Relative burned through funds and now mooching

Family A lives in a council house and spends all their income on booze, ciggies, tattoos and other wasteful things, never saving a penny, hardly ever working. Come old age, having nothing saved, they get every benefit going.

Family B live in an identical council house but they work hard and pay into a pension, ISAs and even buy their council house. They go without, not having too much because they are saving for their future.

Come their retirement, they get no benefits and they are asked to use up all their savings and then sell their house to pay for nursing care, leaving them with next to nothing to hand down.

Family A have almost the same but Family A had the benefit of spending all their income.

The kids of Family B pledge never to give the state anything after being robbed blind to feed the layabout Family A.

OP, you are mad if you allow him to stay until Christmas. I'd fully expect you to be back on here, saying that he won't go or he's pulled some other stroke so that he can remain in your Mum's house. I'd put money on the fact that he won't leave of his own accord. How have these "friends" who long for his scintillating presence only just materialised? I thought he had nowhere else to go? He's making it up as he goes along, and what you've doing is letting him get away with it. He's laughing at you all. This thread is bonkers.

Well done, OP.

You've seen right through him, and that showed in his response. He doesn't give two hoots about your mum, it was his own living circumstances he cared about.

Does she have any other income? If not, has she done a Benefit Calculator to see if she is entitled to claim Guaranteed Pension Credit?

Sorry, just saw your update! Good for you. But if he is nasty to her, he will have to go sooner, and you may have to go and stay there for a while. I kind of hope he does not get benefits, he needs to pay the consequences for his actions. Bet if it comes down to it, he will find a way to manage (use his hidden funds).

Dont wait until after Christmas! He needs to go by the end of the month. It is not up to him when he will stay until! You may need someone to go down and back her up/talk to him directly and to stay so he does not make her life miserable during the count down.

Your mum doesn't want or need that so-called help from him, though, does she?

The longer he stays the harder to get him out. Pack his belongings and put them on the doorstep and change the locks. Absolutely disgraceful that not only is he happy to live off a pensioner but he's got her skivvying after him. He has no repect for your mother whatsoever and doesn't care about the impact he is having on her. Why care about how he feels. He needs some tough love.

Nothing is set in stone, your mum can withdraw the offer of accommodating him over Christmas. He has no intention of leaving, ever. Pack his stuff and put it outside, get the locks changed. Contact Police and Social Services, explain your concerns to them. Have your mum speak to her solicitor and tell them she is worried she might be bullied into changing her will. Have someone keep an eye on your mum while you're away. As PP said get a Land Registry alert, check your mum's credit. Also have her cancel her cards and get new ones issued. If she has any passwords change them. Get her a camera doorbell.

Mooch replied that all he wanted to do was support and care for dm in her old age and as she was widowed and alone now

Your mum is not alone, she has you. This guy is playing a long game. He's portraying himself as the caring person who only wants to look after your mum, as if she had no one else to do so. He's grooming her, he's trying to distance her from you with the idea that only he will be looking after her. The coercive control has already started.

Don't wait a minute more. Get him and his stuff out. Get his stuff out of your mum's garage, put it in the garden and tell him he has 3 days to move it or it's going in a skip. Ignore any reasons, excuses or pleas from him.

Get him out tonight.

That loser needs booting out right away. Be honest and tell him everything you’ve told us. What an entitled prick.

It depends how long he has been back in the UK. If he's been outside the UK for more than 4 weeks in the last 2 years then he won't be entitled to Universal Credit

I don’t think he’s going to take this lying down. He’ll work on your DMum to get her to invite him to live with her full time, and rubbish you to her while he’s doing it.

Very well done OP. It’s good you’ve got the ball rolling. And he’s definitely let the mask slip by admitting he was planning on staying there permanently, all along!
Some very good advice above, about ensuring that he hasn’t set anything in motion that’s going to allow him to weasel his way back in.
Put everything you’ve said in writing to him and send it signed-for delivery, and keep a copy for yourself.

