Son having sex: Everyone has an opinion that I didn’t ask for

He’s 19
He’s having safe sex
He lives under your roof so you’re allowed in his room
I agree it’s nice to chat to other mums about stuff
However, I’d take their comments with a pinch of salt. He’d have sex whether it was in your house or not!!
I believe from experience, parents who allow their kids a bit more freedom tend to have better more honest relationships.

@SurprisedWithAHorse my 17 year old wants to move to Korea when she's 18 and meet a Korean man. I am saving up for her one way ticket. She is not interested in any British boys only Korean. My 15 year old is shy and talks about maybe having a boyfriend she doesn't know and she doesn't care. My 19 year old wants to wait for all sorts of overthinking reasons. Honestly, we are all a box of frogs in this house. Come and meet us of you want I will introduce you to each of them maybe you can persuade them to one day give me a grandchild.

My daughter's 19, 17 and 15. Do you want to meet my children then you can judge because believe me I will be lucky if I have grandchildren.

Aw god just ignore them. How very supportive are your friends 🙄

He's 19 of course he's having sex and he's being sensible! I don't see the big deal at all!

One of my mums work colleagues said similar as my now dh was allowed stay over when I was 17/18. He stayed in the spare room.

We were married and I was 32 when we had our first child. The colleagues daughter funnily enough was the one to have a baby at 18 though!

So, you decided to tell you friends about your adult sons sex life, and then got annoyed when they continued your chosen topic of conversation.

So then, you decided to tell a bunch of strangers of the internet about your adult sons sex life, and then got equally annoyed when they continued your chosen topic of conversation.

I feel you may have an issue with learning from prior mistakes.

I'll never understand some people. When my son is of an age where is legally allowed to have sex, and he has a girlfriend that would like to stay over then she will be allowed to. He's 12 now, so not for a while yet but I don't feel uncomfortable with the notion that one day, he will be a sexually active young man. We already have conversations surrounding safe sex, consent, sex for fun, sex for love and nothing is awkward. When he is ready and his partner is then they can absolutely have sex in my house because it's also his house and I would much rather him become a sexually active, responsible adult in a place he feels comfortable and safe than in a cheap hotel, a car, a field or worse.

Once they're 16, it's not up to you to decide what they can and can't do any more based on what you want.

But carry on with the delusion. It'll be serving sexually active young people with overbearing parents until the end of time.

Don't tell people about your son's sex life. I doubt you'd want him telling his mates about yours.🙄

I moved out at 19 and my partner was 18. I wanted independence and I got it. I don't understand the logic today you have to have some rules or they will never leave. My brother had his girlfriend stay in his room in my mum's house and he didn't want to leave when he did because my dad pushed him out he lived with his gf for 5 years from 30 he wanted baby steps at the time. When my dad died he slowly wormed his way back into my mother's house until eventually he split with his girlfriend.

I give advice that's it. Under 18 they are my responsibility and that's how I wanted to parent them. If they want to leave and get their own place I will not stop them as matter of fact I will help them to pack if they are so sex deprived living in this house.

He’s 19 & it’s fine. I wouldn’t particularly want to be in the house when this was happening but if I couldn’t hear I’d turn a blind eye.

It depends on the family and the size of the home and if they share with a sibling.

@Mysticmania I don't think you have done anything wrong.

They're going to have sex regardless, so it might as well be somewhere safe. Just set ground rules, especially if there are younger kids in the house.

And it is perfectly normal to discuss this sort of thing irrespective of the kids age with your friends when you have a situation you aren't sure how to deal with.

I actually think it's fucking weird to be so hung up on your adult child's private life, beyond wanting to ensure they're safe and sensible...thinking it's so disgusting and wrong that you actively try to prevent it.

I'm sure they don't much like thinking about their parents having sex either but they deal with it. Perhaps by framing it as something they'd rather not think about than as some sort of sin that must be prevented...or at least mustn't happen in their safe, personal space.

She wants to wait

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would it make you happy if she did have sex??

It would make me happy if she didn't have a weird, controlling parent like mine who also tried to dictate my adult life, with the end result that I had sex in cars in nature reserves, compromising my dignity and safety.

But I still had sex in their bed when they went out, largely in revenge. We did have to be left alone during the day for that to happen, though. What do you think I told my overbearing, hypocritical, prudish parents in order to get them to bog off?

I was amazed at how readily they believed me, but maybe there's a connection between wanting to control your adult child's sex life and overestimating how much you think they care about what you want.

@Carpediemmakeitcount what about 2 young people who were training to be drs in their hometown so living at home whilst studying until 23/24, are you saying they shouldn’t be allowed to have sex somewhere safe and comfortable until their mid-twenties?! 😂

She wants to wait her relationship is new and her first boyfriend. I am genuinely happy for her and I said to her if you are thinking about it then get yourself sorted first with protection. She said that she is not ready for that she is worried about pregnancy. She is a study bug every time she calls me she is in the library. You believe what you want honestly would it make you happy if she did have sex??

How would you feel if your girls were having sex in odd places because you won't allow it at home?

It's not necessarily about conforming. At 19, most people want to have sex. It's an enjoyable thing and it feels good. Talking to them about being safe is the most important thing, definitely nobody should feel pressured into sex but I don't know many people at age 19, male or female, who have no interest in sex.

Would it make you happy if she had sex does it bother you that she wants to wait?

@Mysticmania If you are uncomfortable with them having sex in your house, have the conversation- they will find somewhere else and then you don’t have to think about it.

You didn't give him permission for his GF to stay and he's just gone against your wishes . If he wants respect then he needs to show some towards OP,her house her rules.

I got pregnant at 16 I had to abort the pregnancy I had sex in odd places. Never in my parents house they would never allow it. I have told my girls have fun first don't let anyone pressure you you do it when you are ready but make sure they get an education first so they can earn there own money. Be young, free and wild in your own way without having to conform to what other girls there ages are doing. When you conform to what others do it doesn't make you happy. I've seen teenage girls with their boyfriend's both of them look miserable and it's sad.

My daughter wants to wait she has a boyfriend

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Yeah, that's what I'd tell you too! It's so weird how the kind of person who tries to dictate what an adult child does in their private life is the easiest to fool about it. Yes, you are absolutely the authority on her life. Keep telling yourself that!

She's having sex and not telling you because of your weird, antiquitated views

Some people really want to alienate their kids.

I can't imagine ever being so precious that I wouldn't allow my adult DS's girlfriend to stay over. I'm sure kids find the idea of their parents having sex pretty gross too.