Son having sex: Everyone has an opinion that I didn’t ask for

When I was 19, in a steady and monogamous relationship, my parents wouldn't let him stay the night. Not under their roof, etc etc, like it was a crime, or like they themselves hadn't been a pair of...free love advocates in the 60s.

We had nowhere to go, so we had sex in the car at the local nature reserve. We didn't want to, but my parents valued their prudish, hypocritical delusions over my dignity and safety (luckily he was a good man but I was taking a risk), so that was all we had. When I came home from uni, I stayed in a hotel rather than with them so that we could share a bed. And in vengeance, we had sex in their bed and en suite when they were out.

Why the assumption that they're going to have a baby because they're sexually active? I was sexually active at that age as I am sure many of us were, and I managed not to get pregnant until I was ready for a baby at 30 years old.

Presumably then you also never had sex until you left home?

No, if he is big enough to have sex then he is big enough to go find a room and be a proper adult without mummy feeding him. Take responsibility get a job save for your house. There needs to be a plan if the plan is to fuck about and have sex him and that's it to life and stay at home. My daughter wants to wait she has a boyfriend and she is enjoying getting to know him and going out. She is at university and I have told her if she wants to I can help her but she point blank said no. There's more to relationships than sex it feels like peer pressure to see who's child has sex first it sounds so perverse.

Everyone has their boundaries but I think having a bf / gf to stay over is absolutely fine at this age. My dd is 15. She hasn’t had a bf yet. Not sure what age a boy will be allowed to stay. Definitely not at 15!

Can you not just remind him to open his windows to air out his room and prevent condensation because two healthy young people having rampant sex night after night will make a lot of moisture in the air what with all the heavy panting, sweating and breathing which is unhealthy and can lead to damp and mould issues in unventilated rooms.

19yo is practising safe sex with his girlfriend? And your friends are somehow shocked?

Even at 19 If he is livign at home he shouldn't be bringing overnight guests without permission. You need to have a talk with him about that. However, I don't think at 19 you should forbid the gf staying overnight occationally.

@Carpediemmakeitcount that is honestly the strangest argument I’ve ever heard against two consenting adults having sex in a house. It’s obviously a bit of a strange time when you realise your DC is sexually active, and I’m sure potentially a bit embarrassing, but isn’t it just about discussing openly about being mindful and respectful about how much noise they make/how blan rant it is and how that might make people feel? Surely most parents want their DC to grow up having a healthy sex life and now that housing is so expensive it means the start of this is likely to be in the home where they grew up?

You should be glad he is using protection, he's 19 a grown man it's none of your business.

Omg he's 19.

Is his girlfriend over 16? Hope so

Omg what's wrong with you. Your son is adult.

If he is old enough to be having his girlfriend overnight, he is old enough to have his own place.

I wonder if your son discusses your sex life with his friends then posts about it on a public forum? Looking forward to the next family dinner.

My 15 year old doesn't leave crockery in his room because there will be negative consequences if he does.

No wonder there are so many useless men if their parents still tidy up after them at 26 years old! I want to raise a man who doesn't expect his wife to do all the cleaning!

They are in a relationship.
Oh, come on...
So, have a discussion so you "allow" permission.
Your son is practising safe sex. He has a gf.
Respect that.
He is your son, and you can not have an open discussion at the age of 19 about this. Well, that is not something I could imagine I would feel ok about.. I openly discuss anything, though!
Permission implies you still see him as a child..
Open discussions on this is something you need, not your friends narrow view.
I would encourage his relationship. At least he is at home and settled, not sleeping around!
He is an adult.
Act like an adult parent, not a child's.

Good on him for using a condom!!! Your friends are pathetic saying his going to have a baby, for goodness sake!! I'd rather my child felt like they could have a supportive conversation with me, rather than sneak about.

Absolutely!

ds learned from his very early teens he had a choice. A consistent message of either bring it back down the same day or don't take crockery to your room at all. If he did start getting into the habit of leaving it I followed through with a ban.

It was the next step of what he learned from a very young age to always help set the table, then clear up after dinner and no one disappears without permission until the kitchen is clear and dishwasher loaded up, even when friends were staying for a sleepover he made sure they tidied up after themselves even if it was just putting the dominos pizza boxes in the outdoor bin and glasses in the dishwasher when done instead of abandoning on the side for the cleaning fairy.

Embed it as a habit, and reinforce when needed when they are a child you are teaching and they do it instinctively and you don't need to deal with it as an issue when they are an adult.

Your adult son having sex isn't a life dilemma.... Butt out, keep out of his room and stop blabbing his personal business to your mates

YABVU, talking about your son's sex life. If you didn't want their opinions, you shouldn't have discussed it with them. Although they do sound odd, almost as though he's the first 19yo to have ever had sex. I feel sorry for him, you sound overly involved. It's really not for you to be discussing with your friends.

He is 19 and using protection. Nobody else's business if he is having sex. He is first and foremost an adult. Yes accidents happen but it is not the end of the world and can often be a blessing.

Adult man has sex. Nothing shocking there.

@brokenhearted2

If we didn't go into our 26 yes TWENTY SIX year olds sons room (and yes he lives at home) we would never find half our crockery and shit would grow in there.

How disrespectful of him to treat your home that way. Especially at 26 years old! Whether he lives alone, with friends or a partner when he moves out, you aren't doing him any favours by allowing him to treat your home this way and refuse to at the very least keep his room clean.

Actually ignore my previous post as you are quite clearly not the OP. But you are quite clearly as strange for brining up an adult who is incapable of cleaning up after himself at almost 30 years old.

You really don't need to apologise on behalf of anyone else.

Comfort? 🤣 we aren't talking about some sort of tragic event here. An adult, well beyond the age of consent, had protected sex. That is all that happened!

The only tragedy is the OP, snooping in an adults bedroom and not having anything better to talk to her friends about.

If anything I understand the friends more, they were probably winding her up as she was making such a deal about it.

FFS, a mum has every right to check on rooms in the house. I presume the 19-year-old is not paying the mortgage.

You all act like he's paying board and lodging but there's no evidence of it.

Also, condoms do not provide 100% surety against pregnancy. I hope she's protected (I presume so).

Nothing more horrendous to me than coming to an age when I can take a break from (solo) mothering (mine's moved out, he's 32) than having to start all over again with a baby in the house.