Relative burned through funds and now mooching

Take some steps yourself @coldcallerbaiter . I would move his stuff out firstly. Find a storage facility and pay for the first month. Can you invite him to stay with you for a bit, just to get him out of your mum's house?

Not sure what happened to my post 🤔

Your mother needs to officially charge her nephew lodgings.
He should apply for any government assistance that is due to him and pay fairly for wear and tear on your mother's home, power etc and for food and extra for the burden he places on her.

She needs to stipulate on paper how long he can stay and keep reminding him and then charging double every month he over stays.
Your mother could suggest that he mows lawns for people, cleans windows and contacts job agencies and apply for work.
Does your mother wish you to be her intermediary in communicating with your cousin? That could be a good idea.

There needs to be a firm date (in fact I'd back it up in writing) but in the meantime your mum needs to make it much less comfortable for him there. No more cooking and laundry, he can look after himself and buy his own bloody wine.

This is elder abuse.

You need to talk to your mum.

If she wants him out then you can contact the police if necessary to get him out.

He has no right to stay.

Contact AgeUK and see what advice they have.

But if she is just going to complain to you about him, while not prepared to do anything about getting him out, then you need to decide are you prepared to listen to her.

He's a user who could well have an eye on her home and rights to it.

Echoing everyone else. Get him out now. Do not delay. I’ve seen relatives like this. I predict it’s going to get nasty.

He is never going to leave now he’s in. The council won’t care because he’s a single man. The most they’ll do is put him in a hostel somewhere.

Make sure your mum doesn’t sign anything he asks her to. If he wants her to sign anything make sure she gets you to read it first.
my imagination is running wild. He may try to get power of attorney or for her to sign the house over to him.

She definitely needs to stop with buying him wine and doing his laundry.

Have you a few burly relatives or family friends to “help” him on his way?

Honestly op I can’t see this ending well unless you get tough with him and stop pussyfooting around.

It makes me absolutely furious.

I used to talk to a Big Issue seller years ago. Made sure I bought from him regularly, hard on his luck, older fella etc. Then I found out bit by bit that he used to be a drug dealer. He'd lived the high life all over the world. Never paid a penny in tax anywhere. But what really stuck in my craw was that he used to go on about immigrants coming over here and getting benefits! Never bought from him again.

OP find your anger with this man. He's not only a lazy fucker, he's also selfish and unkind. Who would expect an older woman to look after them waiting hand and foot? You have to take control of this situation before he does start claiming to be your mother's carer/dependent etc. He'll probably start to say he has physical or mental health issues or that she does; anything to stay in her house.

He's very lucky to have had a safe landing and to live in a country where you don't have to put anything in to get something out. Personally I think anyone who has lived abroad all of their adult lives shouldn't be allowed to return and claim benefits. It's outrageous. But thems the rules and we have to suck it up. What we don't need to do is make it extra comfortable for these people. Get him out of your mother's house and into a bedsit. If he wants something better he'll have to work for it.

You cannot mooch off someone,as mooch means to wander.

I thought so too. I had a mooch around a local market yesterday.

This wastrel is a scrounger. He is scrounging off the OP's mum.

@coldcallerbaiter your mum needs to stop doing his washing and buying his food and wine. I hope she isn't paying for his phone as well.

Have you got some male relations who will go around and ‘persuade’ him out of the door and then change the locks. He will probably manage to get his hands on the poor lady’s bank accounts and then work to get her to transfer the house to her. My parents let relations live in part of their house for free and it cost £50,000 in legal fees to remove them!

He can claim benefits if he's a British passport holder. Try and find him a bedsit and please stop your DM buying wine for him, he sounds like he hasn't lived in the real world and all the people he had in his life before were false.

I would put something in writing to him stating how kind it is that mums let him stay for a few weeks and that he should visit citizens advice asap to find out about financial help from the state in preparation for moving out on January 10th. You both thought a good amount of notice would be helpful. Mum will need her house back to herself on this date.

if he refuses to leave on the date ask the police to remove him.

No, someone needs to sit him down and do straight talking.

you cannot live here. You need to move by dec 15th.
you made your choices and spent your money. The answer is no.

He's taking advantage big time and it sounds like it's detrimental to your Mum. She should not have to deal with this type of CF at her age. You need to give him a deadline

You all just need to speak up and be blatant. Give him a specific day to move out by. Tell him she has friends coming to stay or just tell him she wants her space back. And tell him to have two big burly fellas who can 'help' him move his stuff. You're all just pussy footing around him.

Can you move in with your mum to take up that space instead? Also was he ever generous with your mum in terms of his fortune in the past, which may be why he's rightly or wrongly "expecting" some payback now?

But this is a difficult relationship thought isn't it ? He's not 'mooching off a pensioner' he's pushing boundaries with somebody who's acted like a parent to him the bulk of his adult life (the same life he's been financially stable in due to inheretence/living abroad, various marriages ect.) & whos actively avoiding telling him to leave / No to the wine because she doesn't want the status quo to change but it has to if it's going to end hasnt it ? Somebodys going to have to pull the plug on his plans on staying with his family & OP has openly criticised his lifestyle even though its never cost her anything

You need to tell him to find somewhere else to live now, not after Christmas.

It’s not going to end well. He sounds like an entitled cocklodger. Yes, intervene and advocate for your mum. He’s a grown man and perfectly capable of looking after himself. Stop the wine buying and expensive food for a start. I guess your mum was allowing this at first to be polite, but that time has passed.

OP doesn't have the right to tell him that. Her mother needs to woman up and tell him to leave.

He’s taking the biscuit, but somehow you and your mum don’t seem to see the urgency and act right now. Judging by his behaviour he has no normal plans to resolve his situation. He will still be in the same self inflicted situation next week/month/year. Get him out now before he weasels his way into your mums finances. To boot, your mum doesn’t sound comfortable in her OWN home. I really don’t understand why this needs any further debate. He should go asap.

Please get him out. If he lives there for a length of time and has no income and your mum let's him stay rent free, she pays all the Bill's including buying food for them both then he becomes her dependent. Tgat opens a dangerous can of worms. It gives him a claim on her will in the event of her death. You must remove him from the house as soon as possible. Your mum can support him by staying in touch once he moves out. He is manipulating her, protect your mum, she needs protection from him even if she doesn't fully realise it.

He's in! She will never get him out now.

You’re quite mad. He’s poncing off an elderly lady and has taken over her house. He wasn’t sharing his fortune with anyone, the selfish fucker blew it all on himself now he’s demanding she buys wine with her pension?

Oh come on, tell him to fuck right off.