Relative burned through funds and now mooching

From the op Thanks for asking! He did not come over to mine for Christmas but he is moving out from my mums on the 2nd Jan

"He will be there for Christmas but I think he has to go after".

Yeah, right, that worked well. Good luck with getting him out, OP. You're going to need it.

I just hope come 3rd of January you're not still trying to get him out OP. Fingers crossed for you and your mum.

Wow he’s taken his time!

Good update.

This, with knobs on.

That's good news OP, I hope you and your Mum have had a good Christmas

@coldcallerbaiter

Have you managed to get the situation resolved? Hope it hasn't been too stressful for your mum.

Nah.

I remember being a teenager and it's reserved for a particular type of man who exudes lasciviousness. Odd bods might be called weirdos but not creeps. @billy1966 is spot on as nearly always and you aren't as usual.

Yet another disgusting misogynistic man manipulating and taking advantage of women.

I wouldn't trust him an inch OP, nor believe a word he says. He's playing a long game and he is still dictating terms to your mother. Both you and your mum are being naive whether you acknowledge it or not.

He can be told right now he is to get his heirlooms out of the house, he has no right to a spare key and that he will only be visiting, when invited and will not be sleeping there at any time. He can be told right now to leave and stay somewhere else. Your mum might care for him or feel guilty but both you and her have to watch out for yourselves. Otherwise your next thread will be 'Relative took my mum's house and money and left her with nothing'.

As an aside I have to mention what a great word 'mooching' is.

Change the locks.
Stop leaving spare keys in a bowl in the hallway (not a good idea in terms of security for anyone).
Tell your mother not to give him -or anyone else- a key.

Normally guests can come and visit people and ring the doorbell when they want to get in - they don't need a key for the front door! If he wants to go out and come back again, he needs to do it when someone is in. It would be a good idea for you to arrange to be there yourself when he makes these future visits. And/or he does as other posters have suggested, and come to visit in the daytime when your DM is awake, and sleep elsewhere (eg his new shared rental house).

Ask him to look into alternative storage units for his heirlooms, now that he's permanently back in the UK. There's no reason why he can't take them to his new home (and rent a safe deposit box or similar for items made of actual gold - which would be much safer than your DM's garage!)

Clearly your daughters instinct are well tuned.

I think young women can spot a creep from 30 yards.

Its like they exude an odour.

As for supporting whole families in poorer countries, this would be very normal and "relationships" are usually conditional on the whole family being supported.
These poor women are raised to seek out such men.

These men are treated very well by the family they fund unsurprisingly, and take a very honoured position within the family structure.
The women are often spared back breaking menial jobs by living with these men, sometimes 3-4 times their age.🤢

There is a very specific type of man that moves to these countries upon retiring.

They are not family men with strong ties and a loving family in their country of birth.

Having lived in Asia, I saw this dynamic up close years ago.

Just awful.

My honest advice would be the following and to tread carefully but do these things under the guise of increasing your mum's security, decreasing her possibly liability and exposure to liability.

First off - He has to get his furniture and heirlooms out of your mum's house and in to some storage unit. They have insurance for these things if something were to go wrong. If it were to happen in your mum's house, these items are probably not listed as specific items on her home & contents insurance so he might feel he has more of a finger in the pie should anything happen to your mum and her estate is being split up.

Secondly - he no longer gets to stay with your mum. If he's coming to visit, he does it during the day but sleeps elsewhere. This is all done under the guise of her downsizing. She isn't going to be keeping furniture in the rooms that are the ones she uses regularly, and she isn't going to heat them either. So it's no longer a suitable location for him to stay at.

I would also change the locks and get a new Chubb or similar fitted to the door - increasing security for her. Don't give him a key to the door. He won't need one.

Block his number on her phone. Suggest that things are getting a little stressful after this visit and you're more than happy for him to contact you to arrange visits going forwards.

You said that he is unlikely to harm her - there are many ways to harm someone; physical or emotional or financial harm. I think he is terribly adept at doing the last one. I think he could financially harm your mum so please be aware of that. I'm also getting a feeling that this bloke plays the long game and will make like everything is ok but keep your eyes and ears out for anything out of the ordinary or that your mum might try to hide from you.

re keys.

Aren't there some where it is nigh on impossible to get copies unless you are the registered owner?

Then spare keys can be kept in the bowl, as before, but there can't be any unofficial copies made.

What about a smart lock? It works with your mobile phone apparently and you can change it at the drop of a hat

Agreed. Someone like him is going to be cheeky. Be cheeky too.

Yep and it wouldn’t surprise me if he purchased young girls too. There is a reason these men go to the Far East.

@saraclara semantics, and there is nothing dangerous in me expressing MY opinion that her daughter thinks he is a creep.

Whether he is or not is irrelevant IMO, her daughter thinks he is creepy or a creep, or gives her the creeps, one in the same very unflattering description of a man.

I have 2 teen daughters and they are not the least bit judgmental about the appearance of others, as are many teens I know.

The word creepy and creep is saved for the type of person that makes them feel deeply uncomfortable/possibly unsafe in their company and gives them "the creeps".

These words are all connected IMO.

Its a very strong word and certainly a word I would take very seriously from my girls.

It isn't a word I hear from boys.
Its saved for a type of man that woman actively avoid.

I pity the OP daughter's having described him thus, having to spend Christmas day in his company.

Any man that preys on an elderly woman and makes her feel uncomfortable is indeed a creep IMO.

He IS a creep if (as is apparently the case) he has purchased vulnerable women. Any man who does that has no character to speak of.

You know he is a creep from your daughter.

No, @billy1966 her daughter finds him creepy. That doesn't mean he IS a creep. Kids and teens find a lot of people 'creepy'. Sometimes they are, but it's just as likely that they're just funny looking or maybe autistic. Teens don't have much tolerance for people who don't fit.the norm.

Maybe he is and maybe he isn't, but to say that OP "knows he's a creep" is not accurate, and it's dangerous to jump to that.