Relative burned through funds and now mooching

Absolutely do not let him stay until Christmas. He won’t move out then either. Give him two weeks to find somewhere else.

You need to get him out NOW. This has all the hallmarks of the types who weasel themselves into an elderly person’s home, become their “carer”, get them to alter their will when they get old and frail, and end up owning the house. Get him out. It’s not fair for your mother to be worrying about him being there and inconveniencing her. That’s a good enough reason to get him gone right now.

This is a serious situation. Your mum could worry herself to death, he could claim tenants rights if she died. He must be made to leave NOW as the longer he stays the harder it will be to remove him. All his things must go to. Change the lock so he cant get back in the house because he will try. You have to intervene for your mum's sake even if she says let him stay a bit longer. He will take complete advantage of her kindness and effectively take over her home.

Of course you have to speak to him and tell him to go! She’s your mum, not his. Get some back up if you have to, and get him out. I wouldn’t hesitate for one second. It would be different if she actually wanted him there and he was going to contribute in some way. He’ll be trying to get her to change her will next.

This won't end well.

I'll bet he ends up with your Mums house.

Had a relative by marriage in a similar situation, except it was her millionaire daughter back from abroad, giving a shopping list expensive wine etc, paying nothing towards it. Her on a very small pension. Eventually we told her she must act , eventually she did! You cannot mooch off someone,as mooch means to wander.

Your mother is experiencing elder abuse if she is feeling helpless and there is financial loss including manipulation to make her spend/ potentially lose her home.

He needs to be gone asap.

This is not a joke. Please read up on this and call somewhere like Age UK for advice.

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/relationships-family/protection-from-abuse/

Your poor mother. This is very concerning and the last thing a pensioner needs. However, it also enrages me that the tax payers needs to cover fuckers like this. He is bad news as anybody with an iota of integrity would see the situation he is putting your mother in. I hope you can get him to leave soon. He could be counting on the house for when your mum passes away. He may have a premeditated plan coming back here.

He needs to accept responsibility for his existence. Life isn't a long party and now his party's over, he needs to get a job, a place to live, clear his debts, make a budget. All that adult stuff, which isn't exactly fun but absolutely necessary. Help him plan and prioritise, make some meals or buy groceries for him until he's working but don't give him money.

That must of been organised in advance, getting all his furniture over here..did no one thinks to say no at that point.
I predict this will turn nasty ,I think he feels entitled to be there ,so will cling on to the end,he has nothing to loose ..be careful the stress of this does not put your mum in an early grave..he will then claim squatters rights,or just refuse to leave .I think u need a solicitors letter to get him out

Does your mum plan to stay in her house forever? Or does she want to downsize eventually? If she does want to downsize, maybe now is a good time? Get a nice 1 bed retirement flat or something? Make you power of attorney so he can't try and get house sale money off her. Then that's a good excuse to get him to move on.

For the short term either of you should tell him that as he's no longer staying as a guest and more like a lodger, he must at least start contributing to her bills and food. In fact he should buy all groceries and pay all bills and do all his own laundry and cleaning too. Your mum should definitely stop acting like a skivey for him.

@Jk8 Are you the moocher? 😆
Get a grip.

This really bugs me. Not just the no job for life, and then legging it back to the UK for benefits, but also the mooching off of old people.

OP, There’s no way this is not going to be messy, with him having moved in his furniture. He’s there for the long haul in his mind. You can bet he has his eye your mothers house after she passes.

Get rid of him. Tell him to go to citizens advice for benefits. Get a date, tell him to be out by that date.

Do you live near enough to pack a bag and go visit for a few days, putting him on the sofa and you in the spare room? You could be a useful irritant in person rather than just helping over the phone. He is going to take real prising to move on and the sooner you start the better! Don't be guilt-tripped about 'family' and 'Christmas'.

@Jk8 You've got some serious issues! Are you the moocher?

devils advocate here but.... no he cant just 'go out & get a job' with no work experiance or contacts because you dont think its fair he had alot of money & spent it (over nearly 40 years its about £25,000 a year! hardly pissing it up on demand)

& if your mother acted like his mother & has been taking holidays to visit him/inviting him to come visit for litterally decades while he's taken nothing from her & is now too afraid to tell him to leave as it will make her look bad when hes hinting at staying you both sound like thoroughly unpleasent people

also as others have pointed he will qualify for a pension in 6 years & may qualify for housing now so hardly a burden now hes no longer the fun relative with all the storys is he ?!?

Just be honest you don't want to be apart of his life now the cash has dried up & he needs to register with the council

Your mom needs to find out what establishes tenancy rights where she is. Depending on location, simply living there, getting mail is enough, and would require legal eviction.

Get him the heck out now before he establishes rights, assuming he hasn’t already.

Don't wait, OP. Tell him to leave today. He's an unwanted guest. I would mention going to the police if he doesn't leave. Don't fuck around.

Omg please do NOT wait until Xmas!
You need to be frank and straight up with him now!
Put the pressure on constantly. Are you looking? Have you found anything? Here's some jobs I've found..

A 60 year old sponging off a pensioner?
Not contributing and having his laundry done and requesting wine with dinner? How utterly embarrassing!

He is seriously taking advantage.

Was clearly his plan.
Sorry if this sounds mean or cynical but I wouldn't be surprised if he's bided his time for the right moment to move in, done it quickly and shifted a lot if stuff in on purpose to make it harder to leave. Not being funny but he might even be waiting for your Mum to pass on so he can try and claim the house crying homelessness. Or maybe even hoping that if your mum feels sorry enough for him she'll put him in her will somewhere..

Sorry he needs to go ASAP!!

Hmmm, does your mum need a new patio? Sounds like no one would miss him...

I suspect from what you have said that living with your mother has been his back up plan for some time. He will have known that at some point his money would run out and probably banked on living with your mother when this eventually happened. That day has now come.

It is likely that he will see your mothers house not just as a home for him but as a potential inheritance too. You need to get him out of the property asap, he needs to confront the reality of his changed circumstances.

If he had the means to move out he wouldnt have moved in with your mother - he needs to sell his furniture if he has to and move out. The money he is spending on going out at night, is money he could be spending on rent.

Perhaps she should give him a firm date to leave by, even if it’s after Xmas?

If I where you I'd take him to the side and lay it out straight that he needs to find alternative accommodation by the end of the month. That your mother is on a pension and can't afford to keep him.

Agree with everyone else you are both being too passive!! He doesn’t care about how your mum feels so why are you both pandering to him

He’s had 5 weeks already and your mum isn’t sleeping and you want to wait till after Christmas!!! Tell him end of the month and then change the locks if need be

If she's doing his laundry, buying his food and wine then that shit needs to stop NOW.

I don't think I'd start charging him anything, that might give him some sort of 'tenant' relationship. And I'd be checking on that, too. Is there a point at which he will have lived there long enough for her home to be considered his 'abode?

But from right now I'd tell Mum to nix any wine/booze and start serving skimpy bland meals. If he complains she can tell him that's all she can afford due to the rising cost of living. And if he's putting his dirty clothes in the basket or laundry room to be washed, tell her to pile them on his bed and tell him he'll need to do his own laundry from now on. Make him want to leave.