Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son having sex: Everyone has an opinion that I didn’t ask for

239 replies

Mysticmania · 12/11/2023 11:30

My son is 19 and I found a piece of condom wrapper on his bedroom floor. I assume he is sexually active. His girlfriend has started to stay over which I didn’t initially agree to but my son gave the excuse that they fell asleep etc. I’ve spoken to him about being safe and responsible. Also that he has his whole life ahead of him and wouldn’t be the right time for a baby etc. He agrees and we left it at that. Mentioned it to a couple of my best friends as I needed to offload. I know he’s of age but it’s reminded me he’s grown now. Both friends start giving the third degree “oh my god you’re going the become a grandma” “oh gosh he should not be bringing girls to your home” “no way, there’s no way I’d allow that under my roof, he can’t have babies at his age”. I don’t know why I mentioned it now. And can you believe both of them were having sex from the ages of 14.

OP posts:
uncomfortablydumb53 · 12/11/2023 14:23

Why would you discuss your adult sons sex life with your friends?
Respect his privacy
I thought you were going to say he was 14

JustKen · 12/11/2023 14:21

Further to my previous post, I would rather my son felt comfortable bringing girlfriends home and spending time with them under my roof and practising safe sex than feeling unwelcome and gossiped about and made to feel abnormal in some way.

You risk alienating your son.

SaffronSpice · 12/11/2023 14:19

TeenLifeMum · 12/11/2023 11:36

You’re the parent of an adult who is 19. I think I’d be concerned if my dc weren’t enjoying sex in a loving relationship by 19. It’s normal. Sex is a great thing just need to stress being safe. He’s clearly using condoms so that’s great. The fact you’ve brought up his sex life with your friends is mortifying.

Really? Lots of 19 year olds are not having sex. That is perfectly normal too.

skyeisthelimit · 12/11/2023 14:19

OP, there is no dilemma here, it's your house your rules, so if you don't want her staying over then just tell him that. If he is allowed to stay over at her house, then don't expect to see a lot of him ongoing.

Aside from that he is 19, he is allowed to have sex since 16 legally and he is using protection. No dilemma there.

giraffetrousers · 12/11/2023 14:15

hehe this is classic mumsnet:

"I want opinions- AIBU?"

"yes, you are"

"calm down, I dont need your opinions, I'm going to DELETE"

😂

golf7 · 12/11/2023 14:13

Clearly using condoms so what's with all the comments about being a nan ?

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/11/2023 14:04

Mysticmania · 12/11/2023 12:16

Go have a cup of tea or coffee and calm down people. Don’t need your opinions either so deleting this thread

Mumsnet delete the thread,not you. You request it
Try this
Dear MN,
I am indiscreet and enjoy provoking a reaction regard my son private life. As a result of my indiscreet tittle tattle my son private life is a salacious gag. Son private life is Joked and poked about by my tiny brained friends. Sooooo, I thought aha…let’s post on mn they’ll get me! Well turns out the vipers think I’m an indiscreet gossip. Delete the thread I won’t be spoken to like this. Soz,please and Thanks
@Mysticmania

bostonchamps · 12/11/2023 13:59

TeaGinandFags · 12/11/2023 12:57

@Mysticmania

I think I understand perfectly. You're in shock because the little boy whose nappies you changed is now doing tje now very adult thing that could result in him having nappies of his own to change. There is also the element of some (rather nice) hussy leading him astray (obviously with his enthusiastic collusion) to where he will never be your little boy again.

It's perfectly natural. It's also a shock to the system realising that they're all grown up and getting up to what you used to get up to.

When my eldest was 18 I told him no sex before 35. He laughed in my face. His ship had sailed. Now he's married with children and still my baby boy.

Be of good cheer, OP. The best is yet to come.

Some HUSSY leading his astray are you kidding me. Have we gone back at 1960.

Two consenting adults are having safe sex. Hold the front page. You're probably not reading anymore OP but if he ever finds out you spoke to your friends about his sex life that will be a huge strain on your relationship. And if the 'hussy' ever finds out then you will be labelled the MIL from hell for ever more.

