Son having sex: Everyone has an opinion that I didn’t ask for

I can't think of a single reason why I'd be discussing my DSs sex life with my friends unless I wanted their advice because something worried me (being irresponsible, worried about someone being exploited for example) Perhaps your friends assumed you were the same and wanted their advice rather than the somewhat unusual act of telling them for no apparant reason.

The part were you had an adult discussion with your son is fine. He’s using conforms so obviously sensible.
Telling your friends so they can smirk, make jokes about it is not on. Hope your son doesn’t find out.

You did thro right thing discussing it with him, and the wrong thing discussing it with your friends. Don’t mention it again and move on.

An adult child having sex is not a parenting dilemma

Your poor son

I was mortified when my mum went round telling everyone I’d had sex, contributed to the reason I dont talk to her now. Your son is an adult and being safe, respect his damn privacy and stop telling anyone who will listen his personal information. Absolutely disgusting.

He’s an adult, it’s no one’s business. And he’d have sex elsewhere if you didn’t allow it at home, and it’s better off being somewhere safe and private.

Talked! Not taped 🤦🏻‍♀️

My daughter would be horrified if I taped about her sexual life and she's 19.
Don't discuss his private business with your friends

It’s completely up to you if you have his gf over to stay.

I think you’re doing it right.

You’re letting her stay, not naive enough to think they’re not having sex and you are reminding him about safe sex and not having a baby at his age.

I’m not at that stage yet but I think you’re doing a great job and I plan to be the same.

If you discuss it with friends you need to be prepared for them to tell you that they don’t agree.

Their kids of the same age will be having sex but they’ll be much more sneakier and less likely to have had the safe sex chat.

Why her parents? She is an adult.

Ok yes it's your house and you don't want any random people staying over. She is 19 so why does she need her parents permission.

We need to stop babying adults.

He's an adult, there's nothing shocking about him having sex that you need to discuss with your friends. I'd expect someone that age that had a partner staying overnight to be having sex. If you don't like their responses then don't tell them personal information about your son. And in future don't go looking round his room for evidence. I had a mother that was incredibly intrusive in my sexual life as a young person and it has damaged our relationship.

Ugh. How intrusive.

Had this same dilemma myself - and I allowed my 19 year olds girlfriend to stay the night (so long as her own parents were in agreement too). I'm an older parent and there's no way my own parents would have allowed this. But, times have moved on and son/gf are both lovely, sensible adults - I figured that it was going to happen anyhow -so may as well be somewhere I know they're safe and happy. I would never discuss this with any of my friends as people can be too judgmental- every single situation is different. Don't let anyone make you feel irresponsible if the situation is correct for your own family.

You are my horror parent. My mum knows so much about her friends adult children and she tells me all the details. Awful.

what is the dilemma? And adult man is having consensual sex. Perfectly healthy. And none of your business.

Our sons were allowed to have their long term girlfriends to stay but not bring home randoms

Well you have opinions your son didn’t ask for!

You should have had a discussion about sleeping arrangements with your son and laid out any boundaries/ compromises. Why have you not done so and then gone off gossiping about his sex life with your mates? You're both adults. Have some respect and some backbone.

He doesn't need your permission to have sex.
He's being responsible with contraception.
You shouldn't have discussed this with your friends.
Your son is a grown man. If he needs advice about his relationship he'll come to you.
I don't understand why you are so wound up.

As for thh girlfriend staying over? Does he pay board?

You can pull the old trope my house my rules. If he is paying then that may change like a lodger agreement.

If your issue had been that the gf had stayed over without permission, that would have been a different thread, but it isn't what you chose to focus on.

Exactly and the OP now claiming that she didn't mention the sex part to her friends, doesn't marry up with her opening post at all.

You are all acting like he is 13-14 not a fully grown adult. Friends sound like absolute drama Queen's are they always like that?

People are going on about the sex part because you put it in your thread title and because you included the unnecessary detail about the condom wrapper that you found.

If your issue had been that the gf had stayed over without permission, that would have been a different thread, but it isn't what you chose to focus on.

Condoms are not just for contraception they help stop the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

It's your home so you can dictate whether the girlfriend is allowed to stay over night etc. but you are wrong for telling your friends that your son and girlfriend are having a sexual relationship.