To find part time work with kids hard..

@ChilledMama85 I went part-time after dc1 was born so that I could spend time with them, then stayed part-time after dc2. It also meant they didn’t have to go to wrap around care everyday. However, I’m now back full-time. Went back at the end of April.

I work 3 days pw. We have an 18 months old. We couldn't afford for me to not work, so that's not an option. I'm always tired from sleep deprivation, my job is stressful and emotionally draining 😴 However we had such a difficult time to have DS (losses, IVF) and he is such a little ray of sunlight, that I plough on thinking it will gradually get a bit easier as he gets bigger 🤞🏻

mean

curious- why are you part time then? I am thinking of going part time but reconsidering after reading this...

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Having a baby or young toddler is really tiring.

If you are working part-time, your childcare is probably part-time. For many jobs (not all, obviously), working is easier than looking after small children. So, full-time can be less tiring for some people. Might be worth considering if you're one of them?!

Sure, it's helpful to be grateful for what you have. And, the ability to spend time with your children, with £500/month left over after childcare, and presumably financial stability from your partner or elsewhere, are things many people desperately want. But that doesn't mean that being tired is unreasonable. Plenty of others struggle in similar or even 'easier' circumstances!

Do the best you can OP. No idea how you work with such a small child but realise so many don't have a choice either. Everyone has their own battles in life.

I don't work but my health is utterly shagged. We don't always get a say in how the cards are dealt🤷🏻

I work full time with a 1 yo and 4yo (reception year). As does dp. We both wfh in professional roles (him since pandemic, me since before), flexibly, to avoid wrap around care for our eldest who is VERY sensitive. The youngest is in full time nursery and loves it, although I do miss her. She's still exclusively breastfed too (no cow/oat/pumped milk from any other source than me alas).

I am extremely forgetful and run our lives on lists and my phone calendar. I can't finish sentences. Dp takes most of the cooking, cleaning, drudgery, while I co sleep and do life admin, as neither child sleeps through (oldest has health issues, youngest is almost there). I buy random party gifts/snacks/calpol (molar time) most weekends to make sure we don't run out of things.

It's bloody hard. But we can't afford for either of us to be part time. I always thought I'd love to be a sahm, but I don't have the patience (maybe the sleep deprivation - last time i had a full night i went into labour).

Blimey, no need at all for the posts from full timers bashing the OP. There's always someone better or worse off than you - go start your own thread!

I found working part time & doing nursery/school drop off with husband working abroad & no family support much harder than now working full time having a WFH DH, grandparents around to help & a cleaner!
We don't know anything about the support OP has - this is what makes the difference.

OP, you must have gone back to work fairly recently, it does get easier. Go easy on yourself. Get some ready meals in for the nights you work (kids can eat at school/nursery), write a list of jobs such as washing , hoovering, loading the dishwasher etc that need doing on days off & split with DH. Just lower your expectations for a while.

Ridiculous some of the comments here. Just because some people feel they have it harder than you and have limited options doesn’t mean you can’t struggle.
And you have a one year old! I can’t imagine working while dealing with that!
You won’t feel like this forever, in the meantime do whatever you can to get through it x

I really don’t think it’s fair to bash @bobbyeatsocks for finding something difficult just because you have it worse. Everyone has different family dynamics and everyone copes with things differently.

FWIW OP, I work PT (3 days) and have a 3yo. My DH works away from home for long stretches then is home on leave for the same time (currently 6 weeks on/6 weeks off). During his leave he can be called on at 24 hours notice - and often is. To anyone I meet at baby groups etc, I’m “living the dream” apparently. Having DH home for 6 weeks to deal with all the household stuff while I work and having dinner on the table is great and he gets so much quality time with our 3yo. BUT, then he leaves and it’s the polar opposite. I find the contrast between the 2 really difficult to manage. 3yo is a terrible sleeper so I’m up multiple times a night. I have issues with sleep myself so I find sleep difficult anyway. I also have no local family or friends so I’m actually very lonely which I find mentally draining.

I deal with 99% of the mental load of family life, quite simply because stuff ends up getting missed otherwise with DH being here and there. I feel like I spend all my time doing meal prep, trying to get 3yo to as many classes/groups as possible, working, prepping stuff for work, tidying up (current childcare comes to our house while I work and the house is a genuine tip by the time I get home at the end of the day), trying to spend what time I can with my 3 yo, fitting in FaceTimes to DH so that he can speak to DC (often he’s offshore out of phone signal and has time difference so this usually lands at very inconvenient times of the day!

