Boyfriend not paying towards expenses after moving in with me and my children.

Good points made re property. I would change the locks and put his stuff outside and have some male relatives stay for a day or two. You are his meal ticket and he isn’t going to take this well.

EFFING HELL! 😮

Another good reason for not giving your CL warning @Bumblebeee33

You need to be upfront.

When we lived apart you could afford to pay bills and treats, you enjoyed doing thoughtful things for me, you kept your palace tidy. Now you think I should do it all because I do it for my kids. You aren't my kid. You're my partner
Living together is supposed to benefit us both. How am I benefiting? You don't pay your way, you don't clean your home and we have less quality time together.
I think we moved in too soon.

He's worse than your average garden cocklodger. He is absolutely vile. Get rid NOW @Bumblebeee33

He's taking the piss which tells you all you need to know about the level of his respect for you.

You already know the answer. He needs to leave. He is completely using you

@Bumblebeee33 I hope you had that chat and that he is now packing his bags 💞

I always feel for the kids in these scenarios. Two years is nothing when you've got young kids. It's depressing. P!ease show him the door, you will ALL be happier.

How did your chat go last night @Bumblebeee33 ?
Hope you're doing ok this morning.

Hope you're ok this morning OP

imagine a friend was describing the above situation to you - what would you say to them?

tell him he needs to start contributing to bills and expenses. if he doesn’t - ditch him. he has shown you his true colours - he’s a sponger who doesn’t have any respect for you.

if you decide to put up with this then you have no right to complain about it.

OP I'm a lone parent and it's always so heartening to see other women who have worked hard for financial independence whilst bringing their kids up.

Don't give that away.

I feel for your kids, he never should have moved in. You are now simply his support human. Bad relationship dynamics to be showing your kids.

I've been with my partner 7 years. We waited and waited until the kids were the right age, his off to university and mine at the right point too. We still don't live together, maybe next year will be right.

My point is I don't understand why you were in such a hurry to move him in.

No need for a locksmith, change the barrels yourself it's straightforward, cheaper and pretty quick. It's your house, why would you allow someone trying to gaslight you in it?!

OP wake up and smell the coffee! You have a man who has a PHD in cocklodgery! Get rid before he fleeces you for everything you have!

@CandyLeBonBon

Truthfully no, I missed the update (400 messages to scroll through!)... but I believe my comment still stands. Ignorance, taking it for granted, even turning a blind eye... I think a sensible thing would be to simply highlight the actual costs and give him an ultimatum.

I wouldn’t have anyone sneering at me who was living rent free in my home and couldn’t even give me the time of day.

When someone tells you who they are, listen. He’s played an absolute blinder.

So I can move in , tidy house , no bills , food sorted for me , and you will look after my kids all weekend? And I don’t even have to be nice to you ?

I know a deal when I see one ! When can I move in ?

Yes but he is responsible for cleaning (or paying for cleaner) over and above just cleaning after himself and other joint house responsibilities.

Did you do your due diligence as to where you stand legally with this man residing with you? He can make a claim on your property I'm sure, so if you're planning to let him stay I'd get legal advice and something drawn up.

Personally I'd tell him he has to leave, you've made it far too easy for him, he's a piss taker of the highest degree!

You cannot allow this to continue. He obviously has money, as he's no longer paying any rent or bills like he used to. He's clearly using you. You can't keep subsidising him, with money meant for you and your child. It's unfair on your child. I'd explain that you're not happy with living together, so he needs to move out within a week. I cannot believe that someone who would do that to you, loves you. He is using you.

I have been worrying foryou. I was in a similar situation but with one child. I had inherited my terraced house, met a seemingly generous and lovely man, moved him in. After a few weeks a friend told me he had cheated. I confronted him, asked him to leave. The next day he changed the locks on the house and put our clothes insuitcases which he threw into the garden. The police were no help at all. They went to see him and said he had a right to be there, it was a civil matter. Eventually I was able to evict him but it took about 15 wks. Fortunately I stayed with my parents, but otherwise I would have had an absolute nightmare, as it was I didn’t have my stuff or my daughters toys etc. He kept saying he wanted £20k for the inconvenience. I didn’t move anyone in again after that.

There is a type of man who preys on single mums because they know they will have a free home and meals. They just move onto the next one if you chuck them out. He could be working on your replacement now.
They will either love bomb or gaslight you. Often showing hostility.
I was married to one for 17 years before I saw what he was. He moved onto my reacement as soon as he left me and is living his best life at her expense. Its sickening. I was traumatised by the experience.
Get rid of this leech now.

Stop being such a doormat 🙈
of course he must contribute. He is taking advantage of you!

Don't do any of this. Just get rid.
his true colours - sneering at her

This.

That first curl of the lip should have sealed his fate! We can convince ourselves of anything (because sometimes thinking we are being in love makes us ridiculously accepting - but contempt!

This will get worse and worse @Bumblebeee33 , and he will destroy your self-esteem, start telling you that you are a a mess and lazy, chasing other women and then blaming you HIS infidelities, and will one day (when it suits him) move onto another victim - but it will be YOUR fault.

And you and your children will be left emotionally and psychologically damaged and financially much poorer - because not only will he have sponged off you for years, maybe decades, but he will also have a claim on your home, that YOU have paid for.

I know it's easy for us to say because we haven't got an emotional investment in this sorry apology for a man, but so many of us have learned the hard way - my word we have!

At the very least get out and buy a rent book. Decide what you want to charge him (if he doesn't like it, he can shove off), Make sure you include food, utilities and his childcare costs when s/he is with you in this figure, and tell him that's the deal from now on, and if he isn't happy, then he knows where the door is. Tell him that he can start paying what he owes for the past 6 months in easy payments of £X added to his weekly/monthly rent until it is paid off. You are a nice person, so you won't charge him any interest.

If he is a lodger, even one who shares your bed, he won't later be able to claim any of your assets, as I understand it.

But honestly - you will save yourself and your children so much heartbreak in the long run if you just tell him "OUT!".

Do you have a family member or friend who could support you through this, and be with you when you give him the ultimatum (whichever one you choose)? They won't be swayed by his emotional/ angry/ self-pitying appeals the way you might be.

I hope you talked with him and told him he needs to leave.