Son having sex: Everyone has an opinion that I didn’t ask for

Not "everyone" I personally couldn't give a toss !

Might be an idea to stop broadcasting it all over that there internet

Imagine starting a thread just to make a complete dick of yourself 🥴😄

Exactly, he’s an adult - what did you expect? This is a complete non issue, they’ll have sex somewhere if not in your house!

As you can see OP, different parents have different rules.

I think you are unfairly getting a hard time on here.

Lots of people feel the way as the PP and that’s fine.

Lots of people have bf/gfs spending the night at 14yo knowing they’re having sex.

There was a thread a couple weeks ago saying that as soon as they turn 16, the DP is allowed to stay over and the OPs 16th bday was coming up.

I think the best parents try to find a balance and I think that is exactly what you are doing and I would feel proud that you are checking with other parents to see if you’re being fair or not too strict/too easy going.

You’ve done nothing wrong.

Why were you even in his room? He's an adult, he is responsible for anything that needs to happen in that room (tidying, cleaning) it is his private space.

I'm pretty sure she'd also be horrified if you taped it too though.

So your son has a GF and is having safe sex. Isn’t that great? What would you rather, he was having unprotected sex? Where if you don’t allow her to stay? Or that he didn’t have a GF and got his gratification online instead? Give your head a wobble. He is 3 years over age consent and is behaving responsibly. You should welcome this.

The dilemma is around the GF staying over without permission.

How often does she stay? I would be uncomfortable with an extra adult staying in my house on a regular basis but everyone is different. Maybe set a boundary that she can stay once a week at the weekend or something. And he should let you know so you know when she will be there. There's nothing wrong with having boundaries. But perhaps you should also stay out of his room and respect his space. He's old enough now to clean his own condom wrappers up.

If you don't want his girlfriend to stay again then tell him that. There was no point in talking to him about being safe, you found a condom wrapper so he already was being safe. Of course he's sexually active at 19. This whole thing must be mortifying for him. And your friends are being very dramatic saying you'll be a grandma (especially because he's clearly using condoms). If the issue is simply about his gf staying over then make it clear to him that you wont allow it, but don't expect that that will stop them having sex

It’d be pretty unusual to NOT be having sex at 19.

I agree with everyone - stop talking about this to your weird friends.

OP, how would you have felt if, when you were an adult, your mother had been gossiping about your sex life with her friends?

Your son is an adult. His sex life is none of your business, so show some basic respect to him, stay out of his room and shut up about things which don’t concern you.

You have unwittingly invited them to pile in and be all tsk about your adult son private life
Stop talking about him. Deflect and don’t answer any queries. Keep doing this. Again and again
Friends will get the message when you never elaborate or explain

I don't understand why you felt the need to tell your friends your adult son was having sex with his girlfriend.

Bollocks!

You said that you discussed him having sex with your friends who then told you that they would never allow that, and that you would soon be a grandma. 🙄🙄

I quite agree. It's appalling that you felt the need to 'offload' to friends, what was there to offload? Did you expect your son and his girlfriend to just hold hands at 19?

At least they have the common sense to use condoms, that must be reassuring.

However, you are entitled to say, "Not under my roof", if you feel strongly about such things, it is your house after all. They will only do it somewhere else though or may even decide to find a place to rent and move in together; he is a bit young for that and I doubt you'd want him to.

Dear MNHQ, some people on your website disagree with me and it hurts my feelz.

Please stop what you're doing on a Sunday and come rescue me. What's that? Yes I know I'm a fully grown woman but still... 🙄🙄

Wtf he's an adult.

But she is now staying over with permission?

His girlfriend has started to stay over which I didn’t initially agree to but my son gave the excuse that they fell asleep etc.

Why the hell do you consider a young adult having sex to be a parenting dilemma!!?? He sounds like a responsible young man to me.

It isn't a dilemma at all. It's nosiness on your part and a complete betrayal by blabbing to your drama llama friends!! Wind your neck in and butt out.

It's your home and your rules.

Neither of my children aged 19, and older, brought girlfriends or boyfriends home to stay over. Not until they were late 20s and in settled relationships, living with their partners.

I'd not have approved TBH.

A serious long term partner, okay, but not a string of girlfriends or boyfriends.

My DCs were both at uni at 19. I didn't know what they were up to but they didn't embarrass me by having sex at our home.

I am old fashioned but believe that if teens want to have a sex in the family home they should at least discussing it with their parents to get their 'ok'.

But you said in your post that you’d told a couple of friends 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don’t understand. If you didn’t tell them how do they know?

anywsy your ds is 19yo. Of course he’ll have sex. He’s an adult. Treat him like one. His sex life is none of your business. He’s using condoms, I don’t see the issue.

Well don't talk about your son's private life or sexual antics and they won't give you their opinion!
Your son is 19, so legally an adult and well above the age of consent. For all you know he's been having sex for the past three years, but in reality I could be six years or more.
His girlfriend doesn't need to stay the night for them to do it, they could be doing it at anytime of the day!

He’s 19, ffs, not 12. Stop talking about his sex life with your mates.

I think it's one of the issues with kids staying at home longer. I'm an older parent and mortified at the thought that my kids might still be living with me (and sexually active) into their 20s.
At 19 I had left home and my sex life was none of my parents' business.