Relative burned through funds and now mooching

I’d be dropping him a message to say he needs to stop asking your DM for train and uber fare to visit her. It’s for his benefit not hers. Absolute cheek he’s lived the life of Riley over the years, and now he just expects someone else to help him. Well he can get a job and stop leeching off an elderly lady.

Can you/your mum sell some of his garage things to cover the cost of travel each time he visits?

I wouldn’t be avoiding him at all… I’d be inserting myself into your mums as much as possible…. Make it incredibly uncomfortable for him to be there!

Where are you with PoA? Have you applied?

Worth reiterating that if DM didn't give the funds he might stop visiting? Did you get the POA sorted?
I really feel for you, I dread something like this happening with my DM.
I'd be tempted to invent an infestation and tell him he has to move all his stuff into storage while the house is fumigated and pest control sort the issue. Then just don't let him bring it back.
I'd also be batting back on the MH issues and tell him it's triggering for your DM and he needs to be more mindful of what he's telling her. Remind him that she's elderly and shouldn't be taking on his woes at her time of life, these are her golden years, don't let him take the shine off.
I'd probably also start messaging him with job adverts, it's a great time to pick up seasonal work. John Lewis elf??
You sound like a fantastic daughter, you've done good.

And what’s the betting he still won’t work? He can claim MH issues and nobody nowadays can call his bluff. It’s like the unprovable ‘bad back’ of former times.

Thanks for the update. Yes only just moved, so probably hasn’t got around to registering with gp.

Good to hear that you're keeping an eye on him OP. There's no doubt that he'll be back if he thinks there's a chance. Keep sharing your concerns with others including family so that he has nowhere to hide!

Glad you and your mum are doing well OP. If he hasn't registered with doctor council etc maybe he intends to move on somewhere else? Whatever he's at, keep an eye, he won't have given up that easily.

@coldcallerbaiter - just thought I'd check in to see how you and your mum are getting on, now that the moocher has moved on.

Hopefully your mum isn't missing his company (this might be a thing) and is enjoying her home again without the 'shadow' lurking.

He sounds absolutely awful.

I think you need to give your other relatives (flying monkeys) a gentle warning that he’s blown through his inheritance and he thought your DMum would be a cushy billet (he was expecting her to house him, feed him and do his chores while he was telling everyone else he was her new carer) and he will probably looking for someone else in the family he can sponge off instead!! Remind them that he’s burned through his inheritance, sold his flat in the UK (why couldn’t he have lived there and got a job) and that once he’s established in someone else’s house he’ll be hoping to be a dependant for the rest of his life!!

So glad to read your update.

Well done OP on getting him out but you'll need to watch him like a hawk. He's a manipulator and will likely keep up or have a new sob story to keep your mum on his side. A POA needs to be sorted ASAP before your mums state of mind deteriorates as she needs capacity to sign the documents. Good luck.

I woudn't be surprised if Mooch finds another target on the dating scene. (Rich widow scenario).
He must surely realise you are not going to allow him to leech off your Mum.
However, I do agree all measures need to be put in place so he knows you mean business.

I am also very glad he is gone but he will return, with a new sob story. Before he does that, you need to get a POA and do what you can to protect your Mom financially. A nanny cam would not be a bad idea either. Changing the locks will help, until he worms his way through the door, but at least it will stop him for a bit (I am betting he made a copy of her key).

I also like the idea of you moving a few things into the spare room and call it "your room" to your Mom. Perhaps come and stay the night when you can. I used to do that with my Mom, though she lived closer, and it really was fun. We even went out late to a 24-hour restaurant a few times. But just hanging with her made memories for me (and yes, she could also be contrary/stubborn).

You are a great daughter to care so much about your Mom. Mooch doesn't really care about your Mom, except for what he feels he can get from her. Protect your Mom. Hopefully, she has a will and copies are secure. If not, she needs to make one before she gets too "forgetful".

You have a lot of people pulling for you both. I think some have learned from experience, and some are just superb at seeing the poison ivy in the woods. I've been there, done that and the dang thieves took the t-shirt too. 😳😖

So glad he's gone!

I would be tempted to have a talk with him without your mum there. Tell him you have his card marked. If he puts so much as a toenail back in your mum's house you will be down on him like a ton of bricks. He is a Narcissist and a con man. Be careful.

Glad to read your update. And glad you're having a respite day. But you really do need to heed advice from pp above and change the locks, and get a POA, stat.

Did he remove all his possessions from the garage? I hope so.

Pleased to see your update OP but do not for one second take your eye off or trust this guy. He has your mum well and truly under his control. You being the 'bad guy' and him 'the victim' shows this. He will be hatching some sort of back up plan while you think he's out of your hair.

Your mum may be in early stages of dementia. Get her a referral to be assessed. Get the POA done as soon as possible. Make sure he doesn't get a key or get to stay the night. Get a ring doorbell installed. He knows you're onto him, he gave you one hell of a fight to get him out. He won't give up just because you got him out this time.

Well done on getting him out. And it sounds like you will keep a close and watchful eye on your mum’s house. Maybe make a few changes to her spare room, leave a few of your personal items there like pyjamas, toiletries, photos, so it’s no longer ‘the spare room’ but your room for when you find to visit.

does your mum need ongoing care like a neighbour/cater popping in once or twice a week?

And make sure you get the POA sorted as soon as you can.

He isn't gone, gone. He's just thinking up what scheme he can try next.