Relative burned through funds and now mooching

Sorry, haven’t read the whole thread.

Your Mum may be entitled to pension credit and other benefits. However, having a non dependent living with her could affect this. At the very least, assuming she lives in the property on her own, she should be getting single discount on council tax. If he moves in, she’ll need to pay full council tax.

On a previous post you mentioned in passing that 'he is used to buying women. I won’t say which country as it’s outing but you might guess.'

Why did he leave this hedonistic paradise in which he lived for so long? Don't they have a non-contributory benefits system to keep him in his old age? Maybe suggest he would be happier returning there.

This is so right. He has total contempt for women, so a man like this would not think twice about swindling an elderly lady - he'll then take off abroad most likely, so that will be that. I cannot work out how anyone in their right mind would leave their elderly mother to cope with this accident waiting to happen and just hop off on holiday! Beggars belief.

The police may need to eject him if he’s unwilling to leave

Wow a live in carer who expects to be fed and watered and have his bed sheets changed daily…. Who is the cater again??
He’s such a fool to sell property that was giving him a steady income… but I’m sure he’s hidden all his assets so that he will be entitled to benefits after being here so long.

I agree that this is by no means over and that your mother could be at risk while you are away.

On a previous post you mentioned in passing that 'he is used to buying women. I won’t say which country as it’s outing but you might guess.'

To reiterate: if this means what it seems to mean, it should tell you all you need to know about the (low) calibre of person you are dealing with. A man who preys on vulnerable women in that way, is pond life. That is a person with no morals; the person whom your mother is living with, and who will be attending your Xmas celebrations alongside your teenage children. I think it would be safe for you to presume the worst about him.

This whole thing is making me very nervous. I can see him refusing to go by making 101 different reasons why he cannot or getting aggressive.

I really wouldn't have it particularly now we know his game plan.

Yes, I can understand feeling like there is a 'plan' regarding holiday and Christmas, but that feeling is part of a denial that the OP's mother needs her help now, and bad things do happen all too often with elder care.

I would be straight with him "leave my mum alone" don't be polite, don't beat around the bush. He is out of order.

THIS.

I think Xmas is far too long. Especially if he's expecting DM to foot the bill for expensive food and drink and all his utilities (clean sheets every day?! Wtf?!)

I understand DM thinks he should be with family for Xmas, and that's fine if it's what she wants. But I really think he should move out now, and come back for a few days, prearranged start and end dates, over Xmas. Just like any other Xmas visitor. Him being there for Xmas does not mean he has to be there all of Nov and Dec!

She or you can tell him he needs to leave on the xth date (after you come back from hol?) as she has other guests coming and needs the room. Tell him now so he has a couple of weeks notice to find somewhere to go, but be firm that his visit is over on x date and he's welcome back to stay for 5 days between Xmas and new year or whatever.

This exactly. I don't think OP understands how serious a situation this is and even being away for a week on holidays while he's still there is dangerous. She could easily return to find the locks changed and her mum out of the house. He will take a chance while she's out of the country to do something, he needs to be gone before OP leaves for her holiday.

I can only hope OP that you have followed advice here and made concerns known to Police, Social Services, your mums solicitor and her bank. A holiday will not be worth your mum losing her home and savings.

This, exactly.

Well done.
He might not be able to claim benefits as he has too much money saved up.

I really don't think it's getting through to the OP, so it's a bit of a waste of time. It's all dandy saying she doesn't want any hassle while she's away and that the leech staying over Christmas is 'non negotiable', but the leech didn't 'negotiate' with anyone before he moved in, did he - so why give him the benefit of time?

And between now and Christmas it's a dead certainty that he'll have formulated a plan to stay or will just flatly refuse to move out. This going to rebound big-time.

Yes to all all of this. He’s being quiet about it now but he won’t go quietly.

And he’s now got 2 months to work on your mum.

I wouldn’t even leave her in the house with him personally.

Personally I would call age concern for legal advice, they are hot on this. Financial elder abuse is a criminal offense. They will advise a call to police and adult social services, they will give you your mum's rights re not having an unwanted guest who is manipulative and refusing to leave. I suspect he won't want a visit from the police. Your mum will need to be firm that she wants him to leave, no feeling sorry for him. You need it logged with adult services that she is vulnerable and he has form for mooching. He is clearly making a move on the house and savings, get him out now.
Are your mum's valuables, jewelry, paperwork, bank statements, savings safely filed away. I agree with pp his stuff needs to go into storage, give a date or you will call in house clearance company. He is going to play hardball, beg, bully, refuse, get police involved.

I wonder if your mum would be ok with you getting a signed statement from him that he agrees he is leaving on XX date. If he'd even sign such a statement, of course. And assuming it doesn't create any kind of tenant rights.

If he stays over Christmas he's sorted it in his mind that he has managed a permanent position. Get rid as soon as possible. The longer he stays the harder to dislodge him. He's a leech.

Could you get the ball rolling by getting him to move his things out of your DM's garage and into a storage locker before Christmas? For that matter, why was he even given access to the garage?
Do you have siblings who can help you get him out?

Well done op.

Don't let your guard down until the moocher is gone!

So his intention was to inveigle his way into a carer role without any consultation with you or your DM it seems. He hoped he'd take up residence in the spare bedroom by stealth and mooch off your mum. What a cad, ha!

He's slippery and manipulative IMO. If he cared about your DM he wouldn't be imposing on her goodwill or stating he won't help her in the future if he can't be hosted free of charge as long as he likes. Don't let your guard down with him. Christmas should be interesting, OP!

Well done on having a chat to him op.
Presumably these "friends" are the ones he's been yapping to daily on the phone?
He's clearly got money to spend as well if he's out and about at all hours at night. Very odd.
Sounds like if he was staying with her yearly for 3 weeks at a time and she's his mother figure, he assumed he'd be welcomed back to stay open ended.
From his reaction, he seems to think you should be grateful to have him there "looking after" your mum!

Agree on getting locks changed and lasting power of attorney applied for.
With the benefits, MIL who retired abroad 20 odd years ago can't claim anything in UK until she's lived back here for 2 years.
Had to move back to live with us after a fall and dementia diagnosis.
She was already getting state and private pensions but will eventually hopefully be entitled to attendance allowance and carers.

Totally not on, the longer he stays the more he will get used to it and expect it. Time to step in big time before he gets his feet under the table, which your Mum has already recognised. Little sympathy here, he's lived a life we would all dream of, no responsibilities, been reckless, now expects others to continue to keep him in the way he is accustomed to. Time for a reality check, selfish and beyond immature.

Your main priority now is to protect your Mum and let her enjoy her retirement years as she longed to, it's not her job to look after your irresponsible cousin or anyone else's, it's his. He's moved back to the UK after a life of indulgence and it's lovely they've been close but it doesn't mean she has to spend her last years serving him, which sounds like what he's expecting?

Good that you had the conversation OP but I think you're making a mistake to let him stay until after Christmas.
The longer he stays the harder it will be to get him out. I'd have said the end of this month that's it.