Son having sex: Everyone has an opinion that I didn’t ask for

Grow up.

19 year olds are probably going to sexually active, but if it’s happening in your home, you have every right to ask questions. I wouldn’t feel comfortable. I will never agree to my children bring boyfriends home and sleeping in their beds. Maybe because we have always been a family of three girls & other family dynamics are different. I certainly don’t understand anyone letting under 18’s having sex in their house - I see that as encouraging it. They’re still children.

You say "everyone has an opinion" but thats because you TOLD them. If you tell people stuff conversationally thats going on privately in your own home, they are going to express opinions on it arent they? What did you expect would happen- complete silence? If you dont want opinions on a topic keep it to yourself. I thought that would have been obvious!

Not only have you told all your friends about your 19 year old ADULT son's sex life you have now told an entire website filled of people.

You really need to get a grip op.

He’s an adult and clearly not looking to have a baby. You found condom wrappers fgs!
He’s having a healthy safe sex life .
This is madness .

Leave him alone and mind your own business and don’t let your “friends “ mention it again.

This. He's a grown adult FFS. why the all the hysterics about a grown man having safe sex? good grief.

You sound batshit crazy he is an young adult capable of having a sexual relationship and a long time girlfriend staying over he's not a silly teenager.

I have not told my friends he is having sex because it’s private.

Nice backtrack, but it's the opposite of what you said in your OP.

Op don't worry MN is a completely unrealistic place. It's normal to chat your best friends about your son (in fact I've just closed the phobe to my friends chatting about her daughter and her new bf), it's normal to go in your sons room, it's normal to be worried about his life, it's also normal to feel the sadness that your sons going to fly the nest and has his own life and choices etc. People missed the point this is more about those feelings of nostalgia... Don't have an answer really, I'm sure I'll go through the same.

@Mysticmania

I think I understand perfectly. You're in shock because the little boy whose nappies you changed is now doing tje now very adult thing that could result in him having nappies of his own to change. There is also the element of some (rather nice) hussy leading him astray (obviously with his enthusiastic collusion) to where he will never be your little boy again.

It's perfectly natural. It's also a shock to the system realising that they're all grown up and getting up to what you used to get up to.

When my eldest was 18 I told him no sex before 35. He laughed in my face. His ship had sailed. Now he's married with children and still my baby boy.

Be of good cheer, OP. The best is yet to come.

@Mysticmania

Your son is an adult man and will have a sex life.

Whether or not you allow the gf to stay that will carry on.

If she is a long term gf then she will become a part of your family and I don’t think it is unacceptable for her to stay over periodically. Particularly if he is working and contributing to the household? It is his home.

If you are uncomfortable by all means speak to him about it, but be aware this could push him to move out with her, without having a stable grounding/savings/ability to get a mortgage first which is likely to set him on a rocky footing for life.

I’d rather my son was at home as long as possible to have a really firm amount of money behind him, and would permit the gf, if long-standing, to stay now and then.

If it’s random women he’s sleeping around with that is a separate matter and your friends need to catch a grip.

Wonder if OP found the Delete Thread button yet 🔍

Also can I just say you go on about how you've talked about safe sex... He's using condoms it seems from your findings so what's the problem???

Your friends understand that the point of condoms is to NOT have babies, right?

Just tell him that she is not allowed to stay over at all, or she can stay over once a week. Doesn't matter about the sex as long as they being both responsible and respectful of your house.

Knock on the door and say "I think it's time for DSGF to go home now" or similar. It can't be ignored.

I'm more concerned about why his gf cant stay over... I was living on my own by 19 but my mum would never have not allowed me to have guests stay :S bit wierd your trying to "parent" a 19 yr old

Firstly you shouldn't have told them, it's not a dilemma as he is 19, has a GF and uses condoms. However, you now need to shut down their stupid comments - tell them you wish you had never told them and to stop being so silly. They sound juvenile.

OP you’re the parent of an adult. I agree with PP don’t discuss his sex life with your friends. Their reactions have been unreasonable, though, it’s not like he’s trying for a baby. He’s using contraception. I really don’t see what the problem is here

I’d be more worried if he wasn’t having sex at 19. Leave him alone. Hes got a girlfriend and they aren’t doing anything wrong. I’m sure neither of them want a baby right now.

Totally normal for a young man of 19 to be sexually active and not something to be considered a dilema or rant about to friends. So what if a condom wrapper was found on the floor , at least he's being responsible. I'm sure if he was taught earlier to be careful, he will be aware of safe sex.

I try not to think about my adult children having sex. I am in denial even with two grandchildren! 😂

Lovely people on this thread who never mention issues they’re having in their house to people they talk to😅 She’s hardly discussing positions, and of course in a way it’s an issue if anyone else is having sex in your house- it’s awkward- you don’t want to know your son is having sex in the next room!!!

And the people saying why would you go into your 19 yos room- I work with loads of young adults and teens and they all say ‘ah mum was good enough to give my room a quick clean this weekend’ or ‘mum took my top, washed it and put it back, it was a relief, I’d forgotten I needed it’ etc. Welcome to real life!!!

Your friends are being dramatic. Of course a 19 year old is going to be having sex. That doesn’t mean you’re gonna become a grandma any time soon 😂

It's fine, OP.

Your adult son is having sex with his (presumably) adult girlfriend. No need to offload.

I also think staying over is absolutely fine. Not sure why you had an issue with it in the first place, but I guess your house, your rules.

Both my son and daughter's serious boyfriend/girlfriends have been welcome to stay over since 18. It makes for a better relationship, in my book.

@ilovepuppies2019 maybe worried is the wrong word but in my world it would be unusual if a couple are in a loving relationship at 19 and they weren’t having sex. That doesn’t mean they have to be but if, like op’s son, my adult dc were in such a relationship, I would be surprised if they weren’t.