasco is childless and has 0 sense of accountability.
Childish and inconsiderate behaviour from the whole 'friend' group.

OP you learned from this now, please tell them to shove their sushi up their arses.

Honestly this should not be the new norm. Grown adults acting as if the world will always cater to them and there are no consequences for their choices ...

I would have went ballistic.

Utter bastards.

Yeh send them a bill, I'm so sorry for you.

I'm just over twice your age, I think, and am puzzled that this shared celebration wasn't more shared from the start - you suggested a restaurant in the first place, how did you end up not only agreeing to host at your home but paying for that food upfront, and did you/were you expected to do all the prep as well?

I think you should ask them to pay their share, and unless one or more of them wants to come and get some of the food, do you have organisations which collect/take donations and redistribute left over food for homeless people etc? I London I know people who do this with left over picnic food at events that have happened. You can tell your friends from student days that you are at least planning to do this with food that you don't now have a use for.

I think that asking for a share of the cost, at least at your age, is reasonable, and if they don't agree, then hopefully you can find a new social circle. If they do cough up and there are future plans for another celebration, make it either a restaurant or at least a shared commitment that you don't host, and/or that the host isn't expected to shop and cater and foot the bill all at once, that preparations are shared (that might make the restaurant booking more attractive!)

I would be absolutely fuming if I’d gone to so much trouble especially buying the food. I’m interested in why you didn’t voice your opinion and costs in the group chat. Maybe they would have reconsidered if they knew how much trouble you went to. I know I would if it was my friend. But then again I wouldn’t be shitty and cancel last minute unless it was something urgent or unavoidable. Seems like you need to find new friends…

What a wonderful group if friends you have. I wouldn’t bother with them.

Did they pay for the food?

Never offer to host again or arrange things with this group

The venn diagram of people who are flaky and those who rarely organise anything is a pretty neat circle. If you expand the diagram to include people who are more needy and prescriptive, you still have a neat circle.

I got to the point of quietly phasing out some flaky, non-organising friends by just ceasing to invite them. It didn't take long for contact to fade off, and I found I didn't miss them as any meet-ups were always clouded by the doubt of whether they'd turn up or not.

Pathetic. I once had a Christmas gathering, not many but 8 or so and all said they'd come. They knew it was small. None showed up for one reason or another for fairly flimsy reasons.
This has happened at other times. I used to organise the Christmas meals out for a group of school volunteers. The only time I got all the people to show up was to tell them they had to pay in advance. I mean I don't want to force people to come out, but everyone is enthusiastic about it as long as someone else is organising it. Then they feel 'too tired' or 'something has come up' or 'feel a bit if a cold coming on'. Bull. If you don't want to come fine, but say so before I organise it all.

It's really hard to find better friends though. Everybody seems to cancel thoughtlessly these days. In my experience.

The saying about princes and frogs comes to mind. IME for every 10 friends you have at one time, perhaps 1 or 2 will prove reliable. Fewer if you move areas a lot. It’s nothing personal, just basic probability.

The other object lesson in this thread is about over-investing in friendships or friendship groups. I learned very early in life, thanks to disappointing childhood birthday parties, not to try too hard when hosting as an adult. We save the barbecues and dinner parties for family and close family friends only, and stick to pubs, takeaways and Costa for wider social circles. Or if more is called for, deposits for a restaurant booking, which tends to concentrate the minds of the flaky and superficial.

Freeze it and eat it yourself

You're right.

I mis-read - I stand corrected.

It's really annoying when one person cancels and the others follow suit... it happens alot!
Your situation is alot worse with food waste and expense though.
Would they pay at least £5 per head like someone else suggested?

I’ve never had an açai bowl and just googled. I’ve love one. I’m going to make some. I’ll look for a place that serves it near me too 😍

The poster wasn’t saying she should stump up

but being realistic that they’re thoughtless twats and unlikely to transfer money

so the poster is saying block and move on

Get real guys no one is gonna stump up money for food they didn’t eat.

It was their choice not to go and to eat it.

Why should OP have to stump up for food she doesn't want and wouldn't otherwise have bought? Would you want to subsidise 7 other people?

I'd be tempted to post them all a bit of the sushi.
In the slowest postal service you have.

I vote YABU... ONLY because you should straight up tell THEM not mumsnet that cancelling is no longer an option because money has been spent.

Yes I get why you are annoyed, they are rude but you need to tell them that this has cost you money so they either show up as planned or pay their share or know that you will NOT be hosting them ever again.

Have you suggested that they come and collect their share of "the rest"?

They're bliddy cheeky!