Relative burned through funds and now mooching

Op's mum would probably choose Mooch, he has some bizarre control over OP's mum and an ultimatum like that is exactly what he wants.

Worst case scenario for you OP - would you consider talking to your mother and telling her that if she continues to house this moocher, you will withdraw entirely and contact your solicitor to cease the LPA and you will cut her off?

Make it a you or him decision? It would be tough and you would have to be strong and just not respond to any of her pleas or requests for help and you would have to be ok with not being a recipient of any inheritance (if it came to that) but put it to her, while she still has her faculties, that it's either you or him?

Tell him your mums nosy neighbour had dobbed her in to the council so he can’t stay more than one night a month now.

Doesn't she get single person discount for council tax? I've no idea on the regulations around it, but might be worth looking into.

Would your mother consider selling up and buying a one bedroom property much closer to you?

I think he’s just moving in by stealth.

Good idea!

How frustrating that this miserable bastard is still mooching off your elderly mother’s good nature. I would be so enraged. I’m sure you are too. So stressful for you all.

Perhaps you could add an additional basic lock to the front door?

I think it is important for you (and family members of possible) to physically insert yourself into this situation on a regular basis by visiting even though you live a few hours away. Perhaps during his three week stay would be a good time to start. I hope you got the surgery you were waiting for and you are physically stronger now. I am not suggesting you are going to manhandle him out (!) but you become an irritant to him while ostensibly caring for your mother and arranging lovely treats with her. I would be tempted to get into the bedroom with his stored items and rearrange the boxes to free up space for visitors!

At the moment you are not worried about cognitive or physical decline but in time these things can be covered up if the main communication is by phone and your mother would then be extra vulnerable to persuasion.

You already have a camera set up for the front door so will see and hopefully screenshot evidence of him using the stolen key.

Of course, you, your husband and children have busy lives of your own to manage but this man is playing a long game so it would be unwise to let him feel too complacent. It is so stressful for you to be in this situation and feel powerless at your mother's complicity. I hope Xmas 2025 is very different for you.

I've had a thought - does your mum claim for any form of benefits that require her to be living alone? If so, can you impress on her that if this relative is shown to have stayed more than X number of days, she is likely to lose out of this benefit? Might that be a way to change her mind on his bloke?

I am sorry, I started re-reading this thread and it seems your DM and you are in the same situation as last year. I wonder what his excuses for staying beyond Christmas will be.

I think—not that it matters what I think—that OP and her mother and this man are trapped in the drama triangle—the more OP tries to rescue her mother the more her mother and this man wring their hands and pretend OP is persecuting him.

At the same time this is sucking up the last years of OP’s mother’s life. What a wastt!

No, I hadn't thought of the police. But when you posted about this creep over a year ago, there was a lot of good advice, some of it legal, and some of it practical. I would have thought you would have followed through on some of it and got his stuff out of the garage - that is what I was referring to.

Obviously, you are going to have to escalate this, soyes, perhaps do call the police. And as others have said, there is no lock that cannot be replaced.

If he is this bad now, how awful will he be to deal with and get out if your mother dies.

The difficulty is that all the time the OP’s DM has the capacity to make an informed choice, she has the right to make unwise choices.

Possession is 9 tenths of the law.

We all get that the problem is your mother treats him like a lovable scamp sibling of yours. So she can’t bring herself to say no and you don’t have a leg to stand on, legally. That is why the most sensible thing to do is bring extra judicial means to bear and just firmly dispossess him. Let him know that all future visits will be for a weekend only.

Ah he's not going to care about legalities. He'll just refuse to leave, claim your mum promised him all sorts (that's if he doesn't get her will changed in the meantime) and continue trying to get his hands on your mum's house while you go broke paying legal expenses to try get him out. People like this are a permanent headache.

I've been through something similar so I completely understand how you are feeling. Its easy for people to say "i would do this - I would do that - it's not that simple with these situations. It's beyond frustrating when DM just goes along with these leeches.

Just be sure he doesn't have any of his post going there. People like him are so conniving. He obviously does not give a fig what you think or feel. He is obviously taking major advantage of your DM's kind nature.

Maybe increase the camera surveillance options - not a bad idea to keep a better eye on your mum, but you could also cover the door he uses to get in. If he's using a key, then you have your proof. You can also make sure he isn't removing items from the house to sell etc.

The big guns come out at the point he tries to move in or establishes residency.

This will be far too late, he will be prepared. you will have too much on your hands, it could be tied up in court for years. You might never get rid of him.

I will go in and boot him out. There are more of us than there are of him. That’s not a problem. 2 sons and a husband. In fact my dd and I could probably handle the pipsqueak.

Do this now then.

The time to act is now. Venting now is not going to get this leech out of your mums house when she's gone, he's spent all her money and you have a fight for your mum's house on your hands. Now is when you need to take action.

Ok. You know him best. But he is desperate, and resentful, and quite willing to lie and steal to try to assure his own comfort. That kind of person can act viciously when cornered or denied.