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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Relative burned through funds and now mooching

660 replies

coldcallerbaiter · 04/11/2023 22:41

AIBU to get involved? I have not said too much to him yet

So my cousin lost his parents in his 20s and got easily a million pounds in those days. He is around 60 now. Never had a job, playboy lifestyle in the Far East, womanising, divorces, no kids. Now he is back in the UK and has nowhere to go. Will not admit he is skint but then hints to live with my elderly mum in her spare room. He is not entitled to benefits as he never lived here and did not pay in or get credits. I do not know if he will even get a state pension later on. I think he should get a job and pay his rent somewhere but I doubt he will as working is beneath him, especially as it would be unskilled stuff, he wants to mooch off her. He has expensive tastes too and is in and out at night probably to bars. My mum is now phoning me worried in case he will not leave, also her quiet life is being disturbed

They are actually close as she was like a mother to him before he left to go abroad and were in touch all the years with visits.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 04/11/2023 23:14

She shouldn't come to you. As you say, he will think the place is his own then.

It's a horrible situation, and she should've said no to him in the first place, but she's obviously too nice. I think she needs to give him a deadline, like January 1.

Babyroobs · 04/11/2023 23:14

coldcallerbaiter · 04/11/2023 23:06

He says rents are too high for him to afford!! And look at all the space my mum has in her house. My mum says she is not sleeping with the worry. I said come to me mummy but she is worried he will take her house if she stays with me for a while.

Tell him to go and present himself to the council as homeless. Your mum has no obligation to house him.

Babyroobs · 04/11/2023 23:12

determinedtomakethiswork · 04/11/2023 22:58

It makes you wonder why the hell anyone pays national insurance the result is just the same without paying it.

Your poor mum. I think she will need your support in getting him to leave.

Yes I've helped someone to claim recently. Spent their life bumming around Australia then came back when they reached pension age and were awarded full Pension credit of £200 a week plus all rent and council tax paid. If you are a Uk citizen the government obviously won't leave people homeless or with nothing to live on.

Babyroobs · 04/11/2023 23:10

He will get pension credit when he turns state pension age. I have helped people to claim it recently when they've not lived here for years and never paid NI contributions. he should actually also be able to claim Universal credit now if he can pass the habitual residency test and show that he is settled here. he would of course need to look for work for 35 hours a week assuming no medical conditions which prevent him doing so.

Original poster
coldcallerbaiter · 04/11/2023 23:06

He says rents are too high for him to afford!! And look at all the space my mum has in her house. My mum says she is not sleeping with the worry. I said come to me mummy but she is worried he will take her house if she stays with me for a while.

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 04/11/2023 23:01

Yep you need to intervene, and tell him to go. A live in companion or caretaker job is a good idea - anything with accommodation

Original poster
coldcallerbaiter · 04/11/2023 22:59

@PosterBoy No not close, as a child I was, he was a lot older than me though.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 04/11/2023 22:58

It makes you wonder why the hell anyone pays national insurance the result is just the same without paying it.

Your poor mum. I think she will need your support in getting him to leave.

PosterBoy · 04/11/2023 22:47

He'll be fine. He can claim benefits if he has moved back permanently and he'll get pension credit instead of pension once he is 67. You might need to intervene to get him to move out though. Are you close with him if your mother stepped in as a mother figure?

PermanentTemporary · 04/11/2023 22:46

I think she needs to do water on stone and keep asking him about leaving. Then eventually she will probably have to evict him. What a nightmare.

He could probably very easily get some kind of live-in carer type role and I think that's his best bet. What a waste.