'will find somewhere else to live'

Interesting choice of words. So he fully planned to live there, not stay for a few weeks as a guest.

'Mooch replied that all he wanted to do was support and care for dm in her old age and as she was widowed and alone now.'

Again, he viewed this as a long term arrangement. Not that either you or your Mum asked him to be her carer.

He has given himself away and been busted.

I would follow up that call in writing confirming that he will be gone, at the very latest, by Xmas, and confirm that neither you or your Mum envisaged or wanted him to take on any caring role for her. Maybe worth pointing out that in fact it has been the other way round with her catering for him and doing laundry on a daily basis.

This will not be the end of it, I'm sure.

@FerretFarago is spot on! He is a taker so be extra careful!

Oh he's the gift that keeps giving. He wanted to care for your DM! Nah. He was setting himself up nicely for the rest of his life in her home and he's been busted.

If he mentions it again ignore the want to her but tell him she's not alone.

Interesting choice of word. I wonder if he's used that before.

Just thinking, when he leaves, I'd recommend changing the locks in your mum's front door and any other external door that he might have made a copy of the key for.

Better to be safe!

@coldcallerbaiter in relation to this part of your update:
"I called mooch and said he needs to find somewhere else straight after xmas.

Mooch replied that all he wanted to do was support and care for dm in her old age and as she was widowed and alone now. He is disappointed in my hostile attitude and will find somewhere else to live and do not expect him to run and help her if she needs it (I never expected that anyway). He will probably move far away near his friends who want him around."

I would have jumped in when he said that with "Oh, that's wonderful. Would there be any chance you could start looking sooner rather than later? Strike while the iron is hot sort of thing?" so that if he did find somewhere to move to, he could and he'd be out of your hair possibly before Christmas.
I also would have pulled him up on wanting to be a carer vs him wanting to be cared for - I mean who gets their sheets washed as regularly as he does by an 80 yr old woman and gets fed etc. etc. etc.

Good for you though for getting that ball in motion to begin with. So many people put up with 'guests' like this bloke simply because they hate making the initial move to get them to move on.

@coldcallerbaiter - have read all your posts but not the full thread.

Just from personal experience - when doing the POA forms, get it written there that your mum is happy for you to be paid for caring for her (or family&friends). Even if you don't take the money, or need it or whatever at the time, it is written in there that she has decided and agreed to it. Otherwise it will be an application to the Court of protection which will take over a year, at cost to yourself.

All sounds like a bit of a nightmare, but hopefully Mooch will flounce off in dramatics and remove himself from it all and make your and your mum's lives a bit easier and less confrontational post Christmas!

…and he needs to pay for and cook his own meals, do his own laundry and change his bedding until he moves out!

I think your DMum would be wise to change the locks after he’s moved on, put a Land Registry property alert on her house and check that no one takes out credit in her name.

He may do something to keep a tie to the house such as leaving his stuff in her garage or getting his post sent there.

I called my mum, I had already told her not to worry, I said I will speak to mooch and blame me for any unpleasantness.

Oh, good on you. Here's hoping the slimy little sucker does slope off after Christmas. Your poor mother.

Mooch replied that all he wanted to do was support and care for dm in her old age and as she was widowed and alone now.

Hahahahaha!

Well done @coldcallerbaiter . I'm sure you weren't rude, and his response sounds horribly manipulative. If all he wanted to do was care for your mother he wouldn't have let her wait on and provide for him. And she is not alone; she has you.

It is very sad he lost his parents young, but that was decades ago and I don't think there is any particular need to cut him any slack now. As others have said above, make sure he really does go and that he does not now play on your mother's sympathies some more.

Just don't let your guard down quite yet. It's not over until he's actually gone.

Don't be surprised if these 'friends who want him' suddenly have no room for him and he starts playing on your mum's emotions.

IKR I would have said that to him. And OP may well have to in future as I doubt he will go quietly.