Relative burned through funds and now mooching

He will never leave completely unless your DM makes him. If she becomes frail and cannot live there he will claim he does. His long term plan is her home. So unless she moves somewhere smaller he's there to stay (with the odd stay somewhere else). He is taking advantage of her.

My DGM was nearly fleeced by a "cleaner" who thought she was family and even came to my DFs funeral. I'd never seen her before but there she was. After the funeral and I assume some choice words by my cousin she was never seen again. Some "friend".

A friend's ex and his new gf made a move on a vulnerable elderly man and he left them his house.

Some people just leech on the vulnerable.

I would force him out.

My mother has a close family member that behaves the same, and even though they have done some awful things in their life and still does, she let's them walk all over her.

There's nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing that will make her see them other than having had an unfortunate hand in life, and there's nothing you can do to stop what's going on especially if your DM seems to push away anything you say.or suggest.

Equally by the length of time this had been going on now your cousin knows full well he can do no wrong proven by the fact here you all are a year down the line.

You need to either accept she won't change how she treats your cousin and step away or just watch it all play out no matter how crazy it drives you.

He knows he's on to a winner or he'd respect you and stop taking the piss.

There's only one person that can put a stop to this for good and she doesn't want to.

She won’t be DBS checked, she may not be First Aid trained, does she know how to deal with some cognitive decline? Doe she know what to do if DM chokes, would she recognise signs of a stroke, does she know what to do for a fall? Will she be doing any cooking? Help with medication? Errands involving cash?

It’s extraordinarily naive to use some poor carer quality as an excuse not to be registered with a reputable agency with qualified and experienced carers.

Alternatively find a qualified and experienced private carer in the local area whom DM can get to know and build a rapport with.

A British citizen can be deemed o be habitually resident from the day they arrive back in the UK, a specialist welfare adviser can help if DWP decide to not accept that following an application for UC

Depends on what she's being asked to do and the wishes of her mother - who currently maintains the ability to consent.
As she became more frail my mother was horrified at the idea of (in her terms) an unknown stranger arriving in her home to undertake any duties. She was of sound mind, so her wishes were respected.
Given the woeful quality & repeated scandals involving some paid carers, if you've a reliable adult, willing to be paid for appropriate support (not seemingly involving toileting, changing or dealing with a bed bound person) then of course she can be appropriate.

If she’s not a trained carer she’s not appropriate.

I think you missed read. She is paying the cleaner AND the neighbour

paying cleaner (wonderful woman) and neighbour to go over 2 twice a day when the time comes.

It’s not reasonable to ask a neighbour to go over twice a day and make her responsible for your mum. If DM needs that it’s time to start paying for care.

It appears the spare key has been stolen as it couldn't get off the ring by itself. Log the theft with 101 and explain that your mum is a vulnerable elderly woman at risk of whoever has that key. He is escalating, it won't be long before he uses that key to get back in and then won't leave. You'll find your own key doesn't work anymore.

It's gone past 'mum won't let me tell him get his stuff out' just tell him anyway. These kind of people are very very difficult to deal with, I understand how stressful it is especially with your mum being complicit but it is past time to put your foot down and assert your authority over him. Involving Police in the spare key going missing will show him you mean business.

Have you made your concerns known to Police that she is at risk of coercive control and financial exploitation. If not do so, regardless of what she says. You are only concerned for her you're not accusing him. Your mum is her own worst enemy in this case and you will never get rid of him unless you start letting him see you will take action.

You must insist on changing the locks on your next visit. Just tell her you’ve lost your own keys and may have dropped them outside her house. Pay for it yourself. Job done.

If you have PoA for health and welfare I’d consider inserting myself between them. Tell him you’ve got PoA and she’s too frail for house guests; and tell her if she asks that he doesn’t request to stay any more.

Oh god you must feel sick with this. I wonder about changing the locks again and keeping the master, giving your mum only one so he can't get it copied? That ring camera will help massively so you can see exactly what's happening. What a horrible leech. Very difficult as your mum is complicit. As it's her money, she can do what she wants. Horrible horrible man.

Ring doorbell or camera at the doors.

If he uses a key to access the house EVER, you'll know he's stolen it.

If it were me I'd tell him the spare key has gone missing so all the valuables he has in the house will need to be moved to storage unless the key turns up. You'll look for it for another week but if it's not found, you'll leave his things outside to make it easier for him to get them into a taxi/hire van etc.

When your mum does start to get frail, would you be able to take the spare room for yourself as you will be looking after your mum? So there will be no space for him etc? Maybe your sister also? So there is no way he can move in by sleuth? Or if you plan a paid live in carer then they need the room etc?

Does the poa mean you can make these decisions when she becomes frail? I.e. live in carer etc

Presumably unless you're there and can actually remove the key from his possession, there's nothing you can do?

Also glad you've got power of attorney OP. You're right it's complicated and if she feels lonely, she no doubt welcomes the company for a while.

Might it be possible to remove his belongings from the bedroom to the garage (maybe when he's not there) to avoid any claims he may make on living there.
And I'd get that lock changed again - if onloy to make the point to him that he's not entitled to a key.

I’m glad you’ve got the POA and he didn’t manipulate himself to get this .

His keeping stuff there is to prove residency. If your mum ends up in a care home they will not be able to sell her home as he can say he has lived there a long time. I am unsure of the law but I am fairly sure he would be considered her dependent and can continue living at her home. I think you need legal advice on this as his age is relevant, cannot throw a pensioner out, you can bet your mum's house he knows his legal position. Alternatively walk away and leave your mum to deal with him, she doesn't care how much it affects you and is doing this willingly. Let him have the money and the house, walk away and save your sanity. Tell her you are not going to be dragged in anymore.

An LPA can not be used in this way. An attorney cannot influence a donors’ will - and to make a will, the testator must have mental capacity, so there would be no reason for te attorney to be involved. OP’s mum has capacity and is perfectly capable of making her own decisions - even bad ones.

Your DM seems rather complicit in all this, I suspect she likes the company but finds it overwhelming on a long term basis.

I would be short with her if she complains "I can get him out tomorrow DM, just say the word" every time she starts up.

Ultimately it's her choice if she is of sound mind, but she must know by now what his end game is. It's a fat lot of use saying she won't let him live with her permanently when he's already there 25% of the year.

You knew this over twelve months ago, and nothing has changed.

His stuff is still stored in her garage. It doesn't matter how outrageously awful his behaviour and attitude and expectations are, nothing will change until you do something active about it.

Can you use her POA to advise whoever made her will she is not able to change it without you present. If he’s planning on being able to be there after she passes I’m sure he will try to sweet talk your mum to changing her will.

All the best op this must be so so stressful and frustrating for you