RedToothBrush · 12/11/2023 13:57

Mysticmania · 12/11/2023 12:16

Go have a cup of tea or coffee and calm down people. Don’t need your opinions either so deleting this thread

This was 12.16pm. Its now 13.56pm.

Clearly the OP hasn't had enough attention from her gossiping to the whole world.

StockpotSoup · 12/11/2023 13:56

Mysticmania · 12/11/2023 12:16

Go have a cup of tea or coffee and calm down people. Don’t need your opinions either so deleting this thread

😆😆😆

DdraigGoch · 12/11/2023 13:55

Mysticmania · 12/11/2023 11:33

im a parent and do have some parenting dilemmas at times. Sometimes I speak to other parents as I’m sure lots of parents do.

He's a grown adult and is using protection. What's the dilemma?

crazyaginglady · 12/11/2023 13:54

I would probably expect my son to be sexually active by 19. Also, if he’s not going to have sex in your home, where he lives, where is it going to have it?

RedToothBrush · 12/11/2023 13:54

KateyCuckoo · 12/11/2023 11:32

Well don't discuss your son's sex life with your friends and mumsnet then. Respect his privacy.

Edited

This!

You clearly haven't learnt the lesson from everyone having an opinion on your son's sex life - they wouldn't have an opinion if YOU weren't off gossiping about it!

This isn't hard. Don't want comments, don't make it into a topic of conversation!!!!

FictionalCharacter · 12/11/2023 13:53

Mysticmania · 12/11/2023 11:39

i expected more of a listening ear from best friends. We share lots of life dilemmas. I didn’t expect to be grilled .

Your adult son sleeping with his adult gf is not a parenting issue or life dilemma. Fine for you to offload about your personal issues to your friends but this is his private life. You're basically gossiping to your friends. And they're ridiculous to be going on about too young to have babies when he's having protected sex.

rockinginarockingchair · 12/11/2023 13:48

You will always be a parent but parenting stops when their adults.
I have a 20 year old i dont go parenting him hes a man now with a partner living on his own and knew about the birds and bees way before he was 16.
I wouldent go talking about my sons sex life to others either.

Pooooochi · 12/11/2023 13:47

Id be more bemused if a 19 year old wasnt having sex with their girlfriend, assuming similar age etc.

Surely it's a given that adults in a relationship will have sex?

DixonD · 12/11/2023 13:43

Mysticmania · 12/11/2023 11:33

im a parent and do have some parenting dilemmas at times. Sometimes I speak to other parents as I’m sure lots of parents do.

Your adult son’s sex life is in no way a “parenting dilemma.”

stayflufft · 12/11/2023 13:41

What’s the parenting dilemma? He’s 19!

Mydogisamentalist · 12/11/2023 13:36

Get a grip.

Muddybooties · 12/11/2023 13:34

I’ve just preplanned buying earplugs for when my adult son has a gf stay over. 😂

I know it’s difficult OP. He is your son.

But how lovely he has a good relationship and someone who loves him.

Petallove · 12/11/2023 13:31

I think a lot of people are missing the point you weren’t gossiping. In your position I would let my sons gf stay over as long as they are both taking precautions it’s fine. They are adults and I would rather they be in my home where they are safe. In turn they would need to be quiet and respectful of everyone else in the house.

KitKatrunchie · 12/11/2023 13:14

Maybe you should tell them that condoms prevent babies (for the most part) and diseases!
19 years will
have sex he sounds quite sensible to me

mouldyfalafel · 12/11/2023 13:11

Go have a cup of tea or coffee and calm down people. Don’t need your opinions either so deleting this thread

LOL I dont think you quite understand how conversation works. If you tell people stuff seeking feedback then you are going to get opinions. It happened with your friends and its happening now because you posted it on a public message board. Now the opinions arent exactly what you wanted to hear you're throwing your toys out of the pram. Hilarious!

Paddleboarder · 12/11/2023 13:11

Why do you feel the need to have conversations about it or get involved in your son's relationship at all? They can just do what they want, it's no one else's business. I'm sure he realises that unprotected sex can lead to a baby!

DonnaBanana · 12/11/2023 13:08

Leave him to get on with it and stay out of his business. At 19 it’s totally normal. It’d be weird if he wasn’t having sex by then to be honest