I know there will be people that have it worse, but I do struggle.

Bloody hell.
That's the dream for most people.

It might be worth asking GP for a blood test. Anemia for example, can cause tiredness and brain fog as can other things.

You have a baby less than a year old. You’re supposed to be tired and forgetful.

I work 3 days and totally understand where you’re coming from; I could have written this post. I have also worked FT (when I had 1 child) and it was challenging in a different way. I think we can all agree that there are challenges whatever option you go for - part time definitely isn’t the panacea some make it out to be.

I think the type of work you do plays a big part - is your job a source of stress? Mine is and that’s had a big impact on my health recently, as I’m also dealing with the stress of various home and issues with the kids. Even without that, as others say, it’s the carrying of the mental load and doing everything at home as well as work, commuting that contributes to the feeling of spreading yourself so thinly.

I just wanted to say it’s ok to be finding it hard because it is hard and part time is not unfortunately a magic solution - but I’m hoping that the compromise approach for me will pay off in the long run. Also a not quite 1 year old is tiny - it will improve in the second year I’m sure!

It’s the best of both worlds AND the worst of both worlds.

As a PP has pointed out you’re doing all the home stuff because you’re part time. But you’re also working. So the mental load is ALL on you. No wonder you’re exhausted. You’re constantly switching between work and home and expected to be across all of it.

And at the same time you’re supposed to be grateful that you can have it all…

I actually think having 2 full time working parents is not a natural state to aim for within a family and is no good for any member of the family, even teenagers who often need as much parental support and attention as toddlers! Taking the choice away about whether we want to do it or not is the biggest failure of the 21st century developed world. If we’re not careful we’ll end up like the USA when it’s the norm for tiny kids to be in FT daycare because paid maternity leave is only 12 weeks and where paid annual leave is only about 10 days.

i know PT work can seem just as busy and tiring a life as FT, OP, but the obvious advantage is that you are there as a hands on parent much more than someone who works FT. It is worth it. Your youngest is still very young and life just IS hard generally when they’re that age.

It’s not that you don’t manage your time properly if you’re part time, it’s more that you’re expected to do everything else. I mean if you’re full time, you’re simply not available to take your child to Afterschool activities or to a party or to an event at school. Someone else will do it or they just don’t go cos they’re in after school club or nursery anyway. I’ve done all 3 of SAHP, part time and full time when my kids were younger and I felt I did more rushing round when I was part time than I did full time.

That’s because there’s no such thing as part time professional work. It’s a trap. All jobs are full time - part time ones just make you do everything in a shorter window. I have always worked full time, remote jobs and used flexible working strategies like compressed hours to get my free time.

I work full time. You need to organise your time. I deliberately chose remote jobs so I could be at home for the school run. I do as much as possible after DS (4) goes to bed. Then weekends are for enrichment / bonding time. I cook every meal from scratch (as that’s important to me) but am ruthless about outsourcing / delegating the bits I dislike - eg DH does the laundry, ironing and washing up, I have a cleaner, etc

Then get organised.

I have no idea how anyone works with young kids either. It must be a stressful nightmare. I was a SAHM til the youngest went to school and any jobs I've had since have been school hours only.

Are you married? Could you afford to be off for a while?

How much does your partner help? I’m part-time and so are quite a few of my friends. We all agree that we end up doing pretty much everything at home ‘because we’re part-time’ so it’s expected, but still have demanding jobs 3/4 days a week. And then that becomes a lot.

Oh here we go. Here comes the 'you have it lucky. I work full time and I manage it' brigade.

If you work full time, you have to be organised. You don't have a choice. If you work part time you think you've got loads of time to do everything but actually, you don't manage your time properly so you almost feel more overwhelmed than a full timer.

As seems to be happening already, you’ll get lots of people telling you how lucky you are, they have it worse etc etc. Which might well be true, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find it hard! It is hard and it’s ok for you to feel this way. It’s down to your individual circumstances whether you can afford to stop working or not. Personally I work part time and like the balance/ pension contributions. But do what’s best for you and your family and remember it’s ok to find things tough.

Most people are tired when they have a baby. It comes with the broken nights.

Only having to work 2.5 days a week sounds like a wonderful balance.

Just repeat "It's only a phase" over and over. Try and remember when dc1 stopped waking in the night, and life got a lot easier.