Relative burned through funds and now mooching

Apolgies if its already been discussed in the plan - but, have you had accesss to your mothers will? Snakes like him- sorry, he is a snake - burned through all his money and now wants rescuing), If you mother was anything like mine, she will make a handsome provision for him in the will once her house and all her assets are sold. She won't be here to hear your protests. He knows she's been a soft touch. He so relentless and hard faced.

A word of caution....I will be vague as I was told in confidence.

A senior figure of a religious order retired to his home town..large property with a small house in the grounds...lent it rent free to a refugee, like the good book said, she was there years. Eventually asked my friend for help. Got her out...but years of paying for her utilities

Follow my father's advice...trust no one...you don't get hurt that way

The situation went on for years. After their relative’s death the abusive person had some inheritance and is absolutely fine because they have money which is what they wanted. There isn’t anyone else to hassle for money. They never were vulnerable, or actually without a home, but claimed they were in order to try to get money earlier and preferably also the house from their relative.

I could not agree with this more.

He will not give up easily.
Your poor mother is his retirement plan.
That makes her very vulnerable.

Would she sell up and move closer to you?
This could be more peaceful for you all than having this entitled grifter relentlessly at her door.

Have you actually thought how she would deal with him turning up, cap in hand, homeless?

Op, years ago it was an accepted idea that a woman would find it hard to run a household without a man and people like your mooching relative still love that idea, they're not cocklodging off an older female relative, they're trying to give her a "man about the house". He's spent his life spending money, not working, never worrying about the future until now, because he thought one day when it all fell apart he'd find a female relative to take care of him. You and your DM have been a considerable disappointment to him ( for which I commend you both). Living off someone else is the only retirement plan he had, I really can't see him giving up because he doesn't have anywhere else to go.
It's going to take a little while but moocher will be back- financially and emotionally he's stayed a child

An au pair would be fantastic.
Help about the house, shopping etc., and nice company.
Could be a great gig for the the right person.
Actually my neighbours grandchild lived with her gran for a few years before her grandmother moved in with another daughter.
Again it worked so well.
The thing is to have someone fill that roll that he wants.
Except he would expect your poor mother to be skivvying for him, like all selfish men.

If you can ban him for Christmas you can ban him for life. Now get his stuff out of the house and dropped off to wherever he's staying. It's a pity your mum wouldn't co-operate with you this time last year but I'm glad you've put your foot down. You were obviously getting in his way so he escalated to try squeeze money from your mum. He'll probably still try something else, he'll stay quiet until he thinks things have cooled down. Don't take your eye off the ball for a second!

I think moving his stuff into storage and giving him 3 months to sort it would be very fair.

I swear I would be trying to locate someone very very reliable to live with your mother, rent free, so she is not alone.

My neighbours did this with their mother.
A young woman known through a family friend is staying with her whilst she attends university and keeps an eye out for her.
They have become great pals and my neighbour is loving all the girly gossip and drama that this lovely young woman tells her about.
It has been a great success.
She lives rent free and the family know that they have someone keeping her company and watching out for her.

@coldcallerbaiter

I agree with getting his stuff out of her house. That will leave no excuse for him to 'have' to go to her house to 'get his things' and start playing on her emotions

BUT, you can't put things in storage under another person's name because there is a contract/agreement with the storage facility and you can't sign making a third party liable for payments. That makes you liable for the monthly payments. Sure, you could tell him to make the payments, but it would be your 'default' if he didn't and that might affect your credit rating.

I'd say your best bet would be to move his things to any kind of 'free storage' you can figure out, be that your mum's garage or your place (if that's feasible). You could then arrange to be there when he picks up his stuff and shield your mum that way. Or better yet, get Mum out of the house until he's gone.

Put his stuff in storage and pay for a month, then give him the key and tell him that he has 30 days to remove the items. Let it be his problem to sort out.

Agree with the other wise posters that getting rid of his stuff should be the oroject for 2025. Find out how to do it—whether there are legal restrictions on how you do it—and then just do it. Brutality is, sadly, the only thing that will kill his illusion of being able to keep coming back.

@coldcallerbaiter you wrote - "I do think he will be back in touch though"

The thing to do now is for you to be the ones to get in touch with him first. Don't wait for him to contact you - you contact him (on behalf of your very stressed and upset mother who he is not to contact and any contact with her will further stress and upset her and he wouldn't want that now would he) and tell him that he has 14 days to collect his belongings from her house.
You have spent X days boxing them up and wrapping them up in bubble wrap or old newspapers so they are not damaged in any way and should he fail in that task, you'll be either donating them to the local charity shops or arranging a skip so they can be disposed of in one go.

It should be easy enough for him to sell his belongings and contact the council as he is homeless now. Let him be their problem going forwards.

Onwards to 2025!!

Given that he perceives your mother as his best option then I am sure you are right. He will be back unfortunately.
I have been following your thread with considerable sympathy, having dealt with a similar situation. It is horrible and we couldn’t relax due to some other manoeuvres or stunts being pulled if we seemed not to be looking in their direction.
The escalation was inevitable and in our case too they broke the relationship. The hard luck stories and emotional bullying tactics were something else!
The trouble is the abuser is absolutely dedicated to their own cause and thinks of nothing else but how to get their own way.
I have my fingers crossed that you can continue to hold him off.

Brilliant news and second keeping the momentum up. Personally I'd write to him as I previously suggested (at his current address!). It might be helpful to let him know that while he may not get state support straight away if not paid enough in, he will (I think! Perhaps check?) be entitled to some support (through Income Support, or similar). But he needs to sign on straight away if he hasn't already. You need to make it clear that your dmum, cannot provide the level of support she was but may be able to support visits if he's got himself into a position to support himself, but that he cannot ever expect things to go back to the way they were.

Do you have a video bell?
I think a couple of nanny cams with your mothers agreement, placed judiciously in her house might be wise.

He is a grifter with diminishing options.
Do not underestimate him.

Glad your mum is truly seeing his true colours and phony escalation tactics and said no to the request for £30k and had the locks changed. Utter leach. Such a relief!

I'd now arrange to send his items to storage in his name, then send him a letter saying his belongings will be placed in storage and 1-3 months rent paid for said storage, but he'll have to take over from there or his items will be sold by the facility.

Might even be worth moving his stuff in new boxes to your house so your mother is completely clear of it and giving him 14 days to collect it from your house so every last bit of his possessions at your mother's house are cleared out.

Strike while your mother is still in this frame of mind and gather all of his stuff that he is storing in your mother's place (even if you have to spend a few ££ on plastic crates/boxes to put it in) and tell him that he has X number of days to arrange for it to be collected and put into storage in a storage facility or you'll be hiring a skip as soon as they become available and the place re-opens after Christmas and his stuff will be ending up in the skip. His call.

Don't hang around now. Your mother has finally started to see him for what he is, rather than wearing the rose tinted specs that he gave her to make her believe he was something and someone different.

Great update though!

Brilliant update @coldcallerbaiter . Your DM isn't the easy touch she seemed, she was being kind until he pushed his luck too far. He really is shameless, wasting the nhs time at Christmas.
Hopefully he'll go and annoy someone else now but I wouldn't take that for granted

Go and pack his stuff whilst he's at the bars.