To wonder how the father feels about donor eggs/surrogates

As an adopted child I can tell you that men, like women, can and do love children who are not made by their sperm and/or their wives' eggs. My dad was the most wonderful father you could imagine, and he couldn't have loved a biological child more.

I find it flabbergasting that people post this kind of woman baiting shit. Student podcast perhaps.....

You absolutely cannot say what you would or would not do in that situation, until you are in that situation.

People also have different levels of desire to have children. My partner and I always discussed that we definitely wanted children, although for me it was a deep burning desire, and for him it would have been horrible if it never happened, but he’d have eventually got over it. I don’t think I would have.

However, until we were actually trying (and had been for a long time) I never thought I’d consider IVF. But once I realised it wasn’t going to happen otherwise; it was all I could think about.

Now that I have my children, I have zero desire to have more.

That isn’t how you phrased your OP though, it was about female celebrities and their partners, and you suggested that their male partners would probably be able to partner with a younger woman.
If you’d wanted to discuss how partners might feel about surrogacy, egg donation etc. in general, the responses would have been different. It’s the insensitive wording of your OP that’s upset people.

Personally I am like @GwenGhost and being genetically linked with my dc (and going through pregnancy with them) was incredibly important for me. I think it is with most parents I've met. I wouldn't have considered egg or sperm donation or adoption or surrogacy, and if it turned out we couldn't have our own genetic children then we just would have had a chuld-free life.

But I can also understand that other people have different values and it simply doesn't matter to them, and I guess those are the couples (or individuals) who have decided to go ahead with it.

This thread is basically summarised as "do some people really have a specific view that I don't?"
Answer is yes, obviously

Healthy relationships are based on the people involved loving each other for who they are as individual people, not because of their fertility.

Obviously different people have different feelings about needing a genetic link to their children but given how widespread adoption and step-parents raising children as their own etc are, I wouldn't ever think it's a dealbreaker by default.

Genetics matter to some people.
I’m one of them. This doesn’t mean I would ever dream of commenting on someone else’s family situation. Other people are not me and it does no good to assume we all think the same way. But it does affect how I chose to build my family. I started youngish because I didn’t want to run out of time. If we’d have needed a sperm donor it probably would have killed the relationship because I wouldn’t have been able to consider my partner an equal parent if he wasn’t the bio father. I would rather have used a sperm donor to become a lone parent. I could never foster at the same time as having my own children in my home because it would feel different to me. I would always keep or abort an unplanned pregnancy and would never ever consider giving up my child for adoption. I would never ever consider donating my eggs or being a surrogate. And it’s a good thing I’m not a lesbian because that would have been a total headfuck and the only pattern I think I could have dealt with would be both mums have one child using the same donor so they are genetic half siblings. Even then, in my head I think I would love one child because they were mine and the other because they were my child’s sibling and my partner’s child.

DH and I both have fertility issues. Who knows, perhaps we both could have had children with other people. But we didn’t want to. It was our child or no child. And we are both happy with our childfree life now.

AIBU overly cynical/unromantic about men to be a bit surprised that these men are apparently happy to partner with women who won’t be the biological mother of their child and/or might not be their birth mother?

This is possibly the most disgusting comment I’ve ever read.

I read OP's post about self-doubt in herself, not thinking she is worthy and having a cynical view of men that I assume is due to only dating horrible men.

For women who consistently end up with bad partners, it can be hard to imagine that decent men actually exist.

I think you need to work on yourself OP, and get help with the negative feelings about yourself and your low self-esteem.

Sadly that does happen. It has happened to 2 of my friends and we’re just ordinary women who nobody knows! The only difference is that both men didn’t end up with much younger women, they just ended up with women who already had children, and had their own child with that woman. Whether those women were more ‘attractive’ because they had proved their fertility I doubt we’ll ever know.

Different people have different views would you believe it

I am a man in this situation and I dont care about genetics.

That's fine. Sometimes the resulting children do though as they get older.

I am a man in this situation and I dont care about genetics.

Personally, I don’t agree with using donor eggs/sperm or surrogacy, but it seems fairly obvious that the people that do must feel ok about it as they have gone ahead. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You're actually being really gross. What you did with posting this thread is invalidate my baby as being "really" mine, or somehow not good enough, because she doesn't share my DNA.

It's frankly pathetic. Adoption has been a thing for all of time. I really hope you don't have kids, because whichever of your offspring looks slightly less like you than the others is clearly not going to be the favourite child.

I don’t think I’m being wildly eccentric to say that for me, the idea of having a child without a genetic link takes some adjusting to. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask how a partner might feel about it.

No it's not unreasonable to ask, but your initial question was quite negatively phrased. I do think there are a lot of other ways to ask the question that don't come off as so insulting to people that have gone that route. It's sad if you actually feel that it would be so unusual for a man to want to create a family with the woman that he loves even if they need to use DE or surrogacy to make it happen.

And now I will answer your actual question: I had twins through DE. It is the best thing I have ever done. My husband is happy with it because he loves his children and he loves our family. Also, he is happy that I am happy. My kids are my kids and I rarely think about the genetic connections. It's a non issue for me, except that I'm happy that they won't likely take on some of the unpleasant characteristics of some of my family members. (Only half joking.)

To wonder how the father feels about donor eggs/surrogates

So you think all fathers will feel the same? That a singular 'male perspective' exists?

Plenty of men either don't want children or already have some and are not planning to have more. So a partner's fertility would not be a relevant issue for them.

You seem very angry about this OP and your posts have caused offence.

Donor eggs or surrogacy are not for everyone but couples feel differently when they love each other and want a family. I can say from experience that a donor conceived child is really every bit biologically your own.

A woman's worth is not equal to her fertility. What should the men do? Just discard the old infertile woman as if she never mattered and go on to have children with a younger one? Your post is offensive in so many